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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to HATE the after school / pre bed few hours

32 replies

mistyshouse · 02/10/2013 16:46

dcs are 4 and 7 and am upduffed, sick and hormonal atm so thats prob not helping

its getting to the stage where i am dreading it all day

and thats not right is it? dreading seeing my children?? i dont even go to work ffs

from the minute they come out they start. they grumble and dawdle all the way home, (about 20 minutes) particularly the 4 year old. they bicker, shout, incessantly TALK at me, constantly demand things, i'm hungry i'm thirsty etc then drinks etc just get left lying around. they tell tales about eachother (they are both going through a lying stage atm ie they lie about stuff the other has done to get the other in trouble iyswim. they are hyper, over tired and every single dinner without fail they piss about and half the food ends up on the floor. while i am trying to prepare tea and sort homework, reading etc. and it doesn't let up till bedtime when i am a quivering wreck

its not good to dread and wish away all this time?? i feel awul

does it get better and is there anything i can do to make it more bearable for us all. i don't want to be a shouty, angry mum. they are only little once, i am meant to be enjoying it :(

OP posts:
HumphreyCobbler · 02/10/2013 16:51

oh, don't worry, it WILL get better. What are you cooking for their tea? I found that something I could get ready early in the day and then just bung on the table was helpful as then I didn't have to mess about with food and deal with the children.

Make a routine of a drink and a snack at the table when they get in. I give mine some tv time before tea, with the understanding that after tea we do homework/reading. Some of the reading gets done in the morning as my little one is too tired to be that on the ball in the night time.

I am not saying it always works, sometimes I am shouty mum still, but routine and advance planning helped.

ImagineJL · 02/10/2013 16:51

I know exactly what you mean. Mine are the same ages and pretty similar. I'm so envious of people whose kids park themselves in front of the TV after school. My boys won't sit down, they want to play but are too tired, and end up bickering and then crying. I sometimes beg them to watch TV!

NipLash · 02/10/2013 16:51

I find this time hard too. Something I've done recently that has really helped me is buying a slow cooker. It means I don't have to start cooking dinner while the kids are tired and grumpy and there's so much other stuff to do. It's all ready when we want it.

The other thing I do is drink gin to calm my nerves after they're in bed. But I probably shouldn't recommend that.

HumphreyCobbler · 02/10/2013 16:53

oh and the book How to talk so Kids will listen is brilliant for sorting these stressful situations. I have had lists pinned up on my kitchen cupboards to remind me of how to deal with situations.

mrsmindcontrol · 02/10/2013 16:53

I have 3 DS aged 3, 6 & 7 and I feel the same. It's painful. Argument after row, after tantrum, after shouting fit, after demand, after meltdown.
I HATE it!

LaurieFairyCake · 02/10/2013 16:55

I always met primary age kids at the gate with a snack and a drink

  1. It made them shut up cos they had to eat
  1. It was low blood sugar as ages since lunch
  1. It made the little fuckers like me more
KittyLane1 · 02/10/2013 16:57

I thought it was just me!!

DD started nursery 2 months ago, she has been an absolute nightmare ever since. Constantly whining, crying, screaming. I want juice/food/sweetie and doesn't touch it. Constant tantrums and moaning about nothing such as the lollipop man didn't wave to me...waaaaaaaaa!!!....

She wont relax either, reading or tv she just wants to sit and whine or pester the dog

WahIzzit · 02/10/2013 17:02

I feel for u! Mine are only 3 and 1 but I look forward to their bed time so much but exhaustion mixed with guilt is not a good feeling. Baby has had a stomach bug of some sort and suffered with diarrhoea for nearly a week. I am sick of nappy changing and clothes washing due to leaky nappies. He did it again a bit ago and I feel like crying, he struggles and screams whilst being changed its bloody hardwork.

I keep reminding myself it wont last forever! Wont be able to get them out of their rooms in a few years!

Original poster
mistyshouse · 02/10/2013 17:08

oh god am so glad not just me

was feeling like an awful mother

tbh its been like this since eldest DC started school but got worse since youngest started as well

god whats it gonna be like with a baby in the mix in a few months well at least i will be able to drink once babys born ;)

OP posts:
HumphreyCobbler · 02/10/2013 17:10

IME everything gets more bearable when one is no longer pregnant.

KittyLane1 · 02/10/2013 17:27

I once took DD into town after nursery and out for lunch. Christ almighty what was I thinking?!

I'm hoping she is just going through a phase because it is getting unbearable now. I feel awful but I look forward to nursery time and bedtime and dread waking up :(

twinkletoedelephant · 02/10/2013 17:28

I have a 7 yr old and dt's who are 4 (reception) from the moment u puck them up they are hard work... Dh wanders home about 630 so only spends half hourwith them bbefore bedtime its hard the constant Mum mum mum mum mum mummy he did she did they did ..... Feeding them does help a bit... Also I find wine helps alot or chocolate ( in kitchen with door shut)

Bonsoir · 02/10/2013 17:31

It sounds as if they are very tired when they get out of school.

Do you give your DC something to eat the minute you see them? I think it can help - a banana and some water, for example - and then some time in the park or playground to unwind before going home.

devonsmummy · 02/10/2013 17:31

Definitely my least favourite part of the day!
Mine are 4 & 6 and start bickering the second they set eyes on each other.
Having dinner prepared / cooked before they're home is definitely less stressful.
Only 2 hours til bedtime!

kalms1971 · 02/10/2013 17:31

So glad I'm not the only one who can't stand this time of day. Have found football and other school clubs useful ;-)

hurryup · 02/10/2013 17:36

I have 8dc. If I could put them to bed at 4 I would. Failing that, snacks, get them outside what ever the weather and have dinner prepped for when you come in, veg chopped, pasta bake/cottage pie/lasagne etc all ready so just needs bunging in the oven. Otherwise Wine

funkybuddah · 02/10/2013 17:40

My friends and I stay at school for at least an hour each day unless it's chucking down.

Even in winter we huddle in the playground or Park even when dark because being outside they are easier to deal with than inside.

I think it's normal I call the hours you describe as the hell hours

LazyGaga · 02/10/2013 17:42

Totally agree, it's horrendous! It always seems like other families are wandering home having nice civilised chats about their day while I'm in the midst of civil war with my lot with me acting UN peacekeeper.

LindyHemming · 02/10/2013 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

southbank · 02/10/2013 17:48

Hurryup-wow 8 children?!
How on earth do you get through the moaning,fighting,kicking,hitting,screaming?I only have 2 and feel like tearing my hair out sometimes.
I think on bath nights most of my town can hear them shouting until my ears bleed.

Lavenderhoney · 02/10/2013 17:54

Mine argue and bicker in the car all the way home, whilst having a snack I take for them and a drink. On the way to school its like the waltons, on the way back its meet the fockers.

If there is homework its even more miserable. Even if I try to make it fun, its dreadful. I don't remember school being so exhausting tbh.

MovingForward0719 · 02/10/2013 17:57

Thank you. I was just thinking the same thing before I read your post. It is a grim time of day. I bath them quite early too 6.30ish and they are much nicer company after this til bed time so I guess they just need to chill.

Vivacia · 02/10/2013 18:12

Lots of good advice, what a great thread:

  • Food and water when you pick them up.
  • Possibly spending time at a park before you get home.
  • Have tea ready.
  • Hour's activity such as swimming or football.
  • Earlier bath and longer post-bath quiet time.
Calloh · 02/10/2013 18:22

I just came onto Mumsnet because I can't quite get through it tonight. I was thinking I need a distraction from the fact I'm only half way through.

I am feeding the baby cows milk with a bottle under my chin becauseI've ran out of formula. The dog hasnt yet been fed and would probably call the RSPCA if he had opposable thumbs, the house is a mess and DC2 just tried to dislocate the baby's legs leading to violent screams. It is hideous.

My mother nods darkly when I talk about the hell hours so I think it's a kind of constant of human existence.

I agree with people up thread - the mildly less awful days are the ones that a) you shove carbs in them as soon as you see them, b) supper is prepared earlier in the day just needing re-heating, c) you spend time somewhere else with a friend, preferably outside where the screams get lost on the wind and coldness makes them slightly more biddable.

I do the reading in the morning, DC1 gets up crazy early anyway so he sits on the work surface and reads to me when I make the porridge and empty the dishwasher, he's also in a better mood then as well.

CrispyFB · 02/10/2013 18:26

Mine are the same ages, and do exactly the same. I'm also pregnant! I also have a two year old on top, although as we have no family nearby to relieve me, he goes to nursery a few days a week so I can get some sanity in my life and get housework/family admin sorted.

I always thought school was supposed to tire them out but they are still fighting and swinging from the rafters several hours later.

Some days aren't too bad. But others are a bloody nightmare. It is much harder when you are pregnant, I am finding that some days my patience is a lot less than it is when not pregnant, and that can't be nice for them either.

They just need to decompress after spending the day on (hopefully!) their best behaviour and usually that means letting it all out where it's "safe" to do so. I generally let them do whatever when they get in so long as it's safe, and let them have a snack. Then they're a bit more reasonable later on. But not always!!

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