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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To begrudge DH his Friday night drink.....

14 replies

nananoo · 04/10/2013 21:39

I'm not a meanie....honest! DH works long hours and goes out very little to the pub.

So of course I don't begrudge him going out, but what I can't make him understand is that I'm fed up with not being able to be as spontaneous as he can. If he has to work late...he can because he knows I'm always here looking after DCs. If he decides at the last minute that he's going to the
pub...you've guessed it I'm here, so it's not a problem.

We have no family nearby to help out so I just feel tied to the house in the evening. There's no chance of me ever doing any evening classes, or anything in the evening without forward planning.

AIBU? It's been along week, I'm tired and I wish I could have left work at six for a drink rather than tackle the bedtime routine!

OP posts:
HeySoulSister · 04/10/2013 21:41

Even if you had that option would you use it?

nennypops · 04/10/2013 21:41

Why can't you do evening classes? Can't he arrange things so that he can be home on time one evening a week?

CreatureRetorts · 04/10/2013 21:43

YANBU

But you need to get out more instead acting the martyr.

Dogmatix34 · 04/10/2013 21:44

You possibly are but I feel exactly the same as you! DH forgot to mention he had to stay overnight for work the other day and even though it made no difference to me I felt so frustrated as if I had to do that I would need to plan it months in advance with childcare etc.

Lora1982 · 04/10/2013 21:44

Yanbu I sometimes feel the same but im happy with telling him when he'll be doing the looking after now. That way I dont feel trapped

TigOldBitties · 04/10/2013 21:45

Is there a point in the day when he knows he's going to work late or if he will be home at a certain time?

Can he let you know each day so you can decide that you wanna go out that night?

If he texts you by 3:00pm to say he will be home at 8:00pm, that gives you time to get out doesn't it?

Its not as spontaneous as deciding you want to go out and going but it gives you the option the same day. This is what my dh does/used to do.

KirjavaTheCorpse · 04/10/2013 21:59

That's the perk of working outside the home as opposed to within it. If you fancy going to the pub, you're already out, so a quick call and all is sorted, won't be a problem she's already settled in for the night right? "I'm already out what's a few more hours?"

I agree it's not fair. You need to say no if it's not convenient for you, your evenings are just as important as his. Your friday nights, in an ideal world, would be split equally. He gets home on time and you go out.

OrmirianResurgam · 04/10/2013 22:02

Well book something and TELL HIM!!! Let him know that on X day if the week at Y time you WILL be going out and he needs to be home. do you think he would object? If so you have more of a problem.

marriedinwhiteisbackz · 04/10/2013 22:03

Mine isn't home yet. Probably only just finishing up at work rather than in the pub. I quite a quiet night but the dc are older teenagers now and it doesn't irk any more.

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/10/2013 22:07

It works both ways. He says, "I'm nipping to the pub Friday" you can say "I'm getting my evening class on every Tuesday". OR He has to ask, "is is OK if I..." and you have to do the same.

MrsOakenshield · 04/10/2013 22:09

no, you can't be as spontaneous, but there's nothing to stop you from contacting your DH at 3pm and saying 'it's been a hard day and I'm going to go out with a pal, so you need to be back from work on time tonight, thanks, bye'. Or booking a night out. Or going back to work so you can do this if you so desire?

Original poster
nananoo · 04/10/2013 22:30

I've just re-read my message....and I do sound like such a martyr!

Thanks everyone for confirming the obvious - that my evenings are just as important and I might actually want to do something with them!

OP posts:
comingalongnicely · 04/10/2013 22:53

I find it interesting that you class "working late" in the same league as "going down the pub" - that's not really fair as the 2 aren't comparable (unless he works in a pub).

One is work and one is leisure - don't penalise him for working....

CailinDana · 04/10/2013 23:32

They are just as much his children as yours, he absolutely should not assume that it's fine to just leave you in the lurch doing all the childcare when you're expecting him home. If you have to book in advance so does he. Or if he can just forget about his children, so can you. One day next week, soon as he's in the door, grab your coat and say "I'm off out," and off you pop! You're not going to burst into flame you know.

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