Sex ed: what do you actually say?!

[BleedinEck]

Ok so not strictly AIBU but need responses & not sure where else to post.

DS1 (7.5) and has never shown any interest in sex or where babies come from but one of the mums at school gave me the nod today that there's been a bit of playground talk about sex (more the word than the act as I suspect a lot of them are still clueless!) so I think it's time to sit down & have a proper chat.

However, my parents never talk(ed) about sex so I learnt the basics from dire sex education at school with playground gossip & I'm not actually sure what to say to DS! Can anyone give me any pointers on how much detail I should be giving at this age, what sort of terminology etc - basically tell me (or DH?) what to say

I've always answered DD's questions - since 3 she has known how babies are made (ladies have an egg, men have sperm - sperm meets the egg and grows into a baby in mummy's tummy) how they come out (most are pushed out the vagina, but you and DS got stuck and I had an operation where the doctors pulled you out of my tummy - here's the scar)

she hasn't yet asked how the sperm gets inside the mummy - but I will just tell her that the mans penis goes inside the ladies vagina and the sperm comes out then, goes up into the lady and meets the egg

however in your situation I'd ask if he's heard that word, if he knows what it means and then go from there

My 6 and 4 year olds know about sex from a biological point of view, because they asked. At first I said that a seed from daddy and an egg from mummy come together to make a baby, which grows in Mummy's tummy. Over time they asked more questions. They now know that the seed is called sperm and the egg an ovum, and that the sperm comes from the Daddy's testicles, and out of his penis, which is the proper word for willy.

I'd guess that at 7 your dd might be ready to understand that there is an emotional aspect to it. So far I've said that it is a special kind of cuddle that is only for Mummies and Daddies.

If he hasn't asked you questions I'd start off by leaving a book lying around first. The general advice is to answer honestly the questions they ask, so it's harder if you are the one initiating the conversation to know where to pitch it

Mummy Laid an Egg (Babette Cole) is great fun

There's a really old book by Claire Rayner that is all about the Human Body that's a good start - nice cartoony pictures. The Body Book.

Another book I like - that is not just about sex but all sorts of "tricky" subjects is; "Questions Children Ask, and how to Answer Them" by Miriam Stoppard - it splits up the advice into age ranges.

Honestly, I would not worry. I was determined to be open and I have been and now, my oldest (13) has asked me about porn! The earlier you start talking, the less embarrassing it is for everyone.

My mum got me the Claire Rayner book when I was little (about seven). It was good. Although all my parents did was give it to me. No sitting down and chatting about it!

He did snigger something 'sex' a while back & I asked if he knew what it meant & he didn't know & couldn't get back to lego fast enough so I didn't pursue it but he needs the basics if nothing else by his age IMO.

I'm going to pop to the library tomorrow so will look up a couple of these titles as a starting point & go from there. Thanks.

Well I started off with the idea that when DD asked me a question I would answer honestly the question she asked and then see where it led, i.e. I wouldn't launch in to a full blown explanation of the whole process including diagrams at the first query about where babies come from but I definitely wouldn't peddle any rubbish about storks, gooseberry bushes or mothercare.

So at about 4 she asked where babies came from and I told her they grew in their mummy's tummies. Then I waited for the next question, expecting it to be either how do they get in there or how do they get out.
In fact the next question was something like "What is a mutant ninja turtle?" and there was no more curiosity about reproduction for ages.

When she was about 7 though I realised that if I didn't say something soon she would hear it all as a garbled account in the school yard (as I did!) so I engineered a situation when there was just the two of us and a nice cosy situation and actually used something as corny as a bee flying around the plants outside to introduce the subject.

Just a very simple account to start with and she wasn't shocked or embarrassed but took it in a very matter of fact way.

Apparently later that term some children had asked the teacher what a virgin was (RC school -Christmas carols) and she simply said it was someone who hadn't had sex yet. I had less explaining to do than some of the other parents...

I've also been really honest with my two DDs from age 4 or 5. I also read them the Babette Cole book and explained a few things further. My DD at age 6 wanted to know exactly where the sperm came out I said the man's willy. She said 'gross' and then got on with what she was doing. I prefer that openness because then things aren't a big deal or embarrassing and she can ask questions if things get talked about in the playground. The Babette cole book is easy to read and allows you to introduce the whole subject.

I used the usbourne ' whats happening to me' and then let him ask questions. (Though be prepared for them still getting it wrong - ds yr 7 has just started human biology and was under the impression men and women only have sex to make a baby, so thought for example people with one child had only ever had sex once in their entire life!!!)

As others have said, answer the questions honestly as they come up. Also I have found that as they get older situations from TV and films are good discussion points. Keep it matter of fact even if you are cringing inside and then they are more likely to be open with you if they have problems.

children are remarkably accepting of the facts and only get embarrassed when they are older. Answering a childs questions honestly is important, so they know you can be trusted, I have also told mine they can ask me anything and if I don't know the answer I will find it out for them.
But littlies tend to just accept what you say, maybe with a "yuk" or just an "Oh!" then just move on to "whats for dinner?"

We used the usborne books too, I think they are great.