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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset by the man on the bus and think he was out of order?

26 replies

picniclady · 01/10/2013 22:53

I got on a bus outside a station with ds (2yo) it was the buses starting point and a retired man was sitting in front of us with his wife. As the journey started, I started talking to ds to keep him occupied, I was quiet, no louder than if I'd been chatting to another adult.

Ds opened the obsolete ashtray on the back of the man's chair once, it made a clicking sound and the man looked round and glared. So I distracted ds with looking out the window, cuddling him and pointing out dogs, asking him if he could see any cars/trees etc. I know it's inane talk to an adult, but after a four hour train journey it was keeping ds quiet and happy and we were both giggling quietly and having a cuddle. The man glared round again two more times in response to my quiet chatting with ds. I felt quite intimidated as it was clear he found having us there annoying.

I wanted to say to him 'well if I don't chat to ds he'll likely get bored and have a tantrum, he's two ' I couldn't move seats and so I went quiet in embarrassment at the glaring. Within minutes ds was. bored, complaining and.not happy when iI stopped interacting with him.

Aibu to think I should be allowed to talk quietly on a bus, even if it's inane conversation? I didn't want to have an argument in front of ds, I felt so uncomfortable by all the glaring though :-( I got off after twenty minutes (our stop) after I got off another passenger said she noticed him glaring at me too, she was really angry about it.

OP posts:
Cornishpasty2 · 01/10/2013 23:00

What a bloody rude man! Feel sorry for his poor wife, bet he leads her a dogs life!

zatyaballerina · 01/10/2013 23:00

yanbu, he was an arse.

BrokenSunglasses · 01/10/2013 23:00

Yanbu.

I can understand him turning around to see what was going on when he felt the back of his chair clicking, and I can understand that he may have found it irritating. He was very rude to make his irritation so blatant though.

puntasticusername · 01/10/2013 23:00

YANBU. Who the hell says you can't talk on the bus? What difference does it make if you're talking to an adult or a child? It's a bus, not a bloody Benedictine monastery.

JumpingJackSprat · 01/10/2013 23:03

i would have said "can i help you?" when he kept turning round.

Original poster
picniclady · 01/10/2013 23:04

Thanks, I think he should have got a taxi if he wanted quiet, buses are public, it wasn't his private limo...

OP posts:
Donkeyok · 01/10/2013 23:06

you'll be able to say F the F off next time Smile

MintyChops · 01/10/2013 23:12

He sounds like a cowardly, passive-aggressive curmudgeon. I like Jumping's "can I help you?" suggestion.

LUKYMUM · 01/10/2013 23:21

Uggggh. Some people are just ignorant and rude. Don't mind them. I get embarrassed easily, but I love my friend's approach. She chatters loudly with her kids(not screaming) and she doesn't care or notice others, so long as they all aren't being too loud and disruptive. She won't even whisper. And really why should we whisper with our kids.

Moxiegirl · 01/10/2013 23:23

I would have probably asked him what his problem was! Hate this sort of thing.

paperclipsarebetterthanstaples · 01/10/2013 23:28

Some woman tutted and told me it was a disgrace that i was dragging DS out on the bus at 7.20am and told me to keep him quiet. I just said 'this is public transport, did you get lost looking for first class?'

FatOwl · 01/10/2013 23:42

YANBU

Reminds me of the time when I was a CM, it was the half term holidays, so I took my mindees (four of them- 2x 3, 4 and 6) to the library for Storytime and to choose some new books to take home. We were waiting in the queue to check them out and this woman in front of us kept turning around like that. They were all waiting patiently and chatting about books, libraries and going for a drink and a bun which we were doing next.
She was with her friend and turned to her and said very clearly for all to hear- "I can't stand coming in here in the holidays- it's always full of bloody brats, they shouldn't allow it"
I was so shocked I didn't say anything (plus didn't want to get into an altercation with my mindees there) , but wish I'd had the nerve to say "I suppose you'd rather they were out on street corners breaking windows, would you?"

Donkeyok · 02/10/2013 00:49

Fat owl Shock

AveryJessup · 02/10/2013 01:58

People are such assholes sometimes about toddlers. I always think that children, regardless of their age, are citizens too and have the same rights to share public space as anyone else. As long as you try to manage their behavior you have every right to use transport, go to the library, eat in a cafe etc.

MidniteScribbler · 02/10/2013 02:18

He was an arse, but I do sometimes know how he feels. Someone keeping up a running commentary for their children for ages "yes darling, that's a window. Windows go up and down. What else goes up and down? Lifts. Lifts go up and down. What else? Pogo sticks. Yes, pogo sticks go up and down. Do you have a pogo stick? No, you don't. Maybe Santa will bring you a pogo stick. Little Johnny has a pogo stick doesn't he. He might let you use it. Little Johnny has a dog too. What do dogs say? Dogs say woof. Can you say woof? Lets say woof woof woof........" can really start to get on your nerves after a while. But so can teenagers with doof doof coming through their headphones, or sex in the city clones talking about their love lives or latest shoe purchase, or business men talking about the price of stocks.

lottieandmia · 02/10/2013 02:24

YANBU - he's a twat. A 2 year old is about the most challenging age to keep happy on a train.

SaltaKatten · 02/10/2013 06:37

This is what headphones and music is for. To drown out annoying noises on public transport, since other people do have a right to be a bit noisy. The only thing I really can't stand is people playing music loudly without headphones. Mums and toddlers chatting I can live with.

Whatsthatnoise · 02/10/2013 07:03

My dd insists on singing the wheels on the bus every time we use public transport, she's 4 now so knows all 100 verses. He would have loved her :) luckily she has an indoor voice.

kerala · 02/10/2013 07:03

Just pity him inside his head must be a nasty bitter place if he is sneering at a mother spending time with such a young child. Pathetic.

We had similar on our trip to London dd aged 7 stumbled as she rarely goes on trains. She didn't touch the older man sitting opposite but he tutted and his face was a sneer of disgust he looked at us with such hatred we could all feel it. Scary!

Still most people are nice I was on a bus when girls were younger and after we got off an old man came over to congratulate me on their beautiful behaviour and manners. Made my day!

HarryStottle · 02/10/2013 07:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tee2072 · 02/10/2013 07:36

What a miserable cow. I would have also said 'can I help you?'

TheCrumpetQueen · 02/10/2013 07:42

Do not let people like this intimidate you in the future, carry on and ignore. You were not doing anything wrong.

ThePuffyShirt · 02/10/2013 07:49

I would have done some loud parenting just to annoy him further.

randomAXEofkindness · 02/10/2013 08:13

Are we not supposed to chatter inanely on the bus? I've never had a conversation on a bus that wasn't inane. The bloody misery guts. If I get dirty looks anywhere, I always give my biggest Grin and say 'Hello! Are you alright?' quite loudly. Makes people feel extremely uncomfortable. Still trying to teach dh 'd' method' though. Getting nowhere fast on that one. YANBU op!

ZillionChocolate · 02/10/2013 09:04

He was an arsehole. I agree with the "is there a problem?" / "are you alright?" kind of approach. If he dared to complain, I'd follow it up with a smile and "if you find other people so irritating, perhaps the bus isn't for you".