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AIBU?

I'm a teen. Am I BU or my mum?

112 replies

confusedtiredandhormonal · 06/10/2013 18:00

I'm 16 and I started AS levels this year.

I've been working all day and I just popped downstairs for a piece of fruit. On my way back up my mum stopped me and asked me to unload the dishwasher and then load the dishes in the sink, knowing full well that I've still got work to do.

Was she BU to have made me done it there and then or should she have let me finish my work and then do it?

OP posts:

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Weasleyismyking · 06/10/2013 18:25

Erm.... You're not studying though. You're on mumsnet

aderynlas · 06/10/2013 18:26

Lucky you have a dishwasher, washing up bowl here. Enjoy your fruit and all the best with your exams op .

zzzzz · 06/10/2013 18:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 06/10/2013 18:26

I hate other people organising my time for me. I will do the jobs I need to do, when they need doing but at a time that also suits me. Teen or not, it's not fair to 'dump' a job on someone and demand they do it there and then when they are working... different if you had been arsing around on facebook or something. It's about respect isn't it?

usualsuspect · 06/10/2013 18:27

Teenagers get little respect on MN.

Tailtwister · 06/10/2013 18:36

I don't have teenagers yet (mine are 5 and 3), but I would be inclined to leave you to your studying.

whois · 06/10/2013 18:40

Wow harsh comments.

Actually, I think your mum was being U. If you're working all day studying then the dishwasher can be left till later.

500internalerror · 06/10/2013 18:47

Gosh, this thread makes me grateful for how my mum was with me! Yes I had to do stuff round the house as a teenager, yes at annoying times, but she would never have put me off my stride when I was studying.

gamerchick · 06/10/2013 18:50

That's life I'm afraid. Welcome to it

ArthurCucumber · 06/10/2013 18:51

I think it's best that you do an appropriate level of chores - everyone (apart from small kids) needs to look after themselves domestically as well as working. It's just part of life. For example, my dd1 is 14, assessments this week, and is currently doing her regular Sunday night hoovering.

However, I think it would be fairer of your Mum to give you a regular chore - provided of course that she could trust you to do it! - rather than interrupt you. Dd1 has chosen to do her hoovering now because earlier she was doing school work and she wants to watch Dan & Phil at 7 :)

Thants · 06/10/2013 18:55

Studying is clearly more important so I would not have asked a student to do it when they were working. The dishwasher can be left until later.

LittleMissWise · 06/10/2013 18:57

DS2 has just started his AS levels. He has to unload and load the dishwasher most days because that's what happens when you have a disabled mother and a father abroad with the Forces. He has just had some college set exams last week. He managed to work for them all, as well as having a Saturday job.

Unloading and loading a dishwasher takes about 15minutes. I usually let my 2 off chores abit if they have exams, but doing the dishwasher is not harsh.

Thants · 06/10/2013 18:58

Also why are so many of answering so rudely to a child? If her asking a question bothers you so much then don't post a response.

usualsuspect · 06/10/2013 19:00

Exactly,Thants.

OneStepCloser · 06/10/2013 19:06

Having just been through A Levels with dd, I would have just left you alone. DD did help a lot round the house (off her own back)aid job, as well as holding down a paid job, bless her.

Topseyt · 06/10/2013 19:06

Her asking a question does not bother me. Just saying I see it from both sides, although I would cut some slack for studying for AS and A Levels.

I don't see rude answers. She is getting things as they are seen by mums, and the reasons we may ask the things we do. She has put it very well from the teenager's point of view.

I did actually wonder if this was a reverse AIBU. Maybe, maybe not.

YouTheCat · 06/10/2013 19:06

Maybe that is how they talk to their own kids?

OneStepCloser · 06/10/2013 19:07

I do agree usual, teens are giving a hard time on here, which is a real shame.

ImperialBlether · 06/10/2013 19:10

You've only been doing your AS's for a month, haven't you? What kind of assessments have you had that have involved you working all day Saturday and Sunday?

And can't you see the irony of this thread, which you've been on for 20 minutes, when the dishwasher would surely have taken only 10 minutes maximum?

And - and I know not to start sentences with 'and' - how come your mum and stepfather (?) have worked from 12-5 pm and you haven't cooked dinner for them? Your mum came straight home and asked you to empty the dishwasher, didn't she? Why wasn't it done beforehand?

quirrelquarrel · 06/10/2013 19:12

Thing is though that if you're at work and your manager asks you to do something for them, you'll have to know how to pick back up concentration on the task you were doing before they interrupted you. It's a skill. Also, studying is for you purely. It's not profiting anyone else. Loading the dishwasher is something every profits from. And it's not exam period.....it's only early October so you probably don't need to be working that hard yet.

No offence OP sorry! I was only doing AS a few years ago and I'd have probably kicked up a bit of a fuss if my mum asked me to do that, but only because I'd be frustrated and not wanting to do work, taking it out on her and wanting Great Recognition for the hardship masquerading as schoolwork that I was being subjected to. Not because I thought it was unfair or anything.

Tikkamasala · 06/10/2013 19:16

I think yabu, because it doesn't take long to do and you have now spent a lot longer on MN talking about it, so its not like every second was precious for studying!

EBearhug · 06/10/2013 19:18

I know where you're coming from, OP. My mother was very much of the idea that if she wanted us to help with chores, then she wanted it doing now, no matter if I was in the middle of a Latin translation or something.

I don't have any issue with the idea of having to do my share of chores (well, if I am honest, I did have some issue with it, and now I live in my own house, my vacuuming and dusting doesn't get done as often as my mother would have approved of, because what's the point, if you aren't actually going to see any difference?) But I did have a problem that I had to do it right now, and even 25 years on, I feel myself getting a little wound up that she would never negotiate - there was never any acceptance that it would be okay to do it in half an hour when I'd have finished what I was in the middle of, or anything like that. If I had then not started in half an hour when I'd said, then it would have been fair enough to have a go at me, but ... oh, let's just say my mother was bloody unreasonable at times, chores being the least of it. I don't think I ever argued about stuff that really did have to be done right now, like rushing to get the washing off the line because it was starting to rain, because I knew that really did need to be done right now.

I think that learning to negotiate and prioritise is as important a skill as learning that you have to take part in household chores when you are living in a house. So go and talk to your mother as someone else has suggested, and say that you agree you have to do your fair share, but you'd like to talk about timings and interruptions. And whatever you agree to, make sure you keep your side of the bargain, and if for some reason it's not working, then don't just stop doing stuff, but have another discussion about how things could be changed.

(Unloading a dishwasher isn't a big chore, though. Be glad you don't have to do the actual washing up.)

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FortyDoorsToNowhere · 06/10/2013 19:24

OP i wish you could educate my sister, at least i can understand you.

In the grand scheme of things it only takes a few minutes to unload the dishwasher.

BigBirthdayGloom · 06/10/2013 19:26

I think yabu. It would have helped me as a teen to be asked to do jobs rather than have my parents make studying some sacrosanct activity that could not be interrupted. I think your mum would have been unreasonable to come upstairs a d disturb you whilst actually at the books, for sure. But life is about fitting a million little chores around the big things you need to get done and I would have found parenting easier if I had learnt it sooner.
Studying is hard, though, and I hope you've achieved what you wanted to this weekend. Well done for emptying the dishwasher with minimal fuss. Life with a fam

BigBirthdayGloom · 06/10/2013 19:27

Sorry-life with a family or partner is also about meeting halfway between what you think is important to get done and what they do.

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