To wish my in-laws would stop treating DH like a small child?

[AREMum]

DH and I have just spent a weekend away to "celebrate" 15 years of marriage. All was fine until his parents' started ringing him. They rang his mobile x 2 and mine x 1 ("We've been trying to get hold of you..."). It wasn't as if they had the children (my parents had come over to stay at ours to mind kids and dog). They treat him like a small child; he loves it. I have had enough and feel like issuing an ultimatum except I know that I will lose out. At the airport yesterday I asked him how he could stop me feeling like this (this always happens - they wrecked my 40th but that's another story - and I am so incensed that it actually feels as though I'm going mad) and he agreed that he can't guarantee that it won't. His Dad was supposed to pick us up from the airport but DH cancelled and we got a taxi because I couldn't face getting in a car with him. His Dad was then on the phone to MY parents to see what was going on. They (my in-laws) are so interfering it makes me want to scream.

Where I'm at at the moment is that I never want to be in the same room as them ever again, but appreciate that wouldn't be easy; they have a relationship with my children that is independent of me. I also do understand that I am not being very rational and have stressed and stewed about this all day. I feel as though this situation is turning me into a person that I don't want to be. I think that the 15 year milestone thing has just made me snap.

What is majorly infuriating is that they have NO CLUE that anything is wrong as DH will protect them with every ounce of his being whilst hauling my feelings over the coals.

Thanks for the chance to vent; I welcome your thoughts.

I've thanked God every day for my wonderful DILs ever since joining mumsnet. The level of resentment for MILs I see here sometimes is astonishing.

Why shouldn't sons and daughters stay close to their parents as well as having partners and children?

Our sons AND their partners enjoy sharing their happiness with us and DILs' parents. We all enjoy spending time together as well as apart. Some seem to think there is a competition for the love and attention of a person.

My friend's daughter was moaning about her MIL a while ago and her mother reminded her how much time they spent together and how often they talked. Why shouldn't her partner do the same?

She also told her (quite brusquely) that if she fell under a bus her husband would probably marry again eventually but he only had one set of parents and they could never be replaced.

Of course some in laws behave unreasonably and sons and daughters should talk to their parents, if they didn't like it. Their partners need to accept that they are adults and can choose for themselves the level of relationship they want with their parents.

"She also told her (quite brusquely) that if she fell under a bus her husband would probably marry again eventually but he only had one set of parents and they could never be replaced."

If my mother said that to me I don't think I'd be inclined to spend ANY time with her. Irreplaceable or not. What a horrible way to think.

They have a very good relationship (hence the amount of time they choose to spend together) but both are plain speakers. Friend's mum gets on well with her daughter's in laws who are really nice people. Her daughter is a bit possessive and jealous sometimes. And it is hypocritical of her to moan, given how much time she chooses to spend with/talking to her parents.

She doesn't own her husband.

I agree there must be a back story. Or your dh spent hours on the phone to them both times they called. Because otherwise calling 3 times during the weekend is an irritation at most..

OP, you haven't said anywhere why they called you 3x. Did they have a reason which they felt was important? Had you previously made it clear that they weren't to phone except in emergency? And how did your DH react? Did he take the calls and talk for hours, or what?

I'm struggling to see what was so intensely annoying about the phone calls. I'm guessing it must be all in the back story.

I don't get it either? We have a really close relationship with both sets of parents. And it wouldn't be unusual if I hadn't answered my phone for my parents to call DH. Ringing 3 times is not excessive. DH's parents might do the same.

Unless there is a lot else you aren't telling us I feel tremendously sorry for your husband being on the receiving end of your behaviour!

Come n, OP, cough up with the full story.

I must be in a minority that I actually want my in laws to be more involved than they are! They are both lovely but seem happy to let us get on with it with a phone call or text maybe once a week. We invite them up probably once a month and my fil always moans about the drive (it's about an hour and a half) then when he gets here he takes over the tv and doesn't leave the house! I am closer to my mil than my own mum who lives abroad and only conctacts through Facebook!

'I asked him how he can stop me feeling like this' makes you sound like a needy child rather than a grown woman tbh.

Unless there's a huge back story, it sounds like 6 of one and half a dozen of the other.

It is vvvv UR to have asked him how he is going to prevent you feeling like this - how can anyone answer that?

why are you so posessive and jealous,OP? Like Morgause I thank God for my lovely in laws.
You would go crazy with me as your Mil...I still buy my OLD boys and sons in law jumpers,UNDERPANTS,etc.Have a list of preferences and sizes as long as my arm.