To be upset at my dad

[TerrysNo2]

My mum moved when I was 8yo to be with her new partner, we moved 2.5 hours away from my Dad and thereafter I saw him every other weekend. When my mum told me we were moving I was quite excited as I love new experiences but once we moved and reality set in, I hated being so far from my Dad.

24 years later and he still talks about how I wanted to go and how that upset him.

AIBU to want to scream at him to get over it because I was 8yo FFS and didn't really understand the consequences?!?

YADNBU, you didn't have much say but he was a grown up.. he could have moved house.

My Dad does the same thing, I was 9 at the time they divorced and never saw him during the week as I was in bed when he came home.
He always tells me that I "left him".

As he is still such an arse over it, it was obviously the right decision even at 9.

Its hard to deal with though as it can mess with your brain till you find a way to work it out, good luck

elmer x

You were a child. :(

You had no say in where you went, really.

Could you write it all down in a letter to him?

He must know, really, that you were only 8 and didn't understand the consequences, but perhaps he just needs it to be said. Even though he must know you aren't to blame for the situation, he is obviously still very hurt by all that happened. Tell him in your letter how much you missed him and wished you could have had him in your life a lot more.

Perhaps end the letter by saying you don't want to spoil these years that you have now by wallowing in regrets?

Thereafter, whenever he brings up the subject, tell him to go and re-read his letter.

• I'm sure you have said, many many times, but perhaps writing it down would help him to deal with it better, or reassure him more, or something?

When my Mum praises me in a text or e-mail, it seems to mean more to me when she does it verbally. Just seeing it written down in black and white, and being able to read it, and know that it wasn't just something blurted out but something thought about and writtem , it seems to mean more that way.

ceebie that's a good idea, my Dad is a funny one though, if I did do that he'd tell me not to make a big deal about it and that it doesn't matter. But it obviously does!!

awww, well I think just do it anyway, and if he makes a comment like that just smile and tell him to humour you. I can see that he wouldn't want it to look like he had been making a fuss (although he has!), so you can make out that you're just being a bit sentimental and decided to write some things down which you wanted to say, in case there was any doubt! Better to be over-sentimental than leave things unsaid.

"Dad put another record on" it is pointless him dwelling on what 8 year old you said or did. If he wants to dip back into a memory box you might just as well comment on how sad he and your mother didn't work harder at keeping their relationship alive and how did they feel about turning your world upside down? It fell to him and your mother as the adults to take responsibility not for you as a minor to scrutinise your responses.