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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Fuming at FIL

41 replies

charleyturtle · 03/10/2013 11:42

When dp's grandparents died he was very little (about 7-8) so they left his inheritance, a generous sum of money, to FIL with the understanding that it would be given to DP when he needed it.

2 years ago FIL called us round and told us that the money was all ready for us when we needed it. Since then we have moved in together and had a baby. now we are looking to buy our own house (we have really grown out of our tenny tiny flat) so we mentioned to FIL that we had meetings next week with a few banks to talk about a mortgage. FIL then asked how we are affording the deposit, we told him we were hoping to use the inheritance money he told us was ready when we were ready (and now we are more than ready). he then told us that he no longer has it and we will have to wait around 3 years for him to get the money together. He then went into a huge rant about how it wasn't fair that he was having to find the money while MIL and my parents aren't giving us any of their money. When I pointed out that my parents had agreed to pay the fees for solicitors, moving vans etc and MIL had put money aside to buy us big items we couldn't afford (white goods) he got all huffy and said "well its hardly x amount of money is it?" Completely missing the point that this money was never his in the first place and was meant to be kept safe for DP to have.

I am angry for a few reasons

he has let dp down AGAIN! He has been a very absent father for the past 15 years or so and has often made promises that he backed out of.
Dp is upset that he believed FIL this time and feels like a fool.
FIL was the one who brought up the money in the first place and since then has often brought it up and told us he would give it to us for a deposit on a house when we sorted out a mortgage.
Why would he even bring it up in the first place if he had no intention of giving Dp the money!
FIL is living alone in a 6 bed house that he bought mortgage free, it seems to me that he has used his childrens inheritance to buy this house. (DP is one of 3 and the same amount of money has been left to all of them, so this adds up to a fairly large sum)

I feel disappointed that our plans are on hold now as we (stupidly) were counting on that money as a deposit. I am FUMING at how FIL has upset my DP again. DP was making lots of life plans based around us buying our own home, he wanted to try for another baby and build a home that our children could grow up in. now he feels like he should never have got his hopes up based on what his flakey dad promised. Dp said he is used to his dad letting him down all the time so he is embarrassed that he let himself and me get excited about this.

Sorry its so long I am just angry and upset and needed to vent. But basically aibu for getting annoyed about this and if not how do we move forward from here?

OP posts:

IamSlave · 03/10/2013 12:13

You pay £6 for requesting copy of will, you need to know the last address of GP, date of death, Its anonymous.

grovel · 03/10/2013 12:15

If you wind FiL up too much he might find the GP's money from somewhere but cut your DP out of his will.

Beccagain · 03/10/2013 12:19

Grovel...are you the FiL.

It seems (and admittedly we only have one side of it) that the winding up is all being done by him!

aciddrops · 03/10/2013 12:19

Apart from what your FIL says, how do you know the money was left to your DP?

As others have said, you need to see the will. If there is no will or if there is no reference to the money being looked after in a trust for your DP then I'm afraid it has all been hot air.

Your FIL sounds like an idiot though.

Gruntfuttock · 03/10/2013 12:25

My first (possibly unhelpful) thought on reading the OP was:- "Sue the bastard!" It really is outrageous behavior on the part of your FIL. I agree with the post upthread that you seriously need to get legal advice and send him a formal letter. Don't let him get away with it.

grovel · 03/10/2013 12:27

Beccagain, no I'm not the FiL!!

I've just seen this happen. GPs left money to their son on the (unwritten) understanding that each (of 2) GC would get £20k on their 21st birthdays. He didn't have it available in cash or liquid investments and failed to deliver. One of the children made an almighty fuss. Father had to sell a cherished vintage car. The child was cut out of his will (and lost out on £250k).

BlingBang · 03/10/2013 12:29

Is this an official or informal agreement? Feel your pain. My dad had the money my mum left to me and my siblings transferred from her account to his and tried to hide the will (which was common knowledge).

Original poster

charleyturtle · 03/10/2013 12:43

I didnt know you could get a copy of a will. I will tell dp. This only happend last night so am still getting my head round it I guess.

Tha.ks for the barclays link. We have a meetimg with them next week :) hopefully hope is not lost.

OP posts:

Beccagain · 03/10/2013 12:43

That is one horrendous story Grovel. Just goes to show that even parents can be dicks. What a bastard! He clearly cherished his car more than his children!

IamSlave · 03/10/2013 12:57

well the moral is - do not rely on verbal contracts when doing a will. simply put it in writing then it cant be disputed.

Get the will charley I am not sure without concrete proof of money being intended for your DH what you could possibly do.

That is without entering into crippling expensive litigation.

Kewcumber · 03/10/2013 12:59

I know someone who's mother died when she was 13. Father remarried after 30 years widowed only married a few years before he died. When he died new wife binned or kept everything of first wife (binned family photos, kept jewellery) rather than give it to her two daughters. They have nothing of their mothers or their fathers.

He was a dick for not giving it to his daughters earlier and she was a witch for not doing the decent thing and giving them the stuff with no value that they wanted. Her argument was he left her everything in the will so everything was hers.

Some people are just vile.

Wills bring out the worst in people

IamSlave · 03/10/2013 13:00

Its power, giving one control over another.

Relying on human nature when humans are cruel and petty and don't do the right thing.

BloodiedWellies · 03/10/2013 13:10

yes, it's true. Wills bring out the worst in people.

In my extended family we currently have a situation where relatives have received mega bucks (think 100s of thousands) each in the will... except for a step-daughter who received a 'small' amount... tens of thousands.

The biological children are suing her for it, despite it being very clear in the will, on the basis of her not being a blood daughter.

The biological children are each receiving about 300 times what the step daughter is. but they are still nickel and diming.

It is making me sick to my stomach.

LemonBreeland · 03/10/2013 13:28

Bloodied that is truly awful. I don't know how they can live with themselves.

OP I hope there is a will.

StupidFlanders · 03/10/2013 13:39

Also hoping there's a will. I get so angry about the behaviour some people exhibit after a death.

Lj8893 · 03/10/2013 13:47

Disgusting story bloodied some people are so shocking!!

Hope there is a will Op and it gets sorted quickly for you.

The fact your fil mentioned the money a little while ago makes me think that he had either a) already spent it and was mentioning it to get an idea of when he needed to get it back or b) was planning to spend it and so was just making sure you wernt planning on asking for it any time soon.

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