To expect you to supervise your violent dc?

[Hamwidgeandcheps]

I took dd1 to a 4th birthday party at the weekend. Dd1 is nearly 4, very sociable and in general I trust her around other kids. She was shoved and pushed over repeatedly by the same two boys (she knew one but not the other). I ended up standing over her to intervene every time it happened. I haven't had to do this since she was a toddler (when all kids need close supervision) but the parents of the mean kids didn't bother even though they saw dd1 crying more than once.
I font expect 4 year olds to behave perfectly or uniformly but aibu to expect parents to supervise their kids when thru have already seen them push and shove and be very mean.
The only comment made was 'oh is dd1 ok? There are a lot of boys here.....' Theta feeble too - both dd1's best friends are boys and do not behave like that. Being a boy doesn't not negate bad behaviour .

YANBU. When DS was younger I had a few problems with him in this respect. It wasn't an intention to hurt others, simply over boisterous behaviour and a lack of understanding of his own strength. However, it was my responsibility to deal with, so I was often to be found pulling him out of a mock fight or getting him to apologise to someone he'd inadvertently hurt, followed by taking him home and explaining to him yet again about how he needed to control himself better, etc.

For a long time I felt as though I was banging my head against a brick wall, but it seems to have paid off now. I certainly wouldn't have excused it with "boys will be boys" crap.

Why were you watching and letting it happen? Why didn't you say something to the boys or parents?

YANBU

I used to have to watch my DS2 like a hawk when he was a toddler as he'd push other DCs over at soft play.

Well yanbu but I hope you challenged the comment about boys?

YANBU. Dismissing boys as all rough and tumble and having no higher behavioural expectations of them gets on my wick. I've noticed that parents who do this also bring up their daughters as their Mini Me.

YANBU There was a child like that at the playground the other week, kept hitting/shoving all the younger children. When we finally got the mum to even look over her response was just "oh he's ok".

Could you elaborate? Were they just running up to your dd and pushing her over, or were they all on bounty castle/soft play? Was she getting caught in playfighting?

Not drip feeding intentionally but don't want to out myself to the party host doesn't arm fair as it wasn't their child that was the problem. I took dd1 home upon her request earlier than I had planned to. It was piling on top of her after pushing her over type behaviour.

I have to supervise DD because she is a shover and snatcher.

However, I will add two things into the mix. There are some children who wail at the slightest bump and seem to revel in other children getting into trouble and the attention they receive for being 'hurt'.

Also, I do try to seek out parents who don't mind, and their children don't mind, a bit of rough play. Never hitting or kicking but running around the bouncy castle, screaming and no one cares if people bump into each other or bundle. I get sick of the 'gentle gentle, no touching' play. Not every child likes drawing flowers and sitting.

Well since dd1 and her best boyfriend were wrestling and rugby tackling each other in fits of hysterics this morning......she knows when kids hurt her on purpose and she's no shrinking violet. But as I said I don't expect angelic behaviour....just supervision!!!!

I hate people who think boys will be boys and allow them to fight & be aggressive. They are also the first parents to kick up a fuss when their child gets hurts.

Yanbu. Some people are lazy parents and would rather sit on their arses a d ignore.

Yanbu. I had a problem with a younger boy at ds's primary school. Child was younger but very overweight (not childs fault I know) and had been taught to rugby tackle by his father, who had also told him "to get in first before the others could hurt him" this child injured so many other kids at school, who were on the whole kind and caring children. But outside of school one day, my son was on the monkey bars in the park with his friend and this younger boy was hitting their hands hard with a big stick, trying to make them fall. In full view of his parents and grandparents! When I took issue, the father threatened to take me to the car park and give me a beating. No hope for the son then... But apparently according to him this is the way boys behave!?

YANBU. Some parents are totally oblvious to the thuggish behaviour of their DC.s.

YANBU - drives me round the bend.

Selfish lazy entitled parenting. As the parent of 2 boys I especially loathe it when bad behaviour from boys is dismissed as 'boys just being boys' and the like. Being lively is one thing (and is no different for boys or girls) but deliberate targetting and violence is something else. More grim if there is a little gang, too.

I genuinely believe some parents don't give a shit as long as their own kids aren't on the receiving end. On the other hand, I know parents whose children have gone through stages of very aggressive attacking other children behaviour - horrible to see, but they have made it their duty to intervene, police, reinforce good behaviour and protect other children. Very hard work, but it has paid off.

Hope your dd is ok OP.