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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask my mum to cut down on the Christmas presents?

22 replies

RFLmum · 02/10/2013 22:07

My lovely generous mum (in her eighties) adores christmas. She enjoys shopping for presents all year and has been known to ask me what the Xmas plans are in January! Last year, the children had an enormous sack of presents each from her. In fact they had so many I only bought them one present from us because the volume of presents was looking obscene. They get in a bit of a frenzy on the day. Ripping open 20-30 presents each and it really worries me that they just expect this as normal. She's already got a good few ready for this year. I don't really know what to do. I don't want to upset her because she's enjoying treating the children - but I think its too much and I don't like feeling like I can't get them things because she gets them so many. Do I say anything or just shrug and be grateful?

OP posts:

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 02/10/2013 22:13

Difficult isn't it?

We had to tell MIL that she didn't need to buy DS tons of christmas presents last year (first Christmas). We had moved house and she said 'but you've got all that space to fill!'. Argh! Yes, but not with 100's of toys!

We said in a nice way that it would be much better if DS could have money to buy toys for the garden instead, a swing, slide etc and a just a few new toys. It worked.

wheretoyougonow · 02/10/2013 22:17

Yep - have had this conversation. I now sort through what she has bought for them and we hold some back for Easter and birthdays etc.
It's done out of love but there is a limit!

PoppyWearer · 02/10/2013 22:19

She's in her eighties though? I understand where you're coming from, but I would agree that channeling her energies/money to better things might be better than stopping her altogether?

Sorry to say it, but I would imagine she is thinking "this might be the last one" and wants to go all-out.

Toys for the garden is a great idea. Expensive but at least you don't have to have it in the house!

deste · 02/10/2013 22:20

Do you know what, I would just leave her but tell the children that when granny is no longer able you won't get the same amount of presents. Put the money you would spend on them into their bank accounts and if they need anything during the year ie spending money for holidays, then its there if they need it.

MmmmWhiteWine · 02/10/2013 22:28

He this problem with my MIL. She always used to get my DDs way too much and to be honest it got embarrassing when I was having to encourage them to keep opening presents long after they'd got to the stage where they were overwhelmed (and bored, I mean who wraps up a pack of baby wipes to give to a child??) It was just way too much for them. SHe has now, sort of, taken the hint, although they still get far too much (as far as I'm concerned)

MmmmWhiteWine · 02/10/2013 22:29

We have this problem...

SatinSandals · 02/10/2013 22:30

I would get her to start a bank account with regular savings. It would really upset me and if it was my mother I would just tell her, nicely, that it spoils Christmas.

MidniteScribbler · 02/10/2013 22:37

Same situation in this house. DS has no grandparents, but I have one elderly relative that lives wit me and has never married or had children herself, so DS is like her grandson. I've managed to steer her in the direction of chipping in with me for a big play gym for the background this christmas instead of lots of little presents. He'll get better use out of it anyway. Next year I'll suggest the trampoline.

I do find that steering her towards certain things works better than just saying no. Books are always welcome. Craft materials are great. Lego and Matchbox cars are fine. It gives her things that she can buy, rather than restricting her to not buying anything at all and doesn't make me the 'meanie' when trying to limit the amount of clutter in my house.

marriedinwhiteisback · 02/10/2013 22:40

My mother does this but the DC are 18 and 15 now. For at least five years they have had it well in perspective and have commented "oh god, what weird stuff has she got this year". They really don't expect it and fully appreciate it's a bit ott and strange - just glad really that we do NY with her and not Xmas nowadays. But she enjoys it and gets genuine pleasure from it and you know what - she's in her late 70s and won't be around for ever and might not see them get married and be a great grandma and I'm not raining on her parade.

Retroformica · 02/10/2013 22:41

I wouldn't say anything till the week before and then mention that you had planned to spread her fab gifts out so that the children can enjoy them even more. Can you do a gift a day from Xmas eve to new year with the majority on Xmas day as normal.

Blowninonabreeze · 02/10/2013 22:47

My grandma did this for us, once we became teenagers it became embarrassing, we literally couldn't look at anything in a shop because if you were slightly favourable about it, she'd buy it. My mum sympathised and tried to talk to my grandma about it.
Imagine my surprise when my mum started doing the same for my DDs! I spoke to her, pointed out the similarities and she's toned it down a lot. She now tends to buy experiences or lessons etc as she understands we don't want the DDs spoilt with load of material possessions

Blowninonabreeze · 02/10/2013 22:47

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 02/10/2013 22:51

I would leave her to it.

I know you want to buy your DC things, so why not 1 expensive item like an xbox

SugarHut · 02/10/2013 23:12

I hate to be morbid, but realistically if she's in her 80's she may not reach her 90's. And if watching her grandchildren open a lot of presents from her at Christmas makes her happy, then I would just let her :) x x x

sonlypuppyfat · 02/10/2013 23:17

Think yourselves lucky my mum loathes Christmas if she had her way no one would get anything

NaturalBaby · 02/10/2013 23:22

My MIL is like this as well - she spends all day asking why the dc's haven't finished opening all their presents because they've got bored and have run off to play with their cousins. She would be terribly upset if we asked her to cut down so we make suggestions like a joint present or bigger present so her budget is a bit more focused!

LazyGaga · 02/10/2013 23:27

MIL does this and it gets so stressful trying to find room for everything. We then also have surreal conversations where she says to me "I don't know what to get them this year, THEY'VE GOT SO MUCH STUFF ALREADY" whilst giving me a semi-accusing glare .

Well, you bought it, you daft bugger!

LazyGaga · 02/10/2013 23:28

I have tried many times to ask her to tone it down but it never gets through.

FavoriteThings · 02/10/2013 23:33

I had this problem with a relative of mine. I couldnt stop her. I realised that in her case, she was kind of doing it for herself. She wanted to give.
So I have had to end up letting her. And DH and I have spent less on them ourselves, as you did, to counterbalance.

What is she like during the rest of the year?

My relative does a trimmed down version for birthdays, and now my kids are old enough, they understand what is going on, so it is no longer a problem.

Xmasbaby11 · 02/10/2013 23:53

I would let her enjoy it, as long as she can afford it and doesn't buy unsuitable gifts.

My parents and in laws don't believe in spoiling DD, so she just gets one smallish present from each set. I wouldn't mind, but we are quite skint and DD isn't spoilt at all (we get most of her toys and clothes from charity shops / NCT sales) and I wouldn't mind her getting given a few brand new toys!

thehorridestmumintheworld · 03/10/2013 00:09

If this makes your mum happy let her go for it and either give them one big thing yourself or maybe put the money towards a nice outing.

Original poster

RFLmum · 03/10/2013 07:51

Thanks everyone. I think I'm with most of you in that I think I should just be grateful and let her get on with it - but maybe try and manage it a bit better with the children (warning them this is a special thing that Granny does) and try and suggest items to her. I'm aware I'm v lucky that she wants to spoil us all and I won't have her forever :-( . Thanks

OP posts:

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