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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

or is the nursery?

40 replies

GeraldineAubergine · 29/09/2013 18:07

Ds is 3.8. On fri when dp collected him he was crying. Nursery worker said as he had to be 'spoken to'a lot on friday they didnt let him have a piece of birthday cake. Only him. When he was offered a cracker he refused and was put in time out. His shoes were on the wrong feet and he had pooey pants. Hes been going there a year and mostly is fine any times nursery tell us his behaviour has been poor we back them up but I think this was too harsh. He didnt understand why he wasnt allowed cake. Should I say something? I really felt awful for him he was so sad. Dp kept quiet as he has a short temper and its my work nursery.

OP posts:

Original poster

GeraldineAubergine · 29/09/2013 19:04

Ty all for the advice btw. Helps to get different perspectives.

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grumpalumpgrumped · 29/09/2013 19:38

Absolutely they should not have denied him cake as punishment. In my setting this would be a huge no no.....unless it was a logical consequence, for example he refused to stop hitting his friend at the table and was warned he would have to get down if he continues, in this case a piece of cake would have been sent home with him. Not saying this is what happened but just explaining why we might do something like that.

I would be asking for more info tomorrow

HaroldLloyd · 29/09/2013 19:42

I wouldn't be happy, for one thing I don't like using food as a punishment or reward, they should have punished him suitably at the time.

The shoes and poo are tardy too.

Maggietess · 29/09/2013 20:02

I find it odd that they seem to want to tell you about minor behaviour issues every day?

My two at nursery only really really rarely had any behaviour comment and it was always made in a "dd had a good day today but seemed a little tired after lunch when we were doing storytime as she was a bit cross but we've had a wee chat about it and we're great now" said in front of the parent collecting but with a smile to the dd so she knew it was okay, it was over and sorted.

Anything over and above that the odd time would have my really concerned that either my dc was really problematic or that there was something ott in their management.

CreatureRetorts · 29/09/2013 20:05

Thy don't wipe his bum (or help him), there's one person who goes on about his behaviours, which sounds normal - he's 3, they refused him cake...

My ds is nearly 4, his nursery is very good. Yours doesn't sound so great tbh.

ToffeeCaramel · 29/09/2013 20:08

I agree that food shouldn't be used as a punishment. Especially not everyone else eating something nice while he looks on. I'd be concerned about the one woman always saying he is naughty whem the others don't. It sounds like she finds him irritating.

Original poster

GeraldineAubergine · 29/09/2013 20:18

Well, the nursery generally is good and attached to my work. He went to the sister nursery before this and it was lovely. His key worker wrote his review which was good and will usually say hes had a good day. I find the worker who moans about him a bit odd and I guess not everyone loves all of the kids. Mostly they are kind but just a few things have upset me this week. They also have a patch of soil they let the kids play in which I had to say no to as ds has severe eczema and its basically just dirt. I am going to say something tommorow

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Original poster

GeraldineAubergine · 29/09/2013 20:19

I think the common denominator in all the negatives is this one staff member not the nursey as a whole.

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CreatureRetorts · 29/09/2013 20:22

Yes do speak to the manager about this person! She doesn't sound professional at all.

MrsTomHardy · 29/09/2013 20:49

Yes definitely say something to the manager.

I run a preschool and we would never leave a child out of getting some birthday cake....and going into time out for refusing a cracker...weird!!

Nanny0gg · 29/09/2013 21:35

I wouldn't be impressed.

Some children aren't toilet trained at 3, so I certainly don't expect them to be able to wipe efficiently at three!

The cake situation was just mean, and a bit humiliating as he was the only child not given any.

I also agree with Maggietess about a better way to handle behaviour.

I think they sound horrible and it shouldn't happen just because his keyworker wasn't there.

This is why (sweeping generalisation) that I hate nurseries.

Nanny0gg · 29/09/2013 21:37

And even if you don't like one or some of the children, you never ever let it show!

If you do, you're in the wrong job!

youarewinning · 29/09/2013 21:45

I also agree food should not be used as a punishment.

I also think a 3yo would 'play up' or act out because they had dirty underwear - it seems there may be a route to his behaviour that day.

Plus he's 3, they're hardly known for their patience or tact

TiggyD · 29/09/2013 22:45

Ofsted say that 'food should not be used as a reward or a punishment.' It is a very naughty nursery.

LimitedEditionLady · 30/09/2013 09:32

No id be upset too.Thats cruel IMO to give everyone cake except him,thatd only make a child behave worse to me.Id exoect them to notice my child wearing shoes on wrong feet if they were having to discipline him a lot.Time out for not eating a cracker?sounds like they lost control to me.No wouldnt have that,id feel like they had labelled him naughty for the day.

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