To limit my 12 yr old child's computer time to 1.5 hrs per day?

[jennifersofia]

I am concerned about the amount of screen time she has - she seems to come in from school around 5, and then (barring dinner) is online until 8:30. I am not concerned about content, just about the amount of time spent online, and the fact that she doesn't seem to do much else.
Apparently I 'don't understand', and 'other mothers do not limit their child's computer time'. Am I out of touch? AIBU?

I have downloaded the student journal (free) from the Fly Lady. My dd 11 will refer to this to select her chores, it really does help as it takes nagging mum out of the equation. 5 -10 min jobs which helped my dd pull old fluff, socks and bits of food from under her bed yesterday. She also then got carried and rearranged her book shelf before curling up with one of them. When I felt my weekends were being sucked into an electronic vortex I asked MN for help. The one that worked for me was the suggestion that we switch off 9 -5. We have managed to regain family time and avoid arguments by sticking to this rule although in our case we do 10 - 5 and I do record some good family films to watch later.

DD has to do a social, music, and exercise class a week until she is 13. Are there any that she likes? Maybe Guides?

Loopy, how do you get the family security settings? I'd like to do that.

I think its great if you do this but have to admit I have been totally rubbish about limiting DD screen time. First off I would explain it to your dd with reasons but don't expect her to like it. Be understanding but stick with it. What you could do is divide her time into 2 parts 1/2 hr when she gets in, then 1 hr later after she has done her homework chores exercised ECT then if she makes a fuss about coming off she loses the next session. That is a consequence but not too harsh, also maybe she could have a reward for being good about it. I think you need to expect she may complain a bit but have a way to keep her complaining to a reasonable level.
Some ideas for things to do I came up with are: helping with dinner, at 12 she can do a lot so let her choose the meal and encourage her to be creative and try out recipes, listening to music or the radio or a talking book or podcast, reading, arts and crafts there are lots of grown up ones, my dd likes watching room inspiration videos on YouTube (screen time) and making things for her room. Manga is good because she can read the comics, learn to draw manga, make her own comic and my niece likes to "cos-play" (aka dress up) as characters from comics and games, she is quite good at sewing and makes her own costumes. Writing in a journal or writing stories (about a poor girl with an evil mum who won't let her on computer lol). As you say she liked dancing one idea for exercise is a zumba DVD I guess you can't count it as screen time! Scrapbooking might be fun for her. You could start a family project you can do together. Of course they still like doing things together at 12 but not sure if they admit it. Also can you invite friends round a bit more often dd has really been happy since a little girl up our road is able to play with her. I hope a few of these ideas are useful and let us know if you manage it.

When I see threads like these I like to imagine our parents would've had conversations like this 20 years ago about us listening to music .

In any case with phones, iPods, three lap tops, two DS's and the TV in my room how how do I limit screen time. The little monkeys would just find another device.

Anyhow, they get two hours screen time on their crap bus if they want it.

Secretsofthenile -We got a new family pc last year and it was in the windows 8 configuration! It must be somewhere in the control panel, I suppose?
You can set time limits and cut off internet usage at a certain time. You get a weekly report which lists websites they've used and even the google searches they've done and, for younger kids, you can block certain sites, (my 7 year old has the kids settings so no social networks and she has to check with me for youtube.) And you can apply the same settings to their laptops, ipads and xboxes!

A bit big brother-ish but gives me peace of mind and the DC are all fine with it.

Thanks, Loopy. I'll have a go at sorting that out!

Ah, I am not concerned about content because she is in the living room so I can always hear what she is on,(unfortunately we don't have a west wing! and I know the sort of thing that she likes. Historically she has never given me a reason to be worried (long may it last!).

What do they do when they aren't on it? If it's watching TV then arguably that's worse than playing the computer as they are mentally less active, especially if it's Spongebob. Bless his absorbent little heart.

If they eat properly, are well behaved, sleep well and get a bit of exercise at other times then there's no harm in it as long as you are keeping an eye on what they are doing.

Thanks for all the lovely suggestions - a lot of what she does is manga related. I will look into that download from Fly Lady, it sounds interesting. I think the main thing is that I need to get her more involved with other things. Classes are good, but it does get expensive. I will see if I can get her to do a bit more cooking - she likes it, but only if she has control and can run to her outlandish meal ideas.

When she isn't on the computer, she tends to draw, sometimes read and that is about it. We don't have a TV, but we do watch dvds. Eating, sleeping and behaviour basically good, I just worry about her interest in the computer (would quite like to be on 24/7) is excluding to other interests such as seeing friends or doing anything else. The lack of exercise is my main worry.

We limit screen time.

In the week
For DD2 we expect homework/playing first.
For DD1 we expect homework/reading first.
We try to avoid computer/TV until after tea, but don't always manage it for DD2.

At weekends we expect exercise + "something constructive" to have been done. We try to avoid it until 4pm or later. Sometimes screen time straight after lunch if we know we are about to go out / swimming etc.

DDs know if they ask too much I will find them something to do (chores, schoolwork, turfed outside into the cold etc). This gives them a reason to find something more enjoyable / constructuve to do themselves.

We do facilitate meeting with friends / days out at the weekends though.

I have a kitchen timer.

It's set for 30 mins.

When it goes off, your screen time is over and we go and do something else.

DD accepts this. Exceptions are made for family TV and computer time.

Teen-are you me?