AIBU to think my inlaws may could show some acknowledgement of my pregnancy.

[mootime]

I always seem to post when visiting the inlaws! Dc no 4 due in November. PIL have known since 12wks. DS1 died when he was a week old due to complications at birth and as such people are generally really pleased for us to be having another.

Visiting today and at a party of some family friends and PIL have not told anyone AT all about the pregnancy, including DH's godmother who they had been on holiday with for a week.

The whole event was made incredibly difficult as countless people came up to me saying that they had no idea I was expecting again, and how wonderful. Then saying how odd that the ILs hadn't mentioned it. DH's godmother was genuinely quite upset.

All I can presume is that they want to avoid the embarrassment of having to explain if another of our DC dies... Sadly I wouldn't put that past them.

AIBU or am I just being a bit precious?

did you ask them to tell people? Often women are complaining because pregnancies have been announced when they didn't want to be.

Godmother is definitely unreasonable to be upset.

so I think it is a YABU for you, but greatly tempered by what has happened. I wish you and the baby all the very best.

Yanbu that's down right odd! I would ask them why they haven't told anyone!

Congratulation on your wonderful news

It must be hurtful to you that they don't seem pleased, but they would be very nasty people if it was about embarrassment if anything happened to your baby. I'm hoping you're just sounding off there.

Is there any reason why they might be concerned or worried about you having another baby?

Maybe you are over thinking this because of your history. I can't see anything wrong in what they've done/not done. I wish you well with the rest of your pregnancy though. Try to enjoy it and don't let silly things get you down!

I doubt they are embarrassed , probably just don't want to over step the mark.

I noticed when we had subsequent pregnancies after our sons died, different people handled it in very different ways.

It probably terrible frightening for them and they are scared for you all.

good luck and congratulations.

I'm sorry but I have to say yabu. There is always so many posts on here with expecting mothers furious that ils, extended family, friends have told others they were pregnant before they did.

If your dh is close to his godmother then he really should have told her himself.

Congratulations btw

Maybe, because you have lost a child they are trying to be sensitive?

YANBU. At 8 months pregnant, I'm not sure there was anyone who my DM hadn't told!

I'm not sure I would assume it was anything to do with DC1 - give them the benefit of the doubt.

Good luck with everything OP, massive congratulations.

My DH never told anyone I was pregnant with DC2 for ages. Put it dwn to a previous miscarriage, and him not feelng confident to announce.

Congrats to you.

Could you say to them if there is anyone they would like to tell about the baby they are welcome to do so? That way no snappy questions about why haven't they told anyone and if they are feeling worried about this baby's health they don't have to say so.

I didn't tell one friend I was pregnant and just sent a birth announcement as I had had to tell everyone I had lost the baby when I had a miscarriage and I didn't want to upset them again if I lost this baby too.

I hope all goes well for you.

I think YABU. It is not their job to announce you're pregnant. It's yours. If your DH is that close to his godmother, then surely he should have told her himself.

Given your previous history, I doubt it is due to embarrassment, more that they are genuinely worried and concerned for you, and will happily announce the news once the baby has safely arrived, understandably assuming that you and DH would have told most people by now, that you wanted to inform.

Yabu i think.

My mum and exps parents told everyone they could find about my pregnancy with ds2 before i was 12 weeks which i really wasnt comfortable with. I was quite annoyed so i would be grateful for parents who knew when to keep schtum.

Very sorry to hear about DS1.

I don't think they are embarrassed - I think they probably found it very difficult to tell people about the death of DS1 and are just avoiding the possibility of having to do it again.

Were they like this with your other subsequent pregnancies?

YABU. It is your news and your DH's to share and they are probably being polite and not trying to steal your thunder by announcing it themselves. I think it is rather unfair to suggest that they were keeping the news to themselves because of your son.

It really doesn't have to be a difficult situation, just resolve it by letting them know that you are fine with them telling other people now. All resolved. Congratulations.

No reason to be concerned about health of baby (no more than any other pregnancy) ds died as a result of a birth accident. Like other two, this DC will be born by c section.
Just seems odd that they haven't mentioned anything to people they see all the time (some daily) who I know will have asked after my DH.
I guess I have a difficult relationship with them, they handled DS1 death dreadfully, and are generally unenthusiastic about anything that we do. It was just a very odd experience to spend the afternoon justifying what I see as odd behaviour to their friends!

I don't think YABU. If they are not sure what to do, the LOGICAL thing would be to ask if you minded them telling people (especially the ones you'd see).

If they're cack-handedly trying to avoid you pain, then nice intentions, but un-brilliant execution. You are not to know that, if nothing's been mentioned though.

It sounds like they have form for not being the most sensitive of people though, so this probably isn't about you, it's about them.

I'd say it doesn't matter if YABU or not, because they've just made themselves look stupid to their friends. Depending on what's gone on in the past, you might either feel sorry for them, or see it as a bonus.

Oh poor you. Though you've surely now seen the whole range of stupid reactions? Our first pg ended in a stillbirth, followed by 3 more MC, and when we called MiL to announce the pg that ended in DS1 (even calling him #1has some potential 13 years later to make me gulp), anyway when we called MiL (at 20 weeks) cue LOOOOOONG silence followed by, "oh dear why did you tell me, now I'll just be waiting for the next MC."
She's actually quite ok. But it did make me realise our hurts have reverberations. Also that people who are otherwise sane do say the most stupid things sometimes... Which is not the worst training for both MN and RL

Also, i fear i just proved my point about people doing stupid things. It has been a firm policy with me for 15+ years not to mention my history to other pg women. You know you'll be ok. Slap me around the chops, i deserve it, and btw i do have 2 OTHER dc now.

A gentle YABU, although understandably.

My Mother went announcing my pregnancies after my children died and it was hideous, nosy questions, pitying looks, people being awkward and not knowing whether to mention it or not.

It is far better to have the choice who you tell and when you tell them than have someone wade in and announce it for you.

This isn't their news, and I think they have been very respectful in keeping it to themselves and giving you the choice.

Could be that they don't want to feel that they may be tempting fate - a lot of people are superstitious. I very much doubt it's embarrassment. Or maybe they feel that it's not their place to tell people that you are expecting.