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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To even be thinking about having a baby now?

25 replies

Happydays12345 · 03/10/2013 15:28

I suspect I am being very unreasonable to be even thinking of having a baby now.

Didn't want any more babies but since my period came after a recent pregnancy scare I've been disappointed. The main feeling was relief when I realised my period had arrived but now I'm a bit sad. I think I convinced myself I was pregnant.

Dp feels the same, relief that I wasn't pregnant but a bit sad too.

We've talked about it and he said he was happy to have a baby if that's what I wanted. I don't want to rush into anything rash in case it's my hormones talking or something.

Anyway the reasons why its not a good idea

The timing isn't great, we've only been together 6 months. We're planning on living together in the not too distant future and have talked about getting married eventually.

I have two children already a 7 year old and a 16 year old so I thought my baby days were behind me.

We're both self employed with varying earnings.

We live in a tiny 3 bed house so would have to move eventually

I'm sure there was more than this reason wise.

So come and tell me IABVU and I will stop this silly idea.

OP posts:
CoffeeTea103 · 03/10/2013 15:35

As both of you felt relieved, it does say a lot. Also your dp said that he would be happy if you wanted a baby, he should want that just as much as you. Yanbu to want another baby, but just make sure the reasons are the right one for both of you.

meditrina · 03/10/2013 15:39

Yes, YABU. 6 months is still a new relationship, and you're not living together yet.

Now perhaps you will have a baby with him one day, but I suggest you wait until you've lived together for a few months before TTC.

Teapot13 · 03/10/2013 15:41

When I saw your title I was preparing to type my standard "children were born during the war." I think some people put off having children for silly reasons. But you are still in a new relationship. Can it wait a year?

Original poster
Happydays12345 · 03/10/2013 15:42

Yes I know, it's too soon isn't it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Happydays12345 · 03/10/2013 15:43

I think a year is a good idea, at least then i will know of I really want a baby.

OP posts:
SpiceAddict · 03/10/2013 15:47

YABU
Your relationship is not committed enough yet. I won't say that you have to be married, but you are not even living together yet!

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 03/10/2013 15:47

You don't live together yet, you've only been together six months. Just give it some time. Live together, enjoy some time as a couple, maybe even get married if you want, and then see how you feel about a baby. So yes, YABU, but good on you for recognizing that you would be best to just wait a bit.

piratecat · 03/10/2013 15:48

how old are you?

cantspel · 03/10/2013 15:50

Wait. It would not be fair on the new baby or the children you already have to have a child now with a bloke you have only been with 6 months and never even lived with.

NotYoMomma · 03/10/2013 15:51

I don't get why people want to have babies 6 months in. it totally baffles me.

way to put huge pressure and stress on a new relationship

Original poster
Happydays12345 · 03/10/2013 15:58

I'm 32.

Another reason against is I've just started having child free nights when my Dc's are with their Dad and that is quite nice.

OP posts:
BaronessBomburst · 03/10/2013 16:04

And having read your other thread, first you need to get to the bottom of your dizzy spells and bloating!

Original poster
Happydays12345 · 03/10/2013 16:07

I'm at the drs now waiting to be seen. Hopefully they will find out what's wrong.

OP posts:
Elfhame · 03/10/2013 16:11

Six months is too soon.

Original poster
Happydays12345 · 03/10/2013 16:24

That's why I know I'm bring unreasonable, it is too soon.

I'm worried we might struggle to conceive if we leave it too long.

OP posts:
Original poster
Happydays12345 · 03/10/2013 16:26

That's why I know I'm bring unreasonable, it is too soon.

I'm worried we might struggle to conceive if we leave it too long.

OP posts:
AnandaTimeIn · 03/10/2013 16:33

he was happy to have a baby if that's what I wanted.

Hmmm, have you asked him if he is ready to be there for the next 18-at-least years?

Original poster
Happydays12345 · 03/10/2013 16:36

Well yes he said he was. You never really know though do you.

OP posts:
Dahlen · 03/10/2013 16:56

Yes it would be unreasonable to deliberately get pregnant under your current circumstances.

However, I think what you're experiencing is a very normal reaction to the loss of an unplanned pregnancy. I'm sorry for your miscarriage BTW. Flowers

You had a glimpse of an alternative future and you immediately began to adapt to it. While it wasn't a future you planned, you are now mourning the loss of it. It's a normal emotional reaction and will pass. Don't do anything to change the status quo while you're going through it though.

Good luck with the new relationship. Smile

handcream · 03/10/2013 16:58

Are you thinking of accidently becoming pregnant? I feel a 'well he's a bloke and I dont feel complete without one'.

Why? After 6 months. Its not enough time.

Original poster
Happydays12345 · 03/10/2013 17:13

Thanks Dahlen, I wasn't pregnant though just thought I was.

No I'm not thinking of accidently getting pregnant. If I do it'll be both of our choices.

Just got back from Dr's, I'm not diabetic, they've told me to keep taking the stomach tablets for a month and then stop and if I don't feel better they'll do more tests. I've got to keep taking the dizzy tablets for another week and then try to wean myself off them gradually and see if I feel better. So after all that I still don't know what's wrong with me.

OP posts:
Blissx · 03/10/2013 18:29

I'm worried we might struggle to conceive if we leave it too long.. Um, you are only 32. Still quite young. Really not something to be worried about right now. At the moment, it could just be your reaction to the pregnancy scare and grief for the 'baby' you thought might be there, temporarily. Don't be in a hurry to plug that grief without actually being secure in your relationship and happy with yourself.

Original poster
Happydays12345 · 03/10/2013 18:38

No I know it would be crazy to have a baby now. I do think its just because I'd sort of got used to the idea.

OP posts:
piratecat · 03/10/2013 18:46

when you think you are pg then it opens up all sorts of feelings and thoughts. You'll work through them, and when the time is right good luck!

Original poster
Happydays12345 · 03/10/2013 20:19

Thanks, I think we definitely need to wait.

OP posts:
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