To feel resentful at au pairs holiday?

[Thirstysomething]

We had no help until now, but with baby no 4 here, we have got a German au pair.
She is great in many ways, but rubs me up the wrong way quite a bit.
Case in point - she has been here four weeks and this weekend she is going up to London then taking a weeks holiday. She is asking to stay with my brother for three days, then she is bringing a friend back to stay here for five days ("it will be perfectly possible for her to stay in my room, I am sure she won't mind" she said, when I looked a bit surprised. I was so taken aback that I seem to have agreed. (Tbh I am a bit scared of her!).
I think it would be unreasonable of me to mind if she had been here longer, but she has only been around for a month!!
Nothing I can do now - but AIBU to feel a bit resentful?
I presume I am paying her for this week she is away...

How about writing down an advance invoice for her friend covering her 5 day stay. You're not running a free hotel. She might change her mind of her own accord.

Agree with the others this is where you need to refer to her contract and your house rules re: overnight guests.

If I understand she's going to London and staying with your brother and then bringing her friend to yours and not working that week.

You're her boss. You might be feeling fragile and hormonal and you might want her to be happy but she's here to do a job and if it's not a good time then it's not a good time for holiday. You need to tell her.

APs get a certain amount of paid holiday but usually a contract says this needs to be mutually convenient. You certainly need to spell out that taking a week now means she's using up a week of her annual allowance.

I suggest you also post this in the CMs, nannies and APs section under childcare.

Firstly, or course you have to give her paid holidays
Secondly, do you even have a contract? If not, sort it out now!
Thirdly, you don't have to agree to her friend staying. You can also decide between you when she takes her holidays.

I have had 3 au pairs and I can imagine our 3rd like yours but not the other two. Thankfully because of them I knew no 3 was being unreasonable and after 2 months we asked her to leave.

You probably feel that you can't go back and say no. I understand.you are not feeling unreasonable about the situation but I'm not sure what you can do about it. Perhaps saying your brother can't put her up will make her change her plans.maybe say he could put her up in a month or so and could her friend postpone her trip till then?

If you have no contract about holidays etc then now is the time to discuss this. Tell her she will be using up x amount of her holiday time. It's she going to be minding the kids while her friend is there? If she is then that's not holiday time and you should expect all the usual duties.

It sucks when you feel someone is taking advantage. I do feel for you. Getting DH involved helped me when I could not talk to our no3 about her incompetence.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Just. Say. No.

Thanks everyone - I agree I have been a numpty, but thanks Vera for the kind words!
I have been clueless, but where I live, no one has au pairs, so I had no idea how you went about it - I didn't know you had a contract, I just went on a website, found a nice girl, skyped, checked her references and bob's your uncle... Naive? Um, yes. But also (at that time) looking after three kids under six at home all day while at the end of pregnancy in a hot summer holidays, utterly frazzled and dh unexpectedly got new job working 8-8pm, so was desperate!
Experience duly tucked under belt.
However.
I am about to have big chat "now you have been here a month, I think we need to talk about what is working and what isn't...."
She is not staying with my brother (he is away, so although she wondered if she could get his keys(!), I had a great excuse to say no, it wouldn't be appropriate.)
I always intended to pay her during her holidays over Christmas when we have bought her flights back to Germany (and by the way, she does of course have two days a week off) - I just wasn't expecting her to take another holiday so soon. Or to have a friend to stay - they will be out all the day, but she has now offered to be home to help with bath time most days.
She is an only child and, I think very spoilt and unthinking. I am a natural pushover "like me, like me" - but am trying hard to "grow a pair". I am just finding the whole au pair role hard to get my head around - if I was paying her a decent amount, I would feel more able to be the 'boss'.
But au pair wages are tiny! (Woohoo, we couldn't afford one otherwise)
She is fantastic in other ways - doesn't want to eat with us every evening, is really responsible, etc etc.
Anyway, I feel MUCH better about AIBU, I think it WAS unreasonable of me to be resentful, because I should have been clearer from the start. But it is good to hear that you think she is a bit out of order.
However, I am now going to write down a contract of sorts and make sure she knows that it is not acceptable to announce she is taking holiday at such short notice and this is the last time she can have someone to stay.
I would love a template contract to make sure I haven't left anything out - Does anyone have their contract they could pm me?
If this is a muddle, sorry, knackered.

PS Pluto, she is supposed to do an hour in the mornings tidying kids bedrooms etc, (hasn't really happened yet because of her bad back !) and then she helps me with the three older children from 3-7.30 when the older two get home from school.
She has been good about occasionally helping me with ds3 during the day too, although that wasn't part of the original agreement. I haven't needed her much then though, it is really just great to have her during those frantic hours between 3-7, when she cooks their supper and can take over when I have to feed the baby.

long time ago my friend was an au pair in America I went and visited her and stayed in her room the family were very welcoming I was there for ten days!