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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Helicopter parents - activities all weekend. Why?

57 replies

Cutitup · 06/10/2013 20:05

My DD goes to a lovely school which has high academic demands so she is busy all week doing homework in the evenings. I give her a break on the weekend and she can do what she likes. She often does 2-3 hours of homework on a Sunday.

I have invited the neighbourhood kids round many times on the weekend but they're too busy with clubs, extra tuition and the like. I feel like the parents are trying too hard to mould their kids into something. Just give them a decent rest.

Can't kids just be kids anymore?

OP posts:
conorsrockers · 06/10/2013 20:53

and also, my boys friends are from school or their clubs - they see them at the clubs, so we don't really have many play dates - maybe that's the case with the other children?? maybe they have had their 'playtime' doing their activities and the few hours they get spare are their free time which is when they want to do their own thing??? ...

Wallison · 06/10/2013 20:55
VinegarDrinker · 06/10/2013 20:56

Some kids do actually enjoy maths.... And others may not but may need a little extra help (possibly due to not being at such an academically rigorous school? Hmm Why is an hour at a weekend inherently different to an hour after school? (except that OP's daughter doesn't just have one hour on one dat, she has so much homework she has no free time at all,,all week)

YouTheCat · 06/10/2013 20:56

No. We inherited my great aunt's very old piano when she died. I was 8.

meditrina · 06/10/2013 20:56

No, a "helicopter parent" is one that hovers over a child, beyond what is indicated by said child's age/needs.

Providing opportunities for DC to pursue their interests isn't helicoptering.

Nor is providing a superabundnce f activities beyond DC's interests, unless the parent is actually standing over them the whole time they're doing them.

Sparklingbrook · 06/10/2013 20:57

Should it be 'pushy' rather than 'helicopter'.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 06/10/2013 20:57

When I was about 10 my schedule read as follows:-

Monday - gym
Tuesday - ballet and swimming
Wednesday - gym
Thursday - guitar
Friday - Brownies
Saturday - gym
Sunday - Sunday school, athletics and family swimming

I was really resentful of my parents as they refused to take me to high jump on a Thursday night and Saturday afternoon as they felt I did enough already. "But I do nothing on a Thursday!" was my argument (guitar was during the day). I just loved doing different activities.

meditrina · 06/10/2013 21:00

" How many kids want to spend a Saturday morning doing extra maths tuition?"

I've got a maths geek. He loves it when there's a Masterclass he can go to. Now, I've no idea how many others there may be (certainly enough to fill some those classes), but whether many or few, some do really like it.

Others might just like the rewards of their efforts, especially if they can see they are gaining confidence and competency.

Stravy · 06/10/2013 21:00

So your dd can do what she likes at the weekend but if other kids like to do something then that's not OK?

Some kids, and adults, enjoy hobbies.

Dancergirl · 06/10/2013 21:01

I can't believe your having a go at 'busy' children when your own child is doing homework every evening plus 2-3 hours on a Sunday!

Can't kids just be kids anymore? Yes, maybe YOURS should.

Imagine if the tables were turned - 'my dd would love to play with cutitup's dd but she is doing homework EVERY day after school. Can't kids be kids any more??'

Dancergirl · 06/10/2013 21:01

You're FGS!!

Sparklingbrook · 06/10/2013 21:02

DS1 had a maths tutor every Saturday morning in Year 2 to catch up-not because I was pushy, but because his teacher said she didn't have the time to help him in a class of 14.

TotemPole · 06/10/2013 21:09

meditrina, same here. DC loved the maths Masterclass they went to. All the other children there were enthusiastic and interested.

VinegarDrinker · 06/10/2013 21:14

My DH was a maths geek as a kid and his cousin did all the national Maths camp type stuff and adored it. (He's now doing a maths PhD at Cambridge)

Jinsei · 06/10/2013 21:16

I was really resentful of my parents as they refused to take me to high jump on a Thursday night and Saturday afternoon as they felt I did enough already.

YY, my dd is rather resentful of me because I have told her that dancing three times a week is more than enough at her age. If she had a choice, she'd do it every day!

onefewernow · 06/10/2013 21:24

Oh well said, OP.

My middle son ASKED for, and got, guitar lesson from age 7-12. Then packed it up. He refused to do the levels, despite being "roughly a level 6,", at 12.

The result is that he actually likes music and does it for fun and relaxation. Which is what it was invented for.

So many kids are living out their parents aspirations for them, or sent where they can "mix with the right sort". God knows how they cope later on.

GangstersLoveToDance · 06/10/2013 21:27

Yabu without knowing the details.

My ds1 who's 5 has around 3 hours of maths tuition on a Saturday and Sunday (tutor being me)

He usually also has up to an hour every night after school.

He WANTS this. He loves it. maths is his 'thing'. He started asking me to explain mathematical concepts to him aged two. The first thing he does when he walks through the door is grab his maths book and a pen. I've had tantrums from him when I can't sit with him because I need to do something else.

People look at me sideways at the thought of this poor five year old doing all this work. But that's the thing - to him it's not 'work'. It's enjoyment.

CrapBag · 06/10/2013 21:32

YANBU.

I know so many parents who seem to have micro managed all of their childrens time. They never have time to just play. Some of them start early on a weekend morning, have a couple of activates, then the parent is looking for something to do in the afternoon as well. Heaven forbid they go home and just play with toys and have something that is unstructured (I am talking about infants as well).

CrapBag · 06/10/2013 21:33

I also find these parents complain that their children are unable to entertain themselves and want constant adult intervention. I wonder why!

GangstersLoveToDance · 06/10/2013 21:48

I wonder what 'counts' as helicoptering tbh.

In addition to the maths, both my dc go to football practice on a Friday. They have a swimming lesson on a Sunday morning.

Should anyone ask them over on a weekend the answer would usually be no because we do a lot of activities. Yesterday we were out for 6 hours hiking over the local mountains. Today after swimming the dc had a climbing 'lesson' at the leisure centre on the climbing wall.

These are additional 'ad-hoc' things. But we're still busy with activities none the less. Out of every Saturday/Sunday - I'd say there was probably 1 day in 6 where we actually don't do anything.

My dc seem happy enough. I know for certain that it's probably preferable to my upbringing where a day out/ interesting weekend activity was a 6 monthly event.

cory · 06/10/2013 22:32

But if the dc had fixed up a playdate with cutitup's dc they would also be tied up by an activity organised by a parent, non? Just that the "helicoptering" (which no, isn't the correct technical term here) would not be done by their own parent.

MellowandFruitfulSnazzy · 06/10/2013 22:39

I'm still Shock at the person CailinDana mentioned who changed jobs to a less stressful one and her parents refused to come to her wedding! That's appalling of them.

Agree that 'helicoptering' is not what's described here - either 'pushy parenting' or being a 'tiger mother' (or father) might be better.

CailinDana · 06/10/2013 23:14

Her parents were an extreme example mellow. Her older sister was a gifted violinist and went to study in paris then dropped off the radar. It was so odd - we'd ask how the sister wad doing and get a huffy sort of "how would we know?" response. It was a huge turn around from the solemn proclamations of how she was a genius etc. The two sisters finally got in contact again after about 10 years and it was not long after that that my friend quit being a surgeon. I didn't know them well so never found out the full story but from what I could glean the older sister was no longer a musician and won't be in the same room as her parents.

CailinDana · 06/10/2013 23:17

So it suited my friend when her parents refused to go to her wedding as it meant her sister could go.

MellowandFruitfulSnazzy · 06/10/2013 23:22

Ah, well, it sounds like a lucky escape all round, in that case.