I don't think I am but my dh and ds do so give me a reality check

[Stoppicking]

My dh says that I am pushing our year 4 son by making him work too hard. My ds says that noone has to work as hard as he does (probably due to listening to his father's moans).

5 nights a week (I'm not fussed which 5 nights but ds has chosen Sun-Thurs) he has to do:

10 minutes of reading (school state between 15-30 minutes so already under on that in my book)
Run through that week's spelling tests
Complete a set piece of homework once a week (I've tried explaining to both dh and ds that he could do a bit of it a night but he chooses to do it all in one sitting)
30 minutes of music practice

That's it. So am I really being unreasonable?

OP can I ask which instruments? I don't think 30 minutes is too long (particularly for two instruments) but I question whether learning two at this point is constructive.

Learning two instruments is great for both instruments: the note-reading, rhythms etc are the same for any instrument so musical things learnt in the course of playing either instrument will help with the other IYSWIM.

My elder daughter has Grade VIII distinction in a couple of very different instruments. She's never done anything approaching 30 minutes a day of practice.

My younger has Grade VII distinction in a couple of vaguely related instruments (ie, you blow into both of them). I doubt she does 30 minutes a week.

Both play in orchestras and ensembles of various sorts, so are playing a couple of hours a week. But in year 4? I doubt they played from one week's end to the next.

(sorry not read whole thread)

Apart from the music practice, which could easily be 15 mins, YANBU (IMHO). My Y2 DD theoretically does all of that apart from the one bit of longer homework a week - so we do spellings and 15-20 mins practice 5 nights a week, and reading in the mornings.

My DD is Y5 in French system, she would be in Y4 in the English system.

She does a lot more work outside school than the OP's son! It sounds just fine to me.

Bonsoir she probably also has a much shorter school day/week so I am not sure that is a valid comparison.

School is 9 am to 4.30 pm on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. On Wednesday she has other activities that French school doesn't provide (art, sport) and a lot of homework (at least two hours).

Music aside - as op's ds is happy with that - not excessive at all, in the sense that that is what is expected by schools. Personally, I think schools expect too much but DD does similar amount in YR3.

DD has 26 contact hours per week at school. I doubt that is less than a Y4 in England would get.

My Y2 DD has 37.5 hour "standard" school week plus after school activities (at school, 4 days a week).

I'm really saddened by people's attitude to music. Just because you aren't going to earn money from it doesn't mean that it isn't valuable.

I played three instruments as a child, and while I don't currently play regularly it enhanced my life in a myriad of ways and music will always be very important to me.

15 minutes a day at that age is not excessive, any less than that per instrument and he isn't going to make any progress. The reading and other homework sound fine to me as well.

We do 15 minutes reading every day, plus 10 minutes of either spelling or French 2-3 times a week with DS1 who is in Y1. He also reads for pleasure, does swimming twice a week plus sports club after school one day a week and still has masses of time for just vegging, watching TV, playing and whatever else he wants to do.

My DD also has another 10 hours of out of school activities (not in school) so 36 contact hours in total. I am not counting lunch times.

30 minutes' music practice a night is FINE in year 4. Of course he's going to moan everyone does but there's no point in learning (or your paying for lessons) UNLESS he practises. My brothers were both doing 30 minutes on each instrument at that age.

15 mins a day music practice! Appears more value placed on this than schoolwork.

I think YABU.

My 5 year old is on stage 5 of the ORT - so the books are just starting to get quite challenging for him in terms of length and new words. The only thing that is 'compulsory' is that we read his current school book every night, which can take up to half an hour depending on how much he wants to discuss it. Sometimes it's only ten minutes.

He gets homework on a Friday which he will do either Friday/Saturday/Sunday.

Every so often we practice his words list - but there is no set schedule for this.

Every so often we practise the piano - but again, there is no set schedule for this.

Compulsory reading AND spelling AND music EVERY night at this age is too much for a four year old IMO and is more like to damage their love of learning if you are having to force/cajole them into it.

Oh, I stand corrected...just seen it is YEAR 4, not 4 year old.

Mmm, not so UR in that case.

However, I still feel the 'schedule' a little rigid. Do they have to practice their spelling and music EVERY night?

Also, by year 4 - i'm assuming he can read, so the 'learning' stage is past and now the reading skills just need to be expanded.

I can't see that MAKING a 9 year old read every night will do anything except harm a potential love of reading as they see it as only a chore. Books should be enjoyable. Find books that your son finds enjoyable.

NK

How so? The OP's child will have spent approximately 5 hours doing school work - at school.

Gangsters read the thread. The child is 8/9, not 4.

x-posts

I'd ease up because it ends in a lot of arguments and there are studies that argue quite convincingly that all homework at primary is really just to keep the parents happy, it doesn't really affect their academic progress.

Spelling homework is dull as ditchwater, my dc are divided into those who can spell easily, so don't need to waste their time on this, and one who can't spell at all no matter how hard she tries, so this isn't a very useful activity for her either. I would let him do as little as he can get away with on the spelling.

I agree with Gangsters, reading is one of life's great pleasures and shouldn't be forced, I'd worry about making it a chore. I'd read to him if he doesn't want to read to himself. Or play language games or strategy games with him. Educational stuff that's more fun than the tedious primary homework tasks.

Also, don't focus on the reading aspect.

Focus on a love of books. So what interests him? Cars/music/martial arts?

STOP 'forcing' him to read. Completely. Even if he does NO reading practice for a couple of weeks. Tell him he can have one book a week of his choosing. Take him to a bookshop or plonk him in front of a laptop and let him browse amazon.

If he chooses completely un educational books full of pictures, so be it. If he chooses comics or a book of fart jokes, or a book detailing pranks he can play on unsuspecting family members, fine.

Show him the value of books. What can be gained from them. That he can enjoy them.

Successful reading (being able to read for pleasure OR necessity and retain information) can only come once the above has been achieved. Some kids are born with a love of books. Some won't discover it until age 6/8/10/15.

A child forced to read dull-as-ditchwater (to them) text simply because they have to know the words will never achieve it.

Hi, I don't think that sounds unreasonable at all.

My Yr 4 boy has 1 x Maths h/w & 1 x spelling h/w per week from school plus daily 20 mins reading (and a reading record to fill in to be signed at home and school every day). He also plays 2 instruments so practises most nights for about 30 mins in total, except when he's had a lesson or orchestra.

He grumbles occasionally if the music practice is difficult but never about the school homework (easy) or reading (he loves this and always reads for at least 20 mins in bed just before he goes to sleep). We also have a firm rule that school work and music practise are non-negotiable whereas all other activities are choice so if there isn't time to fit things in it's the other stuff that will go first. This is because schoolwork has to be done obviously, and music practice is the one thing that all our children experience that doesn't come easily to them but you get better if you practise - it's more for the life-lesson that I'm non-negotiable here than because they're virtuosos! They're now all competent enough to really enjoy their orchestras and ensembles which makes them keener to practise anyway.

For the Yr 4 one, Maths and Spelling h/w are both done if possible on Friday evening so he can enjoy the weekend freely. Seems to work for us.

YANBU!

YANBU apart from the music.

Another on who read it as 4 year old

I think the music practice is a bit much if he isn't keen to do that much. Sure it's been said already (haven't read every post)

School work - yep, fine. But, Op, does he read with you? Do you engage with his reading? If not he's most likely not getting much out of 10 mins forced reading time.

Sorry, thought it was AGE four!

Still think 30 mins is too much, 15 mins 3x a week is more like it.

I also can't understand how people think 15 mins music practice is enough for a 9yr old! My dcs started music lessons at 4yrs old and they did 15 mins practice a day then. Dd is 9yrs old now and grade 6+ and can easily fill 30mins + on one instrument. Ds is 6 and does around 15/20 mins. It isn't all boring and is in fact very beneficial. They enjoy playing games, reviewing pieces, and learning new ones, as well as doing scales and other important things like that!

I'm sure the op also said her ds enjoys the music practice and the problem is more about school work.