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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

More wedding drama

18 replies

PrincessTeacake · 29/09/2013 22:12

I'm not sure if this really deserves its own thread, but I need to vent if you don't mind.

I already had a thread up regarding my brother's wedding/handmade dress/parental disapproval of said dress. The dress is now a moot point, I'm going with the one that was picked for me and hoping a friend gets married soon so I can wear the one I made instead.

Here's the latest issue. I'm currently working as a nanny for two families, one I've been with for a few years and one I just started with recently. The new family have given me the day off for my brother's wedding, which is down in the back end of the country. I'm planning to get the train down straight after work the day before the wedding, and I'll have to take a bus afterwards and then get a lift to the venue. (I can't drive.)

My family have been putting a lot of pressure on me to try and get the day before the wedding off as well, but it's very short notice and my boss needs me to look after her baby. They're angry because I'll be missing the rehearsal (already mentioned it to sister-in-law and she didn't seem to mind) and it's of great inconvenience to have me picked up from the bus stop that night. I've been trying to find an alternate route that'll leave me closer to the venue but it's a no-go, getting a taxi will cost me a solid fortune but it might be my only option.

On top of this, I just found out my boyfriend is planning his birthday party on the exact same day. I couldn't get him in as my +1 but I wanted him to come along to the afters for a drink, now he's invited all of our friends to his and I'm a little down because all things considered, I'd rather be there than where I will be.

All the stress is causing my fibromyalgia to act up, I feel sick and tired and don't want to do anything but pull the covers over my head until this all blows over.

OP posts:

CocacolaMum · 29/09/2013 22:17

what do you want to do?

ConfusedPixie · 29/09/2013 22:20

Your other half is being a prat RE organising his birthday for that day, hardly fair :( I feel for you, I read your thread about the dress too and felt your fmaily were being cocks, sorry you feel you have to go along that route :( You can come to my wedding and wear your dress if you like, handmade will be order of the day there ;) Not till 2015 though!

People don't get nannying do they? I'm one too and have had comments from my family about taking time off to visit and whatnot, you just can't. It's not a normal job. If I stay in my current jobs I'll have one day off for my own wedding with a delayed honeymoon, just couldn't do it otherwise!

Just get it over with and give up on them. I have similar family unfortunately and have now given up after years of worrying about it and trying so hard to suit them :(

ConfusedPixie · 29/09/2013 22:27

Should have added, sympathies with fibro too, I have that too and stress is the last thing you need (which is why I've dropped my family, they believe nothing is wrong with me) :(

mumofweeboys · 29/09/2013 22:33

Can't believe your own family wouldn't let you bring your boyfriend, that's a bit off. Could your boyfriend be a bit annoyed that he wasn't invited so organised a bit of a gathering to make himself feel better?

Big hugs. Tell your family that you need picking up from bus stop otherwise you won't be able to come. Leaves it in their hands.

zippey · 29/09/2013 22:35

Sorry I don't understand why BF is being a prat for organising his birthday on that day. I assume its his birthday, and that he wasn't going to the wedding anyway. I don't see anything wrong with him having a good time while you are away, having a merry time at the wedding.

Anyway, apart from that I don't really have anything to add, I hope everything goes well.

ConfusedPixie · 29/09/2013 22:51

sorry, typo, his party. If I was having a party I'd want my DP to be there, it's one thing having a few mates over and having a nice night or whatever as she won't be there but to have his birthday party without his girlfriend there is being mean, especially knowing the stress and crap she's putting up with. Surely he'd want her there and it'll be nice for her to have his birthday party to look forward too as well?

I may be biased though as my ex did the same thing, organised his birthday party on the same night I had a family thing happening. I was quite upset by it as it showed a lack of thought.

IAmNotAMindReader · 29/09/2013 23:45

Right so your dress wasn't right, your boyfriend wasn't right and now your employers aren't right. There's no winning OP just do whatever is going to cause the least hassle with your employers etc. as there's going to be a scene caused over something you do or don't do no matter what where your family's concerned.

Original poster

PrincessTeacake · 30/09/2013 12:55

In fairness to my boyfriend, I think it was a case of pure absent mindedness because he invited me to said party.

OP posts:

firesidechat · 30/09/2013 13:06

Are you a bridesmaid or do you have a role at the wedding?

If not you family are once more being hugely unreasonable. The only people who usually go to a rehearsal are registrar/vicar, bride, groom, best man, bridesmaids, ushers and parents of bride and groom (father of the bride needs to know what to do and other parents might want to know where to plonk themselves during the ceremony).

Random people at a rehearsal are unnecessary and just get in the way. So YANBU.

Have you been with your bf long? If you have it would have been nice of them to offer an invite, but that's another thread I guess.

Original poster

PrincessTeacake · 30/09/2013 17:55

I'm not a bridesmaid, the issue is that my family will already be there and most of them will be having a drink together in the bar, and someone having to leave the bar to pick me up will be too much to ask. I'm getting some info now from people who live in the area that should get me closer to the region itself and then I can taxi it the last leg of the journey, but they can't understand that I can't take a half day at the drop of a hat. My boss is a doctor, she has appointments to keep.

OP posts:

ITCouldBeWorse · 30/09/2013 18:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

PrincessTeacake · 30/09/2013 19:51

I just discovered that my mother is writing my Dad's speech, sent it to him via email. They're separated. Am I right in thinking this is very control-freaky? It just occurred to me that my Dad could be making a big deal about the travel arrangements because he's getting pressure from her, he's not normally like this.

OP posts:

Nojustalurker · 30/09/2013 20:19

I read your first post but did not reply. If I was you I would tell a series of white lies - I know some people would shot me down for this. I would tell you mum you will wear the dress of her choice but on the day say you split some thing down it and could not wear it. Tell your family you have tried and will keep trying to get the day off but if you don't have to if you don't want to. As for your boyfriend, I would plan a special night just the two of you after the wedding to celebrate his birthday.

ConfusedPixie · 30/09/2013 21:35

Fair enough RE boyfriend's party. Nojustalurker has the right idea.

Your family sound awful.

RandomMess · 30/09/2013 21:38

I'd be tempted to cancel going to the wedding altogether, far too much drama and a seriously lack of enjoyment!

CaptainSweatPants · 30/09/2013 21:43

I agree with randomness

Get the flu :-)

Pigsmummy · 30/09/2013 21:46

Your family seem to have a major fear that you are going to f**k up somehow, unless you have form for being unreliable then tell them to have some faith. Can you sort your logistics so that you don't need to be picked up?

RandomMess · 30/09/2013 22:14

How about Norovirus, you would be too ill to travel and highly contagious. Let them know and then turn off the phone for a few days of silent bliss.

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