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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not give kid's party invitation non-repliers a reminder?

25 replies

ShatnersBassoon · 01/10/2013 11:29

Because it will save me money if they don't come?

DS not bothered either way about these children (was more a polite 'you invited me, so I'll invite you' sort of thing), and I'm nothing more than a playground acquaintance to the parents.

I'm quite happy to do a 'Oh, we didn't think you could make it! It's fine, I'm sure we can sort something out...' act if they do just turn up, so I'm not bothered about them arriving unexpectedly. I just don't feel like nudging them.

OP posts:

StickEmUp · 01/10/2013 11:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

ShatnersBassoon · 01/10/2013 11:31

Sorry, didn't mention this is a pay per person venue, not a tea party at home sort of thing. It will be a worthwhile amount of money to save if they don't show.

OP posts:

frogspoon · 01/10/2013 11:34

How many of them are there?

Will you actually be able to sort something out if every single one of them does turn up?

If it won't make a difference at all, and you have enough food, party bags etc then no need to bother really if it doesn't bother you.

Original poster

ShatnersBassoon · 01/10/2013 11:44

Only three haven't replied, so not a make or break number of children.

No problems if they do all turn up; the venue know how many are invited, I just need to let them know when we get there exactly how many are expected. Food is provided by them, and I have made a party bag up for every child that was invited just in case.

OP posts:

SuperiorCat · 01/10/2013 11:47

Non RSVPers give me the rage. YANBU at all

Original poster

ShatnersBassoon · 01/10/2013 11:51

I thought I was NBU, but then had a pang of guilt thinking about the children that will perhaps be missing out because their parents didn't get their act together. Then I remember that I'd rather spend the money on my own children

OP posts:

WhatHo · 01/10/2013 11:53

It's not rude or offensive to send a cheery heads up saying that you're finalising the numbers so could they let you know... thanks so much in advance.

Suzieismyname · 01/10/2013 12:02

Yanbu. Unless there's been some kind of family emergency, it's rude not to reply to an RSVP.

Seeline · 01/10/2013 12:04

YANBU but they WILL turn up

LazyMonkeyButler · 01/10/2013 12:06

YANBU. Most venues should be able to deal with 3 extra meals on the day if need be.

Original poster

ShatnersBassoon · 01/10/2013 12:10

I think they will too, Seeline, so I'm banking on them being there. It's nice for the kids if they can be there, but I will be a bit annoyed with the parents and might have to let that show a teeny tiny bit

OP posts:

DuckToWater · 01/10/2013 12:10

I always chase them to find out either way. Then sometimes you may get a last minute change of one or two but this is manageable.

heidihole · 01/10/2013 12:12

YANBU I hate non repliers!

Daddypigsgusset · 01/10/2013 12:23

YANBU
does the venue keep a list of names at the door Of who is expected? If they show up they can say 'hmmmm... You don't appear to be on the list, did you RSVP? Never mind, im sure we can squeeze you in' Plain rude not sending a quick text to let you know either way.

Original poster

ShatnersBassoon · 01/10/2013 19:52

I think there might be a name list for the door, casting my mind back to a party we attended there.

Anyway, I won't be chasing them for a response. They can either miss out, or turn up and suffer the consequences of my mild disapproval.

OP posts:

morethanpotatoprints · 01/10/2013 19:56

The three who haven't replied might not have received invite, left it in a tray, been put in wrong tray etc. I was always the mum not replying as found last minute. Its not rude, just bad kid management sometimes.

fuckwittery · 01/10/2013 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DuckToWater · 02/10/2013 11:55

Exactly, so easy for invitations to get mislaid.

SJaneS · 02/10/2013 12:03

YANBU. The others have a point though. My daughter last year deliberately lost two invites (for a 'stupid Star Wars party' and another for a kid she didn't like. We had words!).

Maggietess · 02/10/2013 12:13

Yanbu... I hate non rsvp. I don't get it. When I grumbled about a few non responders to my SILs last year though they looked all and said we'll the norm these days is only rsvp if you can't come?!?!?! Huh?

Saying that that's what I'm planning to write on the invitation this year to see if it works better ie "please text me on xxx if you are unable to come otherwise we look forward to seeing you"... They swear it works much better. I'm still skeptical!

Anyhow, don't bother chasing, most of them are just rude and won't turn up anyway, great, savings!!

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 02/10/2013 13:51

Maggietess most parents at DDs school do this. RSPV regrets only. People seem to be a lot better at declining part invitations rather than accepting them. It works very well. Though I have to say first time, I was worried about numbers - but sure enough, all those who didn't reply turned up...

Original poster

ShatnersBassoon · 02/10/2013 15:13

I know the invitations got to the parents because I handed them to them. They all know who I am too (small school), so no confusion over whose party it is.

Thanks for your thoughts everyone.

OP posts:

Original poster

ShatnersBassoon · 02/10/2013 15:15

I've never heard of the 'no news is good news' RSVP system!

OP posts:

Awomansworth · 02/10/2013 15:27

I sent another reminder to 5 no RSVP's... just asking them to let me know either way as it was a double class party so just wanted to know for food as we were doing food boxes. Out of the 5, 3 never replied to that either and all turned up on the day1

That's not the best of it though... all 3 then asked if they could leave their children and bugger off. I said no as there wasn't anyone to keep an eye on them (reception age) and I didn't have time since I had a party to host and extra food boxes to prepare since they couldn't be arsed to send a simple text.

FlapJackOLantern · 02/10/2013 15:38

The three who haven't replied might not have received invite, left it in a tray, been put in wrong tray etc..........in which case they won't be turning up at all, will they

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