Aibu to feel I can't cope sometimes?

[lem31]

Sorry to rant but feeling like a crap human being today.
Had baby 4 months ago. He is wonderful but suffers with reflux so its been 4 months of hospital visits, gp visits, and trying o get people to listen to me. Now he is on drugs I need to give him 12 syringes a day which he hates. Feeding him is a nightmare and also tends to result in him screaming. I'm paranoid he is losing weight or is going to be dehydrated when 9 hours go by and he refuses to feed. Most people piss me off saying that maybe he has wind or that he obviously isn't hungry so don't worry, but 9 hours is a long time for a baby not to drink! It looks like now he has a milk allergy which is making me dread weaning. He hates the car and constantly screams when we go out, and often in the pushchair too. The rest if the time he is a happy baby and other people think he is always like that so wonder why I'm frazzled.
He wakes all through the night so I'm exhausted, but when oh helps me with a night shift lo sleeps brilliantly so he doesn't understand. Also makes me wonder what I'm doing wrong that he only wakes constantly with me?!
OH was no help at all for the first 10 weeks but is now trying, but I think he wants more credit and I can't give it to him. He wont do babys meds and worries about being alone with him in the evening making it hard for me to go out snd have a break. He works really long hours so I do everything for lo 5 days and most of everything at the weekends. He thinks we need to have some time for 'us' but I can't leave lo with anyone while he won't sleep. To be honest I also can't be arsed to try and work on our relationship at the moment. I'm too tired. He can't do anything right, I have a go at him daily, but he can be a right slob and things that didnt bother me before bug the hell out if me now. He doesn't clean the bath after using it? That means I need to do it before babys bath while he screams blue murder. He doesn't get how small things make my life so much harder. I've tried talking o him but he doesn't understand and thinks I'm being a nag.
I just feel like I'm not really coping and not really doing a good job with anything. I feel like an ungrateful cow as I have so much to be thankful for, with a husband who works hard and is trying to help me, a beautiful baby, but I'm having a self indulgent moment I guess. Thanks for letting me vent!

Oh you poor thing, that sounds really tough.

I've not got much advice I'm afraid ... But have you considered a cranial osteopath for him?

I was going to say cranial osteopath as well.

having a 'well' baby is bloody hard work so a poorly one is exceptionally difficult. 4 months is nothing and of course you are tired.

it WILL get better and

I've considered it but I'm a bit skeptical as I've spent a fortune on so many things that are meant to help but nothing has. Does it actually work?? X

My baby has just been diagnosed with a milk allergy,she is on a new formula milk now and after 2 weeks she is now a happy,easy baby...it has been 6 weeks of hell really,non stop Dr appointments and screaming baby most of the day but its so much better!
I also have a 7yr old and remember that this exhausted stage does pass and all these arguments with your other half may not seem much of a problem once your baby is feeling better?

cranial worked for a friends baby but obviously you don't want to be spending money on that basis.

have you got a supportive HV? have you posted on the feeding section here on mumsnet. bet there's good advice/ support there? x

What is thus cranial osteopathy everyone keeps recommending?

It's something to do with birth trauma in the head.
www.cranial.org.uk/page3.html

I've heard it recommended for reflux before, but I'm not sure on what the connection is.

Thanks for the support guys. Just feeling a bit overwhelmed today.

Just had brother in law drop by and tell me how every baby has their little problems so not to worry. Am I being unreasonable to want to kick him in the balls? I smiled and was polite.
And on the other end of the spectrum oh was falling apart at the prospect of a milk allergy. Apparently cutting it out of his diet will lead to malnutrition and stunted growth, and we have just been sooooo unlucky with all this, why us?!
Am I being unreasonable to also want to kick him in the balls for being so melodramatic and unhelpful when he doesn't feed him, give him his meds or suffer sleepless nights?! Plus, I know I've been whining but I'm more than aware there are a million worse things he could have and I thank god it's nothing more serious.
Hmmm...

My second son had lactose intolerance and cows milk protein allergy. He was as a result a very, very difficult baby! He was switched onto a Lactose and Cows milk protein free formula (cow and gate Pepti). He was like a different child. He was super easy to wean so don't assume that it will be a nightmare. He is now six, and has out grown his allergies. He still only has a little dairy as he will not eat them. He is certainly not stunted in growth and although he is a skinny boy, he is certainly not suffering with malnutrition. I promise you it does all end and your little one will remember none of it.

No, both of them deserve a kick in them. Btw, my dd went to nursery at 3 months for 2 days a week (feel free to hand me my crap parenting award but i couldnt cope without a break) and she refused ebm there and would hold out at 8-9 hours both days until she could bf again. I'm glad they found the problem and fingers crossed it makes a big difference for you. You do sound like you need a break though, do you have any parents or ils that could take him for a while? Ps dh and I had dreadful rows when sleep deprived, he should keep doing some nights, if the baby's good for him get him to do more!

Thanks. Good to know there s light t the end of this.
Just to clarify, it isn't my opinion he will be malnourished and have stunted growth etc, just my very unhelpful husband being overly dramatic.
Gonna stick with the neocate and hope I see a difference really soon. I just can't stand seeing him in pain and not feeding :(
I also think we are so very lucky that he is such a little darling and that being so over dramatic about 'why us' is just too self indulgent and he should be more grateful that despite his problems he is such a little doll, and thank god it's nothing more serious.

Oh you poor thing - I feel or you. My DD had the worst (silent) reflux the doc had seen. It took ages to get diagnosed and the answer was omeprazole (aka losec ) which cured her pretty much overnight.

My advice: don't mess about. Go directly to a private paediatric gastro specialist. Ask for drugs that actually work. Work out if its milk allergy or not. Spend money now to sort it - as you need help as much if not more than your baby.

I nearly lost my mind with my baby's horrific reflux - esp at the beginning when the docs thought I was just a neurotic mum.

Reflux is horrendous and this cannot be overestimated. But it will be ok in the end, I promise.

Good luck x

Ps cranial osteopathy did nothing for me

Aside from the severity of the reflux this could have been written by me!

Personally I think you're doing grand. The amount of helpful bits of advice I've been given such as teething, wind and overheating is immeasurable and irritating. Exhaustion has made me manic and unreasonable and I snap at oh at the drop of a hat!

You're not alone!

You poor thing. I can completely sympathize. My lo is 12 weeks and has had awful silent reflux. A combination of ranitidine, gaviscon and a cranial osteopath have turned him into a different baby. I can't say 100% it was the osteopath that made the difference but after the 3rd session last Monday he slept from 7pm to 7am (prior to this up at the very leAst twice a night), no more screaming when feeding and smiles rather than screams most of the day. I know it's only been a week but the difference has been nothing short of a miracle. Oh and we also switched his bottles from Tommee tippee to dr brown which seem to be more comfortable for him. 2 weeks ago I was struggling to get him to drink 1oz at a feed, today he has drained 5 x 5oz bottles.

Before the change I was literally at breaking point and would genuinely have tried anything. I do think osteopathy is worth a try. I've heard many good things about it aside from my own experience.

Good luck and I really hope things turn a corner for you soon, it's horrendous :-(

Hi, just to say my baby was a skinny little thing with all sorts of tummy probs but once we started him on the Nutramigen AA (similar to Neocate for CMPI) he thrived, going from way under 0.4 centile to 9th.

We did BLW and he is now on 50th centile, absolutely loves his food and at 11mo we are starting to reintroduce dairy in cooked form which seems to be a success.

So although a bit of a pain having the special formula and avoiding dairy & soy, well worth it to see him blossom and no stunted growth here!

It WILL get better....

I had to deal with DS's dad leaving at 6 months (not his own fault), breastfeeding for a year.... etc....

Between then and now - it all works out.

DS is 22 now and at uni....