To want to strangle my 12 year old

[ohnoimnot]

He is such a good boy at school and such a nightmare at home. He has called me stupid, told me to shut up, locked himself in the toilet and this is in the last half an hour.
He will not do as he is told and keeps answering back. If we ignore him he comes looking for us.

Of course I would never lay a hand on him but its driving me crazy.

Please give me tips on how to deal with a defiant child.

SDT, It is comments like yours that keep me going Can I just ask if he went through puberty quite early?
DS's voice broke a couple of weeks after he turned 12 and he is more like a 14yo than a 12yo I am wondering if this is part of it.

.the suggestion you handle an angry teen the same way as a toddler is frankly ridiculous and shows so much ignorance I hardly know where to start.

Now I come to think of it, I think his voice had broken by the time he was at his worst - that is really interesting! And I am glad I could help - unlike my mum, when I was going through it. Her comment when I vented about how awful ds3 was being? "Ds1 and ds2 were so easy - ds3 is your comeuppance!" Thanks mum!

Please don't bother then pixie

Genuine question OP and others - is it possible to keep him literally out of the house as much as possible e.g. sports and any other stuff?

Zower-sport certainly helps channel excess energy in a positive manner but too much and you have a fully grown over tired toddler stomping around the house it's a fine balance.

i see, but such a small window till bedtime

Yes, valium is right - DS does sport every day after school/at the weekend and if he has a late night too..... not a happy camper.

And unfortunately, the window till bedtime has to fit in all the homework too. Cue more moaning!

Oh yes, homework...the drama

Yup, our house is a mass of simmering hormones at the moment. I often actually feel sorry for them as I know it is their emotions ruling their heads, but sometimes it is a minefield sensing the mood and trying to dodge the bullets!

A friend who is a health visitor told me years ago that children act up in their own homes because it is the one place they feel secure enough to be able to vent their emotions, which makes real sense as that is what mine do even though the are polite and know how to behave outwith the home.

You are right Boils, but it is hard work staying calm nonetheless!

Luckily in our house it seems to still be the old adage that if one is acting up, the other is revelling in being the "goodie" Well, at least some of the time!