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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my MIL not to kiss the baby with a coldsore?

55 replies

peanutbutterhoney · 08/10/2013 14:43

My MIL is visiting. I have a 6 month old and MIL is all over her, hugging and kissing her all the time which of course is fine and quite lovely. But today I have noticed she has quite a big coldsore on the middle of her lip. I remember reading something a few months ago about how the coldsore virus can be very dangerous for young babies (there was a baby who died after his dad kissed him and spread the virus - I know not likely, but still).

So WIBU to ask her not to kiss the baby until the coldsore is gone? I am squirming at the thought of asking because I think it will upset her, but I also don't want the baby to get the virus! Neither me or DH have ever had a coldsore in our lives, so it's not something she would be exposed to otherwise.

OP posts:
mignonette · 08/10/2013 15:05

It can be spread through any mucus membrane or break in the skin. The virus actively sheds whenever the sore is visible especially. It is especially vital to keep her away from coming into contact w/ eyes. They can be very affected by this virus. I used to get Herpes cold sores and quarantined myself from my family when it came to towels, cups and crockery, toiletries etc. You have to.

Just be straight with her and emphasise how much you can see she loves her Grandchildren, therefore would obviously not wish to inadvertently harm them.

kotinka · 08/10/2013 15:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sleeplessbunny · 08/10/2013 15:08

if it's a choice between upsetting your MIL and the risk of your baby getting seriously ill then I wouldn't hesitate. Sorry MIL! If she is half reasonable then she will understand in the long run.

angeltattoo · 08/10/2013 15:11

My friend had arranged to visit my PFB ad rang to tell me she had a coldsore. I asked her not to come. I understand how you feel, but honestly, I would never have forgiven myself if the baby had caught it.

My friend understood; your mIl loves your DC, she should understand.

Itsybitsyteenyweeneyyellowpolk · 08/10/2013 15:11

Omg tell her now!!

MimiSunshine · 08/10/2013 15:11

Put the baby in their cot / Moses basket, make her a cup of tea and then just say "I hate to say this bit I recently found out that cold sores can be very dangerous for babies, I really had no idea until I red the article about the little one who died. So would you mind not kissing baby or the kids until it's gone?"
I'm sure she doesn't realise, I didn't until I read that article.

Original poster
peanutbutterhoney · 08/10/2013 15:14

Ok you are all right of course. She has popped out for a minute but I will say it when she gets back.

OP posts:
IneedAsockamnesty · 08/10/2013 15:16

She won't get upset providing you are polite friendly and make it clear that without cold sores nothing makes you happier than how close they are and how lovely it is BUT with a cold sore or the tingle its a big massive no no.

She would feel a damn site worse if your baby got sick.

Lililly · 08/10/2013 15:21

Do you have a friend who can come over, look shocked, and say oh no, you must be so careful being near a baby with a cold sore - they are so dangerous for babies!

GoodbyeRubyTuesday · 08/10/2013 15:22

I'm surprised she is kissing any of you when she has a cold sore. Even if she doesn't know how dangerous the virus is to babies, cold sores are still unpleasant. I don't think it would be melodramatic to ask her not to kiss anyone while she has an active sore, and to take any other sensible precautions to avoid passing it on.

comewinewithmoi · 08/10/2013 15:22

Yanbu. Deal breaker for me. Do it or stay away until its gone. I also saw news sore where baby died from heroes (cold sore) virus. :(

I am just getting over a reaction to a cold sore, very nasty. Been pretty ill.

NCHammerTime · 08/10/2013 15:23

YANBU!

Who the hell would think that was okay anyway? Both of my DP (in their late 50s/early 60s) get cold sores, and both have always taken steps to ensure that my DBro and I didn't catch them (e.g. patches, separate towels, disinfecting door knobs, no hugs/touching until they healed, special "coldsore mugs" and cutlery). DDad won't even eat in a restaurant when he has one, for fear of passing it on...

kotinka · 08/10/2013 15:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

meddie · 08/10/2013 15:27

Why would anyone even kiss a baby if they have a coldsore. It just boggles my mind.even if it wasnt potentially fatal, why would you risk passing on a painful lifelong condition to a baby.
Please also make sure she washes her hands and uses separate towels and cups

festered · 08/10/2013 15:42

YANBU they can kill a baby.

I would say 'That looks like a coldsore!Is it sore?' Whatever she says even if she denies it say well just in case it is be careful around the baby won't you, don't kiss him or anything'!

Find an article to show her if she's insistent that she doesn't beleive you.

TortillasAndChocolate · 08/10/2013 15:50

YANBU - to be honest, even if it wasn't dangerous for a baby - which it is - it's still a virus which once you have it, stays with you for life. Your baby could get cold sores for the rest of their life.

My mum gets cold sores because her parents weren't careful about kissing her when she was tiny - I don't get them because my mum made damn sure no one with them ever kissed me.

Definitely tell her not to do this.

Lonelybunny · 08/10/2013 21:59

YANBU my mum gets them and is very good saying dont drink from my cup , "I can't kiss you" to the kids exaing to them why . But tbh if she has already kissed baby it's probably too late ....

TheInquisitor · 08/10/2013 22:24

You are definitely NOT being unreasonable if you ask her not to kiss while she has a cold sore.
Cold sores can be very dangerous for young babies.
If she's a nice person, she'll understand. If not, google is your friend, print some off as there'll be plenty of tragic stories out there!

puntasticusername · 08/10/2013 23:13

YANBU at all. I had the same debate with my MIL as for some reason she was under the impression that everyone carries the herpes virus,whether or not they actually get breakouts of cold sores, so kissing while you have active sores isn't an issue. Not true - I think only about 70% of adults are carriers. Child sores are an utter pita for anyone, definitely worth trying to avoid if you can just for that reason - let alone for a baby, for whom they could be actually dangerous to life and limb!

You may have had the conv by now so hope it went well!

Original poster
peanutbutterhoney · 09/10/2013 14:57

Thanks. I said it to her and she was fine with it - she had no idea that it was so dangerous (although I agree that she really shouldn't be kissing anyone with one anyway!) I think she was also under the impression that everyone is a carrier as she said something vague like "well people don't usually know where they get them from" - I felt like saying if my baby had it I would know exactly where she got it from!!! But didn't want to start a fight... So I think it's fine and she will hopefully keep her lips to herself!

Thanks all for the advice!

OP posts:
MaidOfStars · 09/10/2013 15:11

Glad it's dealt with. Remember to give her a separate towel and wash her cups up with a little extra scrubbing.

I once had to stop a friend's child coming in for a kiss when I had a cold sore. It's actually quite a hard thing to do when they are so kissable! I showed her my scab and told her that she must never ever kiss people when they have sore or poorly lips like me. I'd rather do it than have her parents worry about how to tell me not to!

2tiredtocare · 09/10/2013 15:18

My DH gets cold sores as his mum used to kiss him with cold sores, she now tries to kiss my DS with them. It's not likely to kill an older more robust baby but it will pass it on to them and who wants that, yuk

MaidOfStars · 09/10/2013 15:21

I don't really find cold sores "yuk", but I agree that the issue of imminent danger to a child's health is not the only one to consider when liberally passing on this virus.

UserError · 09/10/2013 17:28

Just adding to what everyone else has said really, but it's especially dangerous for babies and children with eczema, as the virus can infect the damaged skin and cause a life-threatening illness called eczema herpeticum. My DS had it as a baby and it nearly killed him.

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