to be hacked off with our 'lodger'

[lessonsintightropes]

DH and I have a lovely, dear friend that we are extremely fond of. Let's call him Bob.

Bob met DH and I when we all worked for the same company about 6 years ago. I have changed jobs a couple of times since then and DH once. We kept in touch with him after his divorce a couple of years ago, although this meant losing contact with his wonderful (and much put-upon, ex-for-a-reason) ex wife.

Bob has intermittent mental health problems. We have (through connections) got him a couple of jobs, both of which he left on not great terms, with some reputational fall out for DH and I.

He also (as a foreign national - US - is not entitled to benefits) has stayed with us for a couple of months here, six weeks there.

He and DH met up tonight and DH informed me via text (!) that Bob was coming to stay in our spare room (again) for a while. I arrived home to find DH and Bob eating pizzas and watching Steven Seagal movies in the living room, which I was a bit pissed off about as I hate Steven Segal and I haven't had face to face time with DH for five days because of work travel commitments on both sides since Sunday.

We only got married 6 months ago and are TTC at the moment and to be a selfish cow could do without him in our house really; I think by trying to be nice we are enabling him to stay in a position of dependency and not face up to his problems. However it would be a blue day in hell before I saw him on the streets.

Advice? What would you do?

I agree with dedado it. You and your DH need to have a talk with the lodger very quickly and set some ground rules. Tell him a definite time limit, explain that you are starting a family soon and in future will definitely not be able to offer accommodation then, you need some privacy so whilst he can use the lounge during the day when you are back from work you need it for yourselves. Say that you need to get the house straight before a baby comes along so there are a number of gardening decorating jobs he can do whilst he is there. You are a good friend to him OP and if he is a good friend to you he will understand.

It's not about the money is it? it's the privacy aspect.

(My very kind mum brought home a complete stranger a woman and her dog she met at the bus stop, to live with us, 5 kids in a cramped council flat and the dog was a big alsation. My mild mannered Dad cracked after a few weeks and gave the woman an ultimatum, I think she had to go to the Salvation Army . All us kids missed the dog )

dedado s previous post that is.

If he's lived here most of his adult life, surely he would have permanent residency? (ILR) and thus be entitled to benefits?