how sheltered should our children be?

[Igloofornow]

Off the back of the concentration camp thread and a few comments along the lines off, 'we are lucky to live in the west do we really need our children to know what goes on in other countries'

Is this the general consensus? Personally I think the only way to change is to educate, how long do we shelter them for?

I remember watching a programme around planning and a woman contested to a crematorium being built nearby as she didn't want to explain what the big black cars were to her 5 year old, are people really so lucky that they float through life without encountering the shit stuff?

SillyTilly if anything comes up on the news which is contentious, horrific etc I'll always try to talk to my children to see whether they are worried, need an explanation, want to discuss further.

I tend to listen to radio 4 in the car with them so plenty of potential for anything to come up, and I have always tried to talk about topical news, horrific or otherwise. My children are teens now, and we still do it.

I sheild my young children from the endless details about child abduction/rape/murder which are dwelled upon do ghoulishly by the media. I don't see any point in my children knowing about April Jones fir example.

I'm happy fir them to learn about history and politics in an age appropriate way and I'll talk to them about historical context, how people thought about and believed different things years ago, about racial and religious intolerance.

But - my children knew the facts of life from the age of 5/6, they grow up knowing that people die and that God doesn't exist. There is no heaven nor is there hell.

I have found that in 9 yo dd's Belgian school they tend to be quite open about bad things going on round the world, which has made me discuss topics with her that I probably would have left a bit longer. They quite often have the radio on in the classroom if they are doing activities and she has come open talking of war and earthquakes etc.

I remember when the swiss bus crash happened and all those children died, I purposely didnt put the radio on in the car. Dd knows that she will do that trip herself one day and I didn't want to upset her. But they discussed it at school and held a minute's silence etc.

I have always made a point of anwering any questions in a truthful but age appropriate way. Some questions are harder than others. When my aunt died a few years ago, she wanted to know all about what was going to happen etc We've covered 9/11, gay marriage, April Jones's murder....etc etc in the car after school. The latter because they were talking of stranger danger at school, and I wanted to make it VERY clear that it's not just strangers she needs to think of.

When it comes to maths/science/english I'm great at that, but politics/history go way over my head. Need to start taking a bit more interest in it i guess. Thanks all :)

Silly,
do you have psrtner or fsmily around? I am asking because me and dh tend to tslk freely in front of the dcs so they then ask questions and we answer.

For example, i did not say 'right kids come to talk about cyria' but at tea time i said to dh 'did you phone x, is his family ok? Gosh i feel for him' etc. The dcs know X so they asked 'why do you worry mum', i say 'becsuse his family is in syria' and this brings the conversation.
Or. Dh:whats this bag in the hall?
Me: oh it is for the food bank (plus some faces for current gov)
Dd 2: whats food bank?

What im trying to say is that we dont wait for aftet 9pm to talk about things not related to the kids.
I dont know if this makes any sense to you and if it helps at all..

Laquitar-that's what we do and what I meant by everyday conversation. You explained it much better!

Yes I do have a dp however he is a bit like me (worse in fact) We never discuss the news. If I was to say something I'd be lucky to get an acknowledgement grunt lol. Sometimes I talk to my dad about stuff when the dds are there, but not often and I cannot remember her ever asking anything about it. However I am going to try to talk a bit more about things like that because I'd hate for them to grow up like me. Its so debilitating having to avoid news stories because I dwell on them for days. I wish I was more "hard-hearted" but alas I'm a big softie lol.

I understand the need to avoid news! There was an evening this summer with the worst news I can remember about different cases involving children. It then affected my willingness to let my son go to school on his own! You know yourself and self-protection is no bad thing.

Regarding reports of humans doing awful things a trick I learned was to point out how other people come to help.

Valium, i didnt explain it very well it is full of typos! Grin.
I am glad you managed to read it!

Laquitar, very similar in our house. I remember my mum spelling the word bomb in front of DS1 when he was two years old, she was worried about him hearing it

Mind you my mum whispers 'gay, breastfeeding and pregnant'. I love winding her up when she does her face and whispers by pretending I don't know what she is saying till she reaches about 200 decibels

Someone on the other thread mentioned Blue Peter-often used to deal with quite harrowing subjects but it was balanced by doing something positive, remember the bring and buy sales? Everyone used to watch B P so everyone was on the same page in the play ground.

Silly, have a look in the children's library for age appropriate books about politics and history, you may be surprised what's there and they will help you know how to talk about heavy things with a light touch. I've had out 'picture books' on everything from Stalin, to American politics, and the slave trade, all aimed carefully at younger children but not overkill.

I home ed and one of mine has suffered severe brain damage, her brother was studying WW2 in depth, but she can't and doesn't need to understand WW2 past how it affects her everyday life, which is to not break the rememberance Sunday etc silence, and not to be afraid of fly pasts, so for her I did a poppy art and gardening project which my then very young dgc's joined in with. You can do things on many levels.

News round is still quite good from what I have seen.

I think being very open and talking about everything (about WHY you wouldn't be letting them do certain things, the real dangers) can be just as valuable if not the more valuable option than actually letting them experience it themselves at a less secure age (for example maybe letting them wander past a certain point when out by themselves when you would naturally feel uncomfortable about it). That way you don't so much have to worry about them being "scarred" or robbed of their innocence as such by their experiences, but they won't be completely naive and unused to dealing with like concepts with her peers, which would be normal type maturing. Less threatening pictures in their minds but still some idea of react when it happens.

To be honest perhaps another way of looking at it might be "how vulnerable should our children be".

But I think OP is talking about more than the rules for playing out. That such shit happens everywhere and how much do you expose your dcs to it. Certainly they need to be aware of privacy/touching things quite young. Strangers/non strangers - you go nowhere without asking is my rule. My 9 yo dd is a bit squeamish about Pompeii and mummies, though she is really interested in the history surrounding those. She would probably have nightmares if shown photos of open graves.

When I was 8-10 I thought WW2 was fascinating. The grisly pictures didn't bother me at all. I remember getting embarrassed seeing my mother cry at ' The World at War'. I am actually much more likely to get upset now I'm older and know what it's all about. Some years back I watched Atonement without realising it was a war film. I wouldn't have gone if I'd known, and I left the cinema in tears. This is probably because I have, as an adult, a better understanding of the suffering war causes.

I wouldn't assume that children will be upset at images of war, nor would I assume that they will be toughened up by seeing them. Their lack of understanding may protect them, but not for long.