AIBU to be insanely jealous...and if I am...how do I fix it?

[ScarletLady02]

I'm really jealous of my friend. I know it's stupid. But I can't stop obsessing over it. I've always suffered with self esteem issues, and now my marriage is having some problems (unrelated to this) but I wish I could stop feeling so shitty.

She is stunning (people are ALWAYS telling her this), a model, an amazing dancer, a fantastic singer, a great Mum. Really confident and together, she's just lovely.

I sometimes find myself wishing I was her. I've never felt like this about a friend...I know it's silly, and I know I have good qualities...I feel like I'm projecting my current unhappiness onto this and using it as a form of escapism, but I don't want to feel like that about a friend. She's a fairly new friend but i feel like she could be a good one...and I don't want my issues ruining the friendship.

Any advice?

Stop comparing yourself to her right now.

She's a new friend, you don't know what issues she may have behind closed doors.

Comparing yourself to her is the road to misery.

That was meant to sound firm but encouraging. I fear it doesn't come across that way

It's fine Alisvolatpropiis I know what you mean. It's silly. It says more about my self esteem than anything else.

I have a friend like this and she is lovely, beautiful, rich and nice. She was bullied horribly in school because of the above. I try never to feel jealous of her because I know that she finds female friends hard because of jealousy.

You need to work on your stuff because you are right, it's not about her. You are unhappy. When you are happy again you will not be jealous of anyone.

She has admitted she finds it very hard to get on with women, they normally hate her.

I'm waiting for counselling to sort out my problems, hopefully that will help.

I do the same thing as you OP, compare myself to people.

What I initially posted is what I tell myself when notice what I'm doing.

It sounds stupid I know. She's really starting to get somewhere with her modeling and stuff (TV work etc) and part of me is SO jealous. I don't know where it comes from, I don't even want to do stuff like that.

I guess it's just the approval from others she gets...maybe that's what I feel I'm missing out on or something.

You don't sound jealous to me, you are kind in what you say about her, not nasty or trying to undermine her. You sound like a very nice person to me, kind, intelligent and self-aware. Maybe you are just a bit worn out? You say you have low self-esteem and that can be very draining, constantly having to battle against negative thoughts. I know it sounds trite but I would try to find something to distract yourself from thinking about your feelings - it is what doctors recommended me for living with chronic pain and I found it so helpful. Find something, anything, that requires your full concentration. I used to go to a very fun but demanding acting class, and although it was exhausting it was so energising because you just get totally immersed in what you're doing and your mind / pain centre takes a night off. Maybe that's not the right advice for you but I do think the answer is within your reach. Good luck and enjoy your new friend, she's lucky to have you x

Oh I couldn't say a bad word about her! She's awesome, one of those people you sometimes just WISH was an arse so you could hate them

Thank-you though, that's a lovely thing to say. Sorry to hear about your chronic pain. The more I think about it, I've always been like this. At secondary school I had two REALLY close friends and I always thought they were better than me...more boys fancied them, they were funnier, smarter etc. I seem to always compare myself unfavourably to others. I find it really hard to open up to people and make friends, and I now have two really good ones, of which she is one. I'd hate my feelings to ruin things.

Going on a self-confidence course could help, you'll increase your self-esteem and hopefully won't feel the need to compare yourself to others.