to let this friendship slide now?

[mistyshouse]

she was my best friend. from the age of 10 to about 25ish we were inseperable, like sisters, our families were friends as well (our dads were best friends)

but in the last few years we have drifted apart. we are 33 now. i think its possibly because our lives went in different directions. we had dcs but we had them at different times, she was a single mum, where i was (and am) in a couple, we live in different towns, have different friends. but she still means a lot to me, so i have tried and tried over the years to keep the friendship going but its quite one sided (ie from my side)

she is getting married soon and recently announced on FB who her bridesmaids were. i am not one of them, but she was maid of honour at my wedding. it really hurt me to not even be asked, but i thought well its her wedding and her choice. but it really drove home to me that i probably don't mean as much to her anymore

when we do meet up its great and she always says how sorry she is we don't see eachother more and that she misses me etc, and blames having small dcs (she has 3 under 6). but then i see her on FB seeing other friends all the time (she is the type to write about every social thing she ever does, and who she has seen etc. yet she never does that if she has seen me) i think, well you have time for them. they all live in the same small village as well, and have done for years, whereas i live in the city, its like she hasn't got time for me as i don't live in their little community

the other day i texted to ask her how she was etc and she never replied. but she is always on her phone and i kept seeing phone FB updates from her so she would have seen it but not been arsed to reply. then this morning i see a facebook status saying "great to see old friends last night, you all mean the world to me, you know who you are xxxxxxxx" ....well i am an old friend, yet she couldnt even be arsed to text back

i don't have a big crowd of friends like she does, i have just a few close ones. i am shy and find it hard to make friends anyway. i just miss her :( but maybe i should stop bothering now

ps - am 3 months pg so very hormonal and that is not helping

I would let the friendship go. Will you lose money by pulling out of the hen do? if not, don't go!

Wow you sound so much like me. I always worry its me as I have lost close friends over the years but its always because I have realised that they are crap friends who take me for granted and I stop bothering with them. They never come to me so the friendship dies. I am fed up with being the person to do all of the running so I won't anymore, for anyone. It is a two way thing and if the other person isn't going to make some effort, then I don't waste my time on them. As you can guess, I also have few close friends and they seem to be getting fewer as we have left baby groups behind. There are the ones who I know will NEVER get in touch and I know I will lose them.

I find its easier to admit that its one sided and to just let it go. It hurts more too see all of this stuff on Facebook, where you feel you are missing out. I actually deleted my account because I couldn't bare to see what my siblings were doing I was never included. I set up a new account with just some close friends and no family at all. Much better now, I don't get all worked up over it. I swear Facebook causes far more problems!!

It hurts more too see all of this stuff on Facebook, where you feel you are missing out. I actually deleted my account because I couldn't bare to see what my siblings were doing I was never included. I set up a new account with just some close friends and no family at all. Much better now, I don't get all worked up over it. I swear Facebook causes far more problems!!

oh god absolute yes to FB causing problems. you see friends responding to other friends but not you. you see people posting on fb yet they can't take 2 minutes to text you back. you see people meeting up and they haven't asked you. i ended up in floods of tears a few months ago because i had tried to arrange a barbeque round mine, most said they couldnt make it and some didnt even reply. and it ended up being just me dh and the dcs. then i saw on FB that one of the friends i had invited (who didnt reply to me) was at ANOTHER friends bbq saying what a brill time she was having. it just makes you feel like utter shit

yet at the same time FB is a lifeline to me as its sort of my social life (am aware that makes me sound a saddo)

and as for the hen no i won't lose money as we havent had to pay yet. but i really feel that will be the end of things if i don';t go

"yet at the same time FB is a lifeline to me as its sort of my social life"

That's the only reason I made another account. My DCs didn't get invited to a friends DDs party because I wasn't on FB. I stupidly assumed that friends would text me if there was anything going on, but no, if you aren't on FB then you just miss out so I had to do another account. I'm not thrilled as, like you I see people writing on there whilst I am waiting for a response and it pisses me right off.

Bloody social networking, the work of the devil!!!!

Hi OP. Just saw your comment about only really dropping people if they are boring, not nice etc. I think this is the wrong way to think about friendships tbh. Lives change, and it seems like your lives are different now. With kids, work, partners etc, its hard to find quality time for every single good person we meet and become friends with. I personally don't have enough time to focus on every single person I've made friends with over the years. I wish I did but life doesn't allow it! However this doesn't mean I have dropped old mates who live far away. Quite a few I may not speak to for a year or more, but when we see each other it's we pick up where we leave off.

It seems like she is focussing on the people on her immediate vicinity. Don't take it personally. Take a deep breathe, remember her fondly, enjoy her company when you do see her (and you will!) and focus on the friends around you. This is life.

Could the not getting back to you by text thing just be because she's not a texts person? I have a mobile, but I never use it orknowwhere it is. My main method of contact is landline phone, Fb or Skype, with an occasioanl email because I have an ipad and those are the methods which come easiest to me. I know several friends who are frustrated with me because I don't text and some of them have drifted off because of this, but it just doesn't appeal to me as a communication method.

I'd use your pregnancy as an excuse not to go to the hen do. Go to the wedding so there are no hard feelings, then back off a bit and see if she does any of the running.

Mentally adjust your expectations. Don't expect this friendship to continue, then if it does, you will be pleasantly surprised.

True ami.

I have friends I see once or twice a year and don't really contact in between. I value them greatly, but real life just gets in the way on a day to day basis.

genuine friendship isn't based on whether you fb or phone daily or "status" (maid of honor?) but on whether you are there for one another when it really counts.

As the years go by it's perfectly natural for friendships to ebb and flow. You tend to naturally gravitate towards those who can give you support and advice for the specific situation you are in without realising it. Thus when your children are tiny, other new Mums can share your experiences or those that have been there and can advise are more likely to be your regular companions of choice than the single mate who is out every Friday night and has a new date every Wednesday. Doesn't mean that single friend won't turn out to be your rock if your parent dies suddenly though - just that you have differing day to day interests.

I guess I'm trying to say friendship may seem to ebb and flow. No single person can provide you with EVERY emotional, social and practical need you may have in life and it's foolish (and perhaps a bit selfish?) to expect them to. I have friends I haven't seen for a couple of years at a time who have come through for me when it really counted and vica versa.

Today my best friend is still coming to terms with becoming a Granny earlier this year, while I've just moved across the country to try and secure a decent education for my primary aged son. Despite being only a year apart in chronological age, our lives are at different stages and we both respect that iyswim. Won't stop us having a Bailey's and a giggle at Xmas together though.

Decades of friendship doesn't just dissolve into the ether, neither have the two of you been frozen in time. Today you aren't seemingly that close, yet once her children are grown and flown and you've raised your own family you may find you are as thick as thieves causing mischief together in the old folks home .

I think it' just one of those situations where your lives are different etc. If it were me I would tell her I've been feeling tired and won't be much fun on the hen do, but really looking forward to the wedding. Can't remember if your partner will be there but I'm assuming he will so you'll have someone to sit with, and I bet her family will be happy to see you as you're childhood friends.

Just as an example, my Nan is in her 80's and has a friend that she's known since she was very young. They didn't see each other much during the busy periods of their lives but now she visits her all the time.

I'd go to the hen and treat it as practice for your friend making skills. Get talking to the others there. Then join some groups back home. Your friend actually sounds quite self centred though, moaning about people missing her hen - she sounds like everything is all about her.

Agree with wines about using your pregnancy as an excuse not to attend the hen night but be clear on saying you're looking forward to the wedding. Then again, you could make a friend or two?

I had a similar experience last year with a pal I've known for decades nod the dreaded Facebook was involved. It hurts realising someone you think of as a close friend doesn't value the friendship as much as you do. What worked for me was reclassifying the friendship and pulling back a little and working on myself more, what others have suggested in your case.