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AIBU?

to use mobile phone spyware to spy on my teenager

43 replies

bankofmum · 06/10/2013 09:19

Actually I dont care if I am BU I just want to know if anyone here has, how did it go and which do you recommend (most seem to be american)

OP posts:

Report

ilovesooty · 06/10/2013 10:54

You don't want to know and don't care if you are being unreasonable but you sure as hell are. Your son is old enough to be entitled to his privacy, make his own mistakes and accept the consequences of his actions. By all means trample all over accepted adult boundaries if you want to destroy all trust between you though.

HereIsMee · 06/10/2013 10:58

Sounds a but much at 17. I monitored my DS's computer use up to around 14 with his knowledge and did a few surprise text checks on his phone with his knowledge because I think he should have some privacy. At 17 I'd hope he was mature enough to do his own thing. There's also the other problem of dealing with hackers to your receiving email address. Talk with him instead maybe?

SaskiaRembrandtVampireHunter · 06/10/2013 11:23

I wouldn't bother posting in Geeky Stuff - you'll get the same responses there.

Fairenuff · 06/10/2013 11:26

You say he bought his own car. Did he finance it completely himself, purchase it, insure and tax it? Does he pay for all the petrol?

At 17 that would amount to quite a sum. Yet you say he has just started a job after dropping a college course and an apprenticeship.

Do you or your dh pay anything at all to the cost of running the car, or do you give him an allowance?

Veneto · 06/10/2013 11:29

Doing this will, as other posters have said, very likely destroy your relationship with him when he finds out. Improving his behaviour and lifestyle has to come from him, you can't make him do this unfortunately.

CajaDeLaMemoria · 06/10/2013 11:34

Legally, this would be more than dodgy.

Don't underestimate how angry he'll be when he finds out, too. He may well press charges out of pure hurt and disbelief.

mrsjay · 06/10/2013 11:38

I dont understand how a 17yr old can buy and run a car if he just started a new job ? anyway I dont think thhe OP is going to join in the discussion of they why and why nots

Fairenuff · 06/10/2013 11:44

I suspect the OP's username is a clue.

However, I was just thinking that if he had help to buy and/or run the car, perhaps the OP could stop paying for it and he would not be able to drive under the influence.

Also, where does he get his drug money from. If he has an allowance that could also be stopped so that if he wants to buy drugs he will have to fund it himself out of his earnings.

He is old enough to face the consequences of his actions and this will help him to learn how to behave more responsibly.

Alisvolatpropiis · 06/10/2013 12:44

Yabu to use spyware on anybody.

mrsjay · 06/10/2013 12:47

I agree with you Fairenuff he is old enough to take the consequences of his behaviour we cannot and should not try and protect them forever

bankofmum · 06/10/2013 20:19

He bought the car himself pays for petrol himself pays for insurance monthly and all petrol. Friends chip in for lifts. Has only just lost job and hopefully has another one or obvoiusly will not be able to afford insurance in future.

OP posts:

SatinSandals · 06/10/2013 20:34

If he has passed his test and is driving he must be getting on to being 18yrs and I would have thought it very dodgy ground to spy on an adult.

Alisvolatpropiis · 06/10/2013 21:52

Hardly bank of mum then hmm op

lagertops · 06/10/2013 21:56

You don't have a lot of respect for your son, do you OP?

How would you feel if you found out someone was doing it to you, mortified is my guess.

By all means, go ahead if you want to give your son trust issues/ destroy any chance of an mutually respectful adult relationship when he's a bit older.

WorrySighWorrySigh · 06/10/2013 22:01

YABU, spyware will tell you where he has been or what he has texted. It wont tell you what he is going to do.

Toadinthehole · 06/10/2013 22:13

What do you expect to discover? What are you going to do once you've discovered it?

This doesn't just sound counter-productive. It also sounds completely pointless.

YouHaveAGoodPoint · 06/10/2013 22:18

I wouldn't use it. If he finds out it may completely ruin your relationship. It's the type of thing he may see as unforgivable. You will be more effective at helping stay on the straight and narrow if he sees you as ally rather than the enemy.

YouTheCat · 06/10/2013 22:20

Turn it round and think. How would you feel if you discovered someone close to you had been spying on you with one of these apps?

I'd bet you'd feel violated.

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