"I'll bring you those quite nice pale blue m&s jeans that are too big for me now"

[LadyBigtoes]

From an email from my mum who is visiting on Sunday.

I'm so hyper-sensitised to her constant little digs and judgypants and underhand remarks about my weight, my parenting, dp whatever that I can't even think straight to know whether IABU to find this annoying.

So am I, and if so can anyone think of a polite but firm reply that will not result in her arguing and trying to force me into accepting them.

Apart from the fact that she's a somewhat non-stylish 75 and I don't share her taste in trousers, she is always trying to give me stuff as a way of trying to put me in a position where I have to be grateful and she can convince herself we get on.

Long backstory and i dont want to out myself but think stately homes writ large. I can barely tolerate her and i don't know how to reply to stuff like this without getting angry. (if I do get even slightly emotional she thrives on it and turns it into a massive drama so I have to tread carefully).

I'm genuinely prepared to be told IABU. I just feel so worn down.

Donkeys thanks, I think yours is great too as she really can't argue with it at all. I just want to stop her actually bringing them as she will badger me to try them on (so she can watch and make more remarks abotu my weight) and then get unpleasant when I refuse. I am going to reply to her now so will use a combo of this and some others.

My grandmother used to do this but she wasn't being malicious..she really didn't get the 'style' thing, if a item of clothing fitted and had 'plenty of wear left' then she couldn't understand why anyone would refuse an offer...she went through war years though so I guess it was understandable..even if we looked a mess as kids dressed in adapted clothes

Nothing to add as "no thanks, they're really not my style" is perfect.
Just wanted to say that my mother is exactly the same.

I can identify with every single thing you've posted. The forcing something you don't want on you just so she can convince herself you're grateful, the sly digs that no one else would notice, the gigantic drama if you attempt to stand up to her in the tiniest way, the faux concern. All of it.

You are not alone!

Thanks Randall I appreciate it. Because I'm aware that it could seem like such a tiny thing to get upset about. It does help to know there are others of you out there who know what I mean.

Oh I could write a book of her pithy one-liners. They're really can be very impressive.

A recent good one was about a skirt I was wearing "oh, I couldn't wear a skirt like that. You either need to be slim like your sister, or tall like you."

Boom. Right between the eyes!