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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To specifically ask this guy not to mention region to my kids!

24 replies

filee777 · 05/10/2013 23:51

Me and DH are going on our first proper night out in years this month for a friends wedding. My lovely friend has offered to babysit which is great and she's brining her boyfriend along which is fine. the thing is, last time we met up with them he told my 3 year old they churches were 'bad' and that he 'shouldn't go in them'

Now I am not, by any means, a devout Christian but I was really affronted by it!

I don't want random people 'telling' my children that a place of worship is bad!

AIBU to mention it to him/my friend?

OP posts:
Famzilla · 05/10/2013 23:53

YANBU. Whilst I am pretty anti-religion there's no way I would express my opinion to someone else's children! How inappropriate.

CocacolaMum · 05/10/2013 23:54

I honestly clicked your title wondering WTF your problem with geography was...

FlapJackOLantern · 05/10/2013 23:54

Change your babysitters - problem solved.

Original poster
filee777 · 05/10/2013 23:54

that's exactly how I feel.

I want to tell them this without coming over as some sort of religion mad person. Which I am really not.

I was thinking of saying its similar to talking to someone else's kids about the birds and the bees, you just don't do it!

OP posts:
Original poster
filee777 · 05/10/2013 23:55

Oh noes! It's late! Pardon the error in the title!

OP posts:
CocacolaMum · 05/10/2013 23:56

I know a few 3 year olds and I think any one of them would forget a comment like that within about 10minutes of hearing it.. YANBU for not wanting him to say stuff like that though - what on earth made him say something of the like to such a young child? Bizarre

Elderflowergranita · 05/10/2013 23:56

I'm just worried about her brining her boyfriend!

Sounds messy Smile

Original poster
filee777 · 05/10/2013 23:59

3 year old said 'the church' because he goes past a church on his way to nursery and the guy said it then.

He is very good with kids and got 3 year old talking loads which was great, just I got a bit 'claws extended' about the religion bit and needed to know if I was just being silly.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 06/10/2013 00:07

He's totally stepped over the line with that one, that doesn't say to me that he's 'good with kids' at all, and I'd be wondering what other boundaries he wasn't aware of tbh.

But if you say it to him or say he's not welcome then you're risking him getting shirty and possibly your friend too?

Hmm, difficult one, but seeing the problem as one of him being inappropriate around your 3 YO rather than the subject of the comment, I wouldn't be comfortable leaving my DC with him.

ravenAK · 06/10/2013 00:17

I'd be affronted.

Can you have a word with your mate? Along the lines of 'please tell your bf to STFU if he starts banging on about religion.'

Although the last occasion - when he told your ds churches were bad etc - wasn't a babysitting situation, just you all meeting up? So it's to be hoped that this time he'll be either busily helping his gf put your ds to bed, or somewhere in the background whilst she does all that - unlikely he'd think it a great time to open a theological debate with a toddler!

FesterAddams · 06/10/2013 00:34

Well it's a valid point of view, and your DC is (or soon will be exposed) to many people banging on about the wonders of organised religion, so it's probably good for you DC to hear an opposing view.

AgentZigzag · 06/10/2013 00:41

At 3 it's up to the parents to decide how they want to talk about things to their DC Festi.

To insist even, if you're gobby confident enough.

SeaSickSal · 06/10/2013 00:46

Doesn't sound to me like he's good with kids either. If he says this kind of thing in front of you I would worry what he'd say when you're not there. It's a really bizarre thing to say, it would make me think he was a bit odd.

fuckwittery · 06/10/2013 04:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
filee777 · 06/10/2013 08:31

It is up to me to expose my children to different view points.

Anyway, I told her. I said he can talk about his own religion all he wants but not being negative about what other people do.

I said 'feel free to talk about what makes you tick but not what shouldn't make other people tick' I also told her that this is something fairly universal and that most parents would be uncomfortable with someone indoctrinating their kids one way or the other. I would feel the same if it were a heavily religious person, I think there is a big difference between 'I believe this' and 'you shouldn't/have to believe that.'

OP posts:
QualityScout · 06/10/2013 10:16

I'm a total atheist but I'd never dream of saying something to other people's kids that's so anti-religion.He was out of order.

It probably won't come up tho - so I'd chill.

Original poster
filee777 · 06/10/2013 10:20

My worry is this guys girlfriend frequently works with children of various ages, they go to festivals and do children's entertainment. I think it's worth mentioning because although we are not heavily religious by any means, he might well have said that to a child whose parents did have staunch views and were (Rightly) very upset with him.

OP posts:
specialsubject · 06/10/2013 11:12

saying 'churches are bad' shows ignorance and lack of appreciation of some wonderful buildings.

religion causes lots of problems but buildings don't. Anyway, none of this is to be discussed with a three year old!

PeppiNephrine · 06/10/2013 11:17

Its really not just up to parents to decide what information and viewpoints their children get to hear about. Theres a big world out there full of ideas different to your own and your children are going to hear a lot of different things, you can't and shouldn't control that.
If its a big deal, don't have him in your home. Or talk to him and ask him not to mention things like that. But really, its time you realise that they are going to hear different opinions and its better to talk to your child than try and keep them out of the world.

Fairenuff · 06/10/2013 11:20

I would be worried that he thinks that, let allows says it. And to say it to a child as if he is imparting a fact too.

To suggest that any religion is 'bad' and that their buildings should be avoided is extreme, surely?

I would not want this man around my child. If his gf thinks this is acceptable, I wouldn't want her either tbh.

Original poster
filee777 · 06/10/2013 11:21

As I said, there is a big difference between a child hearing about someone's views and religion (e.g this is what makes me tick) and a child being indoctrinated (e.g this is what you should believe or should never believe). I think that is reasonable and I think it's a lesson he needs to learn if he is going to spend time with young children

OP posts:
Original poster
filee777 · 06/10/2013 11:24

I am not going to hide my children away from folk with differing views, not at all, I can totally understand why people don't think Christianity is a good thing to teach to kids, I can understand people thinking churches are symbols of oppression.

It's just telling my children in no uncertain terms that they should think that which bothers me.

OP posts:
PeppiNephrine · 06/10/2013 11:25

You're a bit naive if you think they aren't being indoctrinated already! The only difference is if its stuff you like or agree with its ok and if its different to yours its bad and "indoctrination". It's all perspective.
Teach your child critical thinking, thats what you need.

Original poster
filee777 · 06/10/2013 11:32

I am not naive, nor is it against my views!

I have a very critical approach to Christianity.

I do not want a man in my home telling my children that 'churches are bad' just like I wouldn't want a man in my home telling my children that 'mosques are bad'

Which I think would get a very different reaction on here.

There is no different, I will teach my children to respect all religion but not necessarily follow any of them. Unless they want to.

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