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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put this complaint in writing and cc headmistress in as well?

65 replies

Sparklysilversequins · 30/09/2013 15:58

Dd is in year 2. She also has ASD. There's been a few niggles and last week she told me a particular boy in the year below had punched her in the neck. Today she has come out barely holding it together and tells me that the same boys group of friends (all boys) dragged her over to this boy, where he was waiting and spat a mouthful of water into her face, then smacked her in the side of the head and ear.

She didn't manage to hold it together after she told me and melted down in the playground in front of all the other parents and teachers.

So I am not letting this go its not just play ground high spirits. She had this water out of his mouth all over her face and clothes and was devastated. She has sensory issues so the clothes thing is a big deal to her.

Quite frankly I am foaming right now so I will wait till later before firing off intemperate emails. Can't really get her teacher on one side for a chat as handover is always so busy.

How would you handle this?

OP posts:
CaptainSweatPants · 30/09/2013 16:45

At lunchtime is it only dinner ladies supervising?
Does she have a teaching assistant assigned to her?

BetsyBidwell · 30/09/2013 16:45

er
headteacher

no one says headmistress any more

Original poster
Sparklysilversequins · 30/09/2013 17:19

Thanks Betsy caught up as was in both my children with ASD's meltdowns and the aftermath, I am afraid I made a small error. Many thanks for pointing that out and I apologise to you and anyone else I may have offended with my error in terminology.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sparklysilversequins · 30/09/2013 17:23

I tried to call after calming dc down about half an hour ago but they've obviously already finished for the day, so left a message.

OP posts:
bearleftmonkeyright · 30/09/2013 17:24

Betsy, do people still say dinner ladies? You missed a job title that is not gender neutral.

Original poster
Sparklysilversequins · 30/09/2013 17:26

No TA assigned as she generally functions very well, academically anyway. That's one of the things I have issues with tbh. Her diagnosis has pretty much been ignored. I haven't even met with the SENCO yet despite a couple of requests.

OP posts:
hippo123 · 30/09/2013 17:28

Go in a bit early tomorrow and tell the teacher you need a quick chat with her after school that day. Go though the teacher first and if there's still a problem involve the head.

BetsyBidwell · 30/09/2013 17:30

i dont bother myself with dinner folk

Almostfifty · 30/09/2013 17:43

Go straight to the Head. Not the class teacher, as it involves a child in a different class.

It was pre-meditated, it needs sorting now.

Renniehorta · 30/09/2013 17:50

Firstly I would write everything down relating to this incident and the previous one. Include as far as possible the date, the time, the place and those involved. Does the school have cctv? The last one that I worked in had most areas covered and incidents could be replayed.

Then I would see if I could access bullying and sen policies from the school website. Print them off and highlight relevant sections.

If it was at all possible I would phone school in the morning and tell them that you want an appointment asap because you don't consider that she is being safeguarded during break times. This should get them moving quickly. They will decide who should be dealing with it.

From what you have said it is the playground supervisors. fault. The incidents were not seen, are they patrolling obscured areas? Back to cctv. They are not passing information about serious incidents to the CT. She can hardly be blamed if she does not know.

stealthsquiggle · 30/09/2013 17:51

Go to the head in the morning, with Wilson's scripts.

IMHO if the class teacher had been told and had any understanding at all of how serious this was and the impact on your DD, he/she would have asked to see you right then to tell you what happened before DD did. They didn't, so either they were not told or they didn't take it seriously.

Renniehorta · 30/09/2013 17:56

Is it possible to keep your dd off school until the meeting. That is also a good lever to get them moving and to take the matter seriously. Not of course that it should be necessary.

FryOneFatManic · 30/09/2013 17:57

This involved a class in a different class, so both class teachers will need to know. So yes, the head might be a good place to start.

And as for the other issue of meeting your DD's needs, keep on at them for a meeting with the SENCO, if they keep fobbing you off, raise it to the chair of governors.

WilsonFrickett · 30/09/2013 18:03

Oh god yeah - I think this incident shows how vulnerable DD really is - I've not been able to secure a meeting with the SENCO yet, but I'm sure you'll agree that has to be the next thing on my priority list.

God I'm so PA Blush

Original poster
Sparklysilversequins · 30/09/2013 18:51

Would you keep her off wilson?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 30/09/2013 19:06

I disagree hippo123

It needs to go to the HT.

Original poster
Sparklysilversequins · 30/09/2013 19:26

I am going through the Head. I've been thinking about this and it has become clear to me that dd cannot advocate for herself at school. There have been a number of incidents now eg a child was taking the nice parts of dd's lunch, cake and half a sandwich etc. this went on for weeks before dd thought to tell me and even then she didn't realise. She thought the other girl had started having the same cake as her and I had stopped giving that cake to dd Sad. Other stuff as well that I won't go into here but one involved her becoming very anxious about a casually expressed rule to the point where she literally couldn't eat a bite of her lunch.

Can I ask for support with this for dd? Academically and behaviourally she has no issues and this is why she is being left to flounder elsewhere. She simply doesn't draw attention to herself no matter how awful she's feeling.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 30/09/2013 20:07

You absolutely can! Get the SenCo involved and get started on Ed Psych assessment (won't happen overnight).

Just because she's okay academically and doesn't cause any problems in the class it doesn't mean that she doesn't need some support/plans put in place.

Trigglesx · 30/09/2013 20:13

Definitely tell the SENCO that it seems she needs support during these times. I would also point out very clearly that this group of boys dragged her over to the boy - so it's not just one child but a group of children - they ALL should be spoken to.

WilsonFrickett · 30/09/2013 20:28

It's completely up to you whether you keep her off or not. My DS has definite potential to be a school refuser so I don't tend to keep him off - I don't want him to even think that's an option iyswim. However his issues don't include bullying to this level.

And yes, you can absolutely have her support tailored in to the playground/lunch/social issues part of the day rather than the classroom if she's doing OK in class. But I guess you'll have to make more fuss if that's what DD needs, because the CT won't be 'seeing' those issues.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 30/09/2013 20:42

Go and see the head teacher.

I never speak to the class teacher with regards to DS ASD on the change over because the other parents are very nosy and I don't want want them knowing my sons medical history. The head teacher or his teacher will book an appointment.

Original poster
Sparklysilversequins · 30/09/2013 20:45

Ok, this is what I am going to do. I am very good at writing letters, reports etc so I am going to write a letter tonight putting all my concerns in writing and hand it in at the office tomorrow, asking for an appointment at the same time. I will also tell her CT what happened in the approx five seconds I get to speak with her.

What do you think?

OP posts:
Mumsyblouse · 30/09/2013 20:54

What I did when my dd was bullied one day was go in 20 minutes early and explained I needed to see the class teacher before school about an urgent matter. We then had a very productive meeting and lots of action was taken (boy was on report anyway even in Y1!) This relied on a really proactive class teacher, but it's a starting point and I always think a personal dialogue is more effective as a starting point than a formal letter.

mummytime · 30/09/2013 20:54

I would also contact both your local parent partnership and the NAS for advice and support.

I'm afraid you are going to have to fight for your children. School is there to support children emotionally and socially as well as educationally (this is set down by law).

Finola1step · 30/09/2013 21:05

Hi Sequins. I'm really sorry to hear that your daughter is having such a horrid time. I'm an Assistant Head in a primary school and we have a number of children on the ASD spectrum in our mainstream classes. I must say that it sounds like the school communication is simply not up to scratch.

Firstly, the mid day meals supervisors should be reporting such incidents to the class teachers. It should have been a staff member who spoke to you today, not your daughter telling you what happened. The SENCo should have been in touch with you in response to your requests let alone the fact that your daughter has a diagnosis. So the whole communication chain sounds pretty poor to me.

Therefore, you are right to raise this issue in writing. Keep a copy of all letters you send in. Email works well because there is a clear communication trail (or no trail as could be the case!). Go straight to the Head on this one because there are a range of connected issues here that are beyond the control of the class teacher.

You are absolutely right to complain. You are absolutely right to be your daughter's advocate. What the boys did to her was very wrong and should not be tolerated.

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