to expect dh to actually speak to me in the evening?

[picniclady]

I don't think iabu but would like your views. Every night dh and I get around one hour together once he's Home from work and I've put dc to bed. Every night he sits in his chair in the living room and uses his personal laptop to read news/do his book keeping/look at football and anything else.

I try to chat to him and tell him about my day/dc/work and ask him how his day was. However, at best he'll glance up and listen, at worst he'll pretty much ignore me or make me feel guilty for distracting him from book keeping etc. I know it's not always work related stuff he's doing, although I understand he needs to work and also enjoys surfing the internet etc, but surely if you only get an hour a day with your partner you should spend some time conversing? when I mentioned to some male work colleagues they laughed and said they do the sameat home, women like to chat and men like to be aalone apparently.

I just wondered if iabu to expect him to want to spend our time focussed on each other or whether it's the normfor men to behave like this?!

I think it depends on his job.

I have a job where I literally don't get two minutes to even think what I want to think about. My entire mind is o cupped by the needs of other people, and every word I say has to be appropriate.

By the time I have finished work, discussed my children's day at school, made their dinner, nagged them to do the things they need to do,sorted out anything in the home that needs sorting as well as any random stuff relating to my voluntary job, I really can't be arsed to talk about the minutiae of my time at work. I just want some brain space where I can do and think what I want.

YABU.

I think the biggest problem with marriages and relationships of all kinds is that people have real trouble understanding how their partner could possibly want different things to them.

After a day with the kids and all that comes with that, I honestly would be happy shutting myself away in a cupboard and playing games or surfing the internet for 5 or 6 hours before going to bed. That's just who I am. I have always spent hours and hours alone, and could happily be by myself for days on end. I don't know why.

Everybody has different ways of coping with the stresses and the boredom of day to day life. I find that after looking after my kids all day the last thing I want to do is look after my wife. I want to be alone. Since she wants me to spend time with her we try to find a balance. At the weekends, during the day, we're generally all together as a family and if there's a film or a tv show we both enjoy we'll watch that together.

I just hope she, and you, understand that everybody unwinds in different ways. You spend all day using your brain for other people's benefit - work, kids, whatever - so you want to some selfish brain time.

We all need a bit of poke the fire time once children are in bed. I'm happy to chat once I've had a full hour just to sit and be quiet on my own.

Men are different to us women. They do not feel the need to talk all the time and need quiet time when they get home from work. When my husband gets in he does not want to hear me start going on about the days problems before he has even taken his shoes off. I know that. That is what girlfriends are for.

When the dds are in bed is our time. I make him a tea and we are able to talk without interruption from the dds.