To expect dh to work from home or take leave when I'm this ill

[Charlottehere]

I have ertythma multforme major. I have had it twice before. I am in a lot of pain, am on 15 tablets a day plus painkillers and mouthwash. I have been hospitalised for this in the past. I feel really unwell.

Dh announced that he will work from home some of the time but go to work for at least the morning next week. That leaves me getting my 3 older children off to school, youngest one is 4 and a handful plus looking after ds who is 10 months from 645 til 1400.

I am not up to it. Aibu to expect dh to wfm or take leave?

Make arrangements with a friend or neighbour to help with the children in the mornings. I assume your DH feels he has no choice with his work situation. Do you think he's deliberately making you struggle?

I don't think asking a friend to help is going to do it when I'm in this state. If it was less severe then yes. No he's not intentionally trying to make it hard.

My work are tolerant about working from home, but it's still usual to "check in" - there are some things that can't always be done from home.

Whether he could take leave or whether you can manage one day is a discussion you both need to have TBH...

To put it in to context. I rarely ask her to take time off inc when I had tonsillitis over the summer.

Tbh if u can't or won't ask friend or neighbour then what r your options? Can older ones help? Presumably your dh has to go to work

If he can't take it off, he can't.. Or do u not believe him?

I could ask friends but I really need someone here to take care of Dcs all the time. Not doable. Too much for my 11 and 8 year old.

He can take it off...just not ideal.

It depends on his work situation. Mine would kick up an absolute stink and would look really bad.

I'm afraid it may need family/friends enlisting. Alternatively would it be more helpful if he knocked his start time a bit later and did the school run (but obviously would mean coming home later?)

Working from home is going to be no help to you; he can't work and look after children. He'll have to take leave if your friends won't help.

I'd rather he took leave tbh.

I agree that he needs to take leave. If you rest properly for the next few days, do you think you might be back on your feet by the end of the week? That approach would be much preferable to you struggling on, him trying to do bits from home but not actually getting anything done, then you just getting sicker.

Be blunt. Tell him you are off to bed for complete rest. He has to take Monday and Tuesday off at least. I hope you feel better very soon.

Tell him then. He's obviously misunderstood what you expect of him.

Well if he's meant to be working from home who will look after your children? Work is work.

Have you asked him and he refused?

Right I have told him what I need, he has agreed and has said I am more important.

I may well be better in a couple days IF I rest and the steriods work

Oh, you should have asked him before us! Glad you'll get a break this week.

"go to work for at least the morning next week."
Would it work better if he went in for the afternoons instead? It seems to me the major input is needed to get the DC (11,8,4) to school, then you only have DS (10 months) to contend with until school's out. Maybe ask a friend to bring them home. Once home, really the 11 year old (and maybe the 8 year old too) could help you. They could certainly deal with the 4 year old for you.

Thanks shatners!