To want to say something about these comments on facebook?

[Tikkamasala]

A facebook friend keeps writing "spak" and "spazz" on the end of her statuses, I think this is just to show she is feeling excitable, nervous, slightly freaking out (it is in relation to a sports event she is about to do). I feel quite uncomfortable seeing this as I consider those as things you just don't say and I thought they were offensive and disablist. I don't think she means to be offensive at all, I think she just hasn't thought.

This is not a close friend, it is a girl I knew at university. I haven't seen her in recent years but I like her, occasionally have a chat to her, have sponsored her for a few charity runs etc that she has linked on FB...

Should I say something or just ignore it?!

Is she British?

I would defriend. It's not your business (as she isn't a friend) but I wouldn't condone it iyswim.

She is British. I know some Americans say spazz and don't realise it's not on over here (explained this to a good friend who is american and she was horrified and stopped saying it!)

I would say something, not enough people do. If you defriend her she will not know why.

Personally I would just write 'offensive!' as a comment underneath her status.

True Mumraa and actually I think you are right and my way is a bit cowardly. If this were a good friend Id think differently. But people are nasty. and the op can't be responsibe for the views of small minded people she doesn't care abuot. But if she says something others will see and maybe even jump in and agree which would be a good thing.

If you're going to say something, politely explain how her comments are being perceived by private message only.

okay, no excuse then right then, I'd tell her.

You have nothing to lose. Your friend might learn something, if she gets fed up..well then it is no loss!

Good luck.

I agree that you should message her privately - don't call her out in public, especially if you think she really doesn't understand that she's being offensive.

What zat said!

Why should it be private? If someone was being racist would others send them a 'polite note' to say it's not acceptable or would they actually point it out in public? I think people would find it quite easy to be very vocal about it. How about sexism?

I think we really should stand up for others, especially those who cannot always stand up for themselves.

I had the same dilemma recently when a client (a middle aged senior medical professional and otherwise an extremely considerate, genuinely thoughtful person) said that their spouse was "going spastic" over something.

I was so utterly surprised and wondering what on earth to say that the topic of conversation had moved on to a point where I felt unable to say anything. I still feel awful that I didn't challenge my client but can only console myself with the fact that ime the rest of their speech and actions are very kind.

I despair

I would be tempted to post a link.

' a BBC survey in 2003, which found that "spastic" was the second most offensive term in the UK relating to disability...'

I worked, as a teenager, in a restaurant where 'having a flid attack' was shorthand amongst the staff for 'dropping something, muddling up an order or otherwise being a bit of a twit in a manner liable to inconvenience one's colleagues'.

I had no idea at the time that 'flid' was offensive, because I had no idea of its etymology, & am grateful to the person who set me straight on that one....

She needs it pointing out. I wouldn't faff about with PMs.

Why should it be private? If someone was being racist would others send them a 'polite note' to say it's not acceptable or would they actually point it out in public? I think people would find it quite easy to be very vocal about it. How about sexism?

If I thought they were unknowingly using a term which they didn't know was offensive I would give them a chance to correct themselves before calling them out in public, because were I in a social situation and something similar happened I think pulling someone to one side to explain rather than dressing them down in front of a crowd would probably be a more effective way of conveying the message.

Yes that's right, she/he must have 'accidentally' used the word spastic without knowing what it means.

And yes I do realise I keep 'putting' 'things' 'in' 'inverted' 'commas' sorry about that.

Well, the OP seems to think that her friend is using the terms without realising their connotations, and she is the one who knows her so I'm taking that at face value.

Where I'm from, spaz means being a bit silly. I had no idea of the other connotations until I moved.

Ok you do that. I'm amazed people can go through life with their heads shoved so far up their own arses that they don't even know what they are saying.

Oh please get a grip. I didn't even know what it meant other that it means silly. So you don't know her very well but you want to go about correcting her.

But, Coffee, if these terms aren't challenged then people go on using them and they are really unpleasant things to say. If someone uses these terms because they are ignorant then they need educating.

PM her and tell her privately. That's the best and most mannerly way to deal with someone who is making a faux pas.

Last time one of my friends did this I explained why they were offending and when they argued and tried to justify it I blocked them. I don't want to read that crap.

Coffee it's a good thing you've read this thread now then isn't it? So now you won't go around being inadvertently offensive because you think terms like that just mean "silly".

She may not know. My most embarrassing moment ever was when I didn't know "twat" was really offensive (I thought it was another way of saying "idiot") and referred to a child as a daft twat in front of a load of teachers. I didn't understand why they all went quiet and looked uncomfortable until I went home and told DH and he explained. To this day I feel shame and it was years ago.

I would send a pm. Not everyone knows everything.

Spaz is a short form of spastic- which is a medical term for a type of cerebral palsy.

It means exactly the same thing wherever you are from