WIBU to lose it with my MIL

[AmberNectarine]

Long story but I have had viral meningitis for a week now. Horrible illness that is giving me unbearable headache and generally making me feel shit. I was treated in hospital for a couple of days earlier in the week, then discharged as I was getting no rest and as it is viral there was little they could do. It was no better when i got home as i am bf my DD and my DS has had a sickness bug so i have had some terrible nights.

On Thursday my headache got abruptly worse and I became quite confused. I have little memory of what went on but DH called an ambulance and I was taken back to hospital. I was v dehydrated, low blood sugar etc so was put on a drip and given some anti-sickness and v strong IV pain relief. After a few hours I felt much, much better so the Drs were happy to discharge me on the condition I got a lot of rest.

I was happy with that so I took a taxi home to find my DH has invited my MIL to stay to 'help' as he thought I'd be kept in. I was so tired I didn't really care at that point so I put DD to sleep and went to bed myself. I heard her arrive c 9pm. I was up with DD in the night 3 times (fair dos she is bf) and DS once (he is almost 4 so this did not have to be me but noone else was stirring). In the morning I slept til about 9 and on getting downstairs was greeted by MIL telling me we'd run out of milk. Whether she was expecting me to pop to the shops I don't know.

MIL and I have a chequered past - she said some fairly unpleasant things about me when DH and I got together 5 years ago that lead to them falling out and she enjoys undermining me (if I go out labouring that the children haven't missed me AT ALL, correcting my parenting, being snide about my extended bf etc). As a result I don't feel very comfortable with her around so I asked DH if she could go home at the end of the day as I was home from hospital and she wasn't actually doing anything useful anyway). I ended up doing two loads of washing and some tidying while they went to the supermarket.

When he thanked her for coming but suggested we would be fine she told him she was planning on staying until Tuesday at the earliest. He reiterated that I was feeling better and would like to rest and she said 'she doesnt know what's good for her'. By dinner time he was starting to get a bit stressed and asked again and insisted on hearing it from me (I was in bed attempting to rest). At this point it came to my attention that DD had not been changed all day as she came upstairs to me asking me for cream as she was sore. I came downstairs and blew a gasket at DH (he is the patent ent after all) when MIL butted in saying 'they did the best they could'. I really lost it at that point and asked her to leave which she finally did, after implying that I wasn't quite right in the head.

WIBU to tell her to leave? I didn't swear/shout but I did accuse her of pushing her own agenda (she has form for not leaving - she went to stay with BIL for a couple of days and left after 8 when they had finally had enough). AI also BU to think my DH should have had a bit more backbone and insisted she left, or was he between a rock and a hard place? I've felt so ill for so long (had a kidney infection immediately preceding this) that I genuinely have no idea if I've lost the plot.

so let me get this right.

Your DH invited MIL to come and help. During which time you have had to get up during the night 4 times, do 2 loads of washing and some tidying. And they couldn't even manage to change your DD once during the entire day?

How is that helping exactly? YANBU. And I'd tear a strip of your DH as well. Pathetic.

Think we might have the same MIL. I was sent home from Moscow once (as had gone into early labour at 6 months), strict bed rest instructions, only place I could stay was MIL and she had me shopping (walk involving v steep hill on way home with two full bags), cooking and babysitting my niece (who was also staying with her) as she was "busy with her lawyer" sorting out some silliness to do with a company she had owned. I managed three days before I booked myself into a hotel.

YWNBU at all and I really should take a leaf from your book, in retrospect if you see what I mean.

DH probably did the best he could -- not very effectively but I can imagine he felt out of ideas.

Get better soon, your illness sounds terrible and I hope you're well on the way to recovery.

I should also add DH spent a portion of the day working from home (he has demanding city job and has fallen a bit behind with me being out of action). She was probably in sole charge of the kids for c 3 hours.

Hope you get well soon OP

The nappy would really piss me off, it's not exactly the rocket science of childcare is it?

YANBU

Yanbu at all. Hope you feel better soon.

They are being twonks, go back to bed stay there, and you should be only disturbed to breast feed, or when you require food or drink.

Your husband needs to up his game, or he will end up sole parenting for a lot longer, has he never had to parent on his own before for any length of time?

as for abusing you when you are seriously ill, when you have had to compensate for their failings, that is inexcusable, address it at a later date when you are fully fit.

or send him on here we will explain it to him for you.

How dare he allow his mother to abuse you when you are poorly.

hope you feel better soon, try to rest as much as possible that way you your body has a chance to get better quicker.

"she told him she was planning on staying until Tuesday at the earliest"

She sounds awful. And also, predictably awful. Why on earth did your husband expect her to help, in any shape or form?

Both your husband and MIL are letting you down here. They should have stopped you from doing any washing, or getting up with sick kids, while you are so ill. And why couldn't one of them have gone alone to the supermarket while the other did household tasks? Your husband could also have put the washing on while working at home. The abuse from MIL is way over the line but I would also be telling your husband you expect him to step up to these things when it's necessary. Go to bed now and say he will need to feed, change and entertain the kids himself this weekend.

Viral meningitis is no joke - when my friend had it he was in hospital for 2 weeks and in bed for another week when he came home. He was off work for 3 months...

OP, you need to rest ; while you are bf that obviously has to take precedence over everything else - but your DH has got to realise that you need a lot of support, and that it is his responsibility to care for his DD, not to allow her to get a sore bottom (poor little thing!)

Suggest that he orders a big online shop so that you don't have to go out at all, that he looks into a local cleaning service to come in once a week to do a good clean-through once a week for the next month - and that he learns how to use the washing-machine..!

Then rest - everything else can be dealt with when you feel better; all the best

You did the right thing and you do not need the stress when you have been poorly. I have had similar recently with mil coming to "help." She had a proper face on, did not take little one out at all and did no housework which she had offered to do in the first place. It was not worth the hassle. Hope you feel better soon.