Really not sure on this one, so please help me weigh this up.
- DM has spent every Xmas bar two with me since I had DS 19 years ago. I now have DTDs, so potentially another 18 years of this...unless DB hurries up and reproduces, which is unlikely ATM, given his chronic inability to find a DP who isn't a tequila girl/webcam girl/someone after a visa/etc/miaow...
- DM got divorced 18 years ago. She currently has an on-off partner. She is 300 miles from us but is surrounded by siblings and their families. However there are various tensions (mostly of her own making). The upshot is whenever I have tentatively suggested not doing Xmas in the past she's passive aggressively sighed and gone 'well, I could always help at a soup kitchen I suppose.' And I have folded.
- We had DM, DB and PILs last year. Couldn't accommodate them all as DS was back too, so they stayed in a hotel. DM is very 'chatty' (ie completely dominates all conversation and makes it about her) and also not a very easy house guest eg she'd actually finished most of her Xmas main course before I had served everyone/sat down myself. The PILs get a bit left out and seem to feel a bit intimidated. Miaow again.
- PILs are very aged (DM only in 60s, they're in 80s) and not in good health. DP's suggestion is we split Xmas so PILs get Xmas Eve/Day/Boxing (rationale being this may be their last) and DM gets NY with my DB here. That way everyone can stay in the house too so no hotel bills for them. And everyone gets quality time with us and the DGCs.
- That sounds v sensible, doesn't it? BUT am anticipating DM's wounded reaction. She will point out, with some justification, that she recently dropped everything to stay for a month helping with the DTDs while I was in hospital. So it's OK for her to come when I need her, but she's NFI at Xmas? HOWEVER when she was 'helping' it transpires (DS has just let slip) that she was in bed several days till lunch, she never went out (with the twins or him, for an entire month, just sat on the sofa watching Doctors), was 'laid up with wind' (WTAF? is that an actual medical condition?) for several days etc etc...upshot is my DS did a lot of the twin care. Which is not on.
- And then judging by the text I just got from a gobby (but very dear!) cousin saying 'FUCK! Have you been in the PRIORY????!!!!' has then gone and blabbed to everyone about exactly which hospital I was in. Treating her own DD as gossip fodder.
Hrmf.
Counsel, o wisdom of crowds? Is the proposed arrangement sensible and fair, or do you think (I worry about this) that I am confusing the issue and 'punishing' her by only giving her NY because of my issues with her? Tbh if she just SHUT HER MOUTH WHEN SHE WAS EATING she wouldn't swallow so much bloody air. For example...
Triple miaow 
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