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Original poster

Could my DD9 of been involved in cyber-bullying or was the neighbour's DD15?

24 replies

bengal38 · 01/10/2013 23:06

Basically my DD has a Ipod and so does my neighbour's DD. We have lived next door for the past 8 years and the girl's were very close - always in/out of each others houses with no problems.

My DD has a friend whom the neighbour's DD didn't seem to like. Last time DDs friend came round the neighbour's DD took an instant dislike to her.

3 weeks ago my DD went to her best friends house and when I picked her up my DDs best friend seemed upset and tearful. Her mum went to see if she was ok and I asked her mum if she was ok and she said she was fine. Took my DD and went home. (Both girls had the Ipods with them).

From the time I got home until the Monday morning my DD has so many explicit messages coming through on her Ipod from another 1 of her close friends at the school they both go to. Then it became abit threatening.

Concerned I told the Head Teachers and the Class Teacher at the school as they were coming from her close friends Ipod (or so I assumed).

To cut a long story short my DDs close friends parents were called in and we had a meeting together on the Weds morning with the Head Teacher/Class Teacher. The parents of the girl told me that they had proof that apparently their DD didn't have a Ipod only a Ipad and at the time the messages were sent they were not in anyway. They also had proof that it was the neighbour's child that had hacked into their DDs Ipad and created fake accounts which then resulted in my DD getting the messages.

The girl's parents took it further and the neighbour's child was questioned along with her parents by the Child Support worker/Police that work with the Secondary school she attends. She denied any knowledge and put all of the blame onto my DD.

Today my DD was questioned by the Child Support worker/Police that work with my DDs primary school (same woman that questioned neighbour's child) and got my DDs version of events. My DD admitted that she did say to the neighbour's child that she asked her how to hack her account.

My DD has had her Ipod taken off her now. So who is more to blame? My DD or the neighbour's child.

Or could it be that her close friends sent the messages even though there is no proof of this at all?

OP posts:
RhondaJean · 01/10/2013 23:12

We're these iMessages?

Original poster
bengal38 · 01/10/2013 23:14

Yes they were iMessages

OP posts:
FlapJackOLantern · 01/10/2013 23:15

So.....your 9 year old and next door's 15 year old are close friends?

Original poster
bengal38 · 01/10/2013 23:18

My 9 year old and next door's 15 year old were close friends in a way yes. Why?

OP posts:
Famzilla · 01/10/2013 23:21

I'm confused. Are they saying your DD sent the messages to herself? Or the neighbours DD sent the messages but your DD already knew it was her?

wickedwitchNE · 01/10/2013 23:25

Just read this through 3 times... Say if neighbour's daughter is A, DD's close friend with iPod is B, and DD's 2nd close friend with iPad is C, who did DD's iPod say the messages come from? Were they meant for her? And is DD saying she asked neighbour to hack B's account? Sorry just got confused with all the friends and apple devices!

iMessages can be deleted from the iPod they have been sent from, so AFAIK unless examined 'forensically' it would be very easy to delete any evidence of messages having been sent from an iPod/iPad.
I also think it is easy to hack into accounts though - if DD knew the owner's email and password which they use with their iTunes.

Only you can judge if she is telling the truth however and likely to do that, sounds a bit bizarre - pretending to cyber-bully herself?

Stravy · 01/10/2013 23:27

I don't understand.

Did dd ask neighbour how to hack an iPod, then hack her bf's ipod and send messages to herself.

That can't be right.

Original poster
bengal38 · 01/10/2013 23:29

Sorry Famzilla I know it is confusing - will try to simplify it down for you.

What they are basically saying is that their daughter is innocent in all of this and wasn't at home at the time the messages were sent to my daughter even though it was coming from their daughters email account. (The girls did have a big disagreement the week before this all started).

What her parents then did was put in their daughter's name in google and find out where the messages were coming from - which was the neighbours daughter. On my daughter's Ipod there were 3 fake accounts made up in their daughter's name which they assumed was my daughter that did them to give to the neighbour's child to send the messages. When the messages came through to my daughter's iMessage on the Ipod my daughter assumed it was their daughter sending the messages because they had a disagreement.

OP posts:
CookieLady · 01/10/2013 23:32

I'm thoroughly confused. Confused

Original poster
bengal38 · 01/10/2013 23:33

My DDs Ipod said the messages were coming from her 2nd close friend.
My DD didn't ask how to hack her friend's account she said to the neighbour's child as a joke how to hack into the neighbour's account.

Hope it makes sense.

OP posts:
Stravy · 01/10/2013 23:35

So either your dd and the neighbour are in cahoots to get the other girl in trouble or the other girl is sending the messages and has hoodwinked her parents?

OhMerGerd · 01/10/2013 23:36

From my reading . ... I think you're going to have to accept that your daughter may have been involved in this whether she played a minor or an instigating role.
Who is more to blame is really neither here nor there. You don't want to send a signal to your girl that there are degrees of culpability or that she can get off things by passing the buck. If she talked about hacking shes involved. Even if she did no more than that.
She needs to learn why cyber crime/ bullying is wrong, how to make her own wise decisions, not to follow the pack and tell you or another adult if she is ever asked to do anything online that is deceitful or involves secrets or hacking.
At 9 she should really still be using the Internet ( with parental controls) under supervision and not using things like facebook or the other instant message apps.
15 and 9 is a big gap for friends too. Unless you are certain the 15 year old is very responsible and mature and will be more of a mentor which this doesn't sound like.

Hard as it is it seems at 9 your DD may have to take her share of blame for whatever and learn the lessons. Especially if police are involved. Nip it in the bud now.

if she were mine she would be staying off the i anything until she is a bit older and wiser. She would also be spending more time with her peers engaged in age appropriate activities.

Original poster
bengal38 · 01/10/2013 23:38

My next door neighbours haven't said nothing to us yet. Should I go and knock on their door or would that get their back up?

OP posts:
quoteunquote · 01/10/2013 23:38

remove all access to compute devices, try again in a few years time when they are all older.

sorry OP it's clear as mud, try it again with made up names, so it is easier for us to work out who is who.

Original poster
bengal38 · 01/10/2013 23:41

Yes my daughter has been spoken to properly by me and my husband and is not allowed to use anything unsupervised from now on.

I do understand that my daughter is partly to blame in this and have only myself to blame.

She has been told that she will not be on anything until me and her dad feel she is mature and responsible enough to on her own.

OP posts:
MidniteScribbler · 01/10/2013 23:42

So you believe that the neighbour sent your DDs friend nasty messages from your DDs ipod? Is that it? Or is it that you think the neighbour used your daughters ipod to hack in to DDs friend account then send messages back to your DD? Too bloody confusing.

Ultimately, if the fake accounts were set up on your daughter's ipod, then she has to take some responsibility for the messages that were sent. She should know better than to let the neighbour use her ipod to cause mischief.

OhMerGerd · 01/10/2013 23:47

Sounds like you have you have grasped the nettle with your child and that's where your responsibility ends. It makes no difference whether the 15 yo is more to blame ( age would suggest she should know better) and its up to her parents to sort her out.

Your daughter really understanding what was wrong and channelling her energy / free time more productively is where you need to focus.

Let the 15 year old parents deal with her. You obviously will be supervising any time they spend together in the future if you think it is still a wise friendship to encourage.

ihearsounds · 01/10/2013 23:48

You can trace Imessages with google?I know that there is software out there, but as faik it had to be installed on the device.. Which would mean the girl who is denying it all, was in fact sending the messages.

SaskiaRembrandtVampireHunter · 01/10/2013 23:58

"You can trace Imessages with google?"

AFAIK you can't. If that's what the parents are claiming I'd be more than a bit Hmm

wickedwitchNE · 02/10/2013 00:14

No matter what actually happened it doesn't sound like any of the girls are completely innocent of some sort of cyber-bullying/hacking etc, none of which they are old enough to properly understand yet (I think?!).

Wouldn't bother with neighbour, just try to make sure DD knows hacking is illegal, as is fraud (creating fake accounts = technically fraud), and any form of cyber-bullying. So any of those actions would have consequences even if she were an adult. Hopefully the school will address it too given the involvement of 3 pupils and police - maybe ask the teacher for advice? And keep communication open so if she ever receives 'real' or at least more serious online abuse she comes to you about it again.

friday16 · 02/10/2013 00:21

What her parents then did was put in their daughter's name in google and find out where the messages were coming from - which was the neighbours daughter.

Hmm. Really? Either there's a lot missing from that, or they're talking bollocks.

And I'm interested in this casual use of "hack into", as though every teenager with an iPod is suddenly Kevin Mitnick. I realise that some parents have an excessive faith in the idea that all children are incipient computer geniuses, but largely they aren't. What exactly is being claimed happened when "X hacked into Y's account"?

And what difference does it make if someone has an iPad rather than an iPod Touch? For practical purposes, they run the same software, have the same capabilities and can do all the same things.

This sounds like a group of people, none of whom know what they're talking about, getting themselves rather exercised about a bunch of kids who know each other's passwords.

SavoyCabbage · 02/10/2013 00:30

I'm confused too. can you assign made up names to the children involved?

It sounds like your dd knows more about the technology than you do, which I would rectify if I was you.

Apple run courses to help people understand their products. You need to stay ahead of the game.

My dd is also nine and she has just started imessaging a friend who has moved abroad. I talked to her for ages about it and told her not to put anything in writing that she wouldn't want me or indeed her headteacher to read.

Dayshiftdoris · 02/10/2013 00:39

OP

Am I right in thinking that your daughter had 3 email addresses / numbers / account under the neighbours DD's name on her iPod?

Then she received messages from one of those email / numbers / accounts which came up with Neighbours name?

Am I also right that she gave those accounts to the third girl for her to 'hack' (or even set up)?

If the answer to all that is yes then I think there is a possibility that your DD and the third girl set the neighbour up...

mynewpassion · 02/10/2013 01:08

I think the 15 year old or the op's daughter set up 3 fake
Accounts in the other friend's name on the op's dd iPod.

The messages came from these accounts.

Sometimes you can find where the emails are being sent because of the ip address in them.

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