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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have a secret clear out?

26 replies

fackinell · 29/09/2013 12:38

I live in a house that looks like something the 1980s spewed up. DP is bordering on having a documentary made about him, for his emotional attachment to useless shit.

With the approval of DSD 16 (we see her only twice a week usually) I am slowly bringing a modern twist to the house by decorating room by room. I'm paying for half of all decor costs.

I'm now 6 wks PG and though its early days, I am desperate to up the the ante on the declutter room by room as i decorate. DSD does not wish to keep her Bratz storage box or her Tellytubbies (SP?) single duvet set so its not that I'm being underhand with her things. We have old tellies, random bits of wood (that may be useful), broken swing sets, clothes that DP no longer fit into even 10 years ago. I am getting rid of a lot of my stuff too btw but have nowhere near the amount he has.

I am unable to open a cupboard without shit falling on me. Last week an iron!! We have duvets and pillows that are decades old, I replace ours annually. I've tried clearing out with him and its a nightmare. WIBU to chuck out a couple of non-memorabilia things a week until its done?

OP posts:

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 29/09/2013 12:44

I'd chuck out more than a couple!

I'd never chuck out anything personal, but anything of DSD's that she is happy to have gone, would go. Old duvets/pillows straight down to the charity shop. Random bits of wood, old TV's etc gone gone gone.

His clothes - not so much... they seem too personal.

How did you end up moving in with someone so very different to yourself and having a child before you sorted this out. Sounds like my idea of hell!

greenbananas · 29/09/2013 12:44

Oh I do sympathise! With dh, I sometimes how stuff and if he hasn't noticed after six months I chuck it or send it to a charity shop. I have never been caught out yet.

Could you put some things into storage while you decorate, and then only bring back the stuff that is actually useful?

I do wish you luck, and congratulations on your pregnancy.

greenbananas · 29/09/2013 12:45

Hide stuff. I meant hide, not how. Damn auto correct

WhoNickedMyName · 29/09/2013 12:46

YANBU.

Start with the cupboards. If they're rammed then the stuff at the back obviously hasn't been used for a long time. Chuck it.

Original poster

fackinell · 29/09/2013 13:05

Thank you for the congrats

Chipping, he is wonderful in every other way and we have been together for two years. It would be rather U for me to demand he clears out everything the second I rock up

I've started with the plastics cupboard for today but a few things have meandered back in. I managed to get rid of a box of mouldy bath toys (still in the bathroom) last year that had been DSD's I asked DP if he felt she may play with them again and shamed him into them going in the bin.

OP posts:

Original poster

fackinell · 29/09/2013 13:37

Forgot to say, Green, we have a big garage and attic do no excuse to use storage, unfortunately.

OP posts:

Jan49 · 29/09/2013 13:50

Is he really going to notice the stuff is gone? You can always say you don't know where something is, which is true whether it's because it's in amongst a pile of junk in a cupboard or has been got rid of in a pile of stuff. I've decluttered lots and can no longer recall every item or what happened to it. Maybe box up the stuff you feel you ought not to be getting rid of so he still has it but it's tidier.

StitchingMoss · 29/09/2013 13:52

I'm always having secret clear outs - v cathartic!

starfishmummy · 29/09/2013 14:03

Perhaps you could tell a white lie and say there has been an infestation of moths or mice or something so that stuff has been damaged and contaminated and needed to be get rid of

starfishmummy · 29/09/2013 14:06

Perhaps you could tell a white lie and say there has been an infestation of moths or mice or something so that stuff has been damaged and contaminated and needed to be get rid of

starfishmummy · 29/09/2013 14:08

Perhaps you could tell a white lie and say there has been an infestation of moths or mice or something so that stuff has been damaged and contaminated and needed to be get rid of

starfishmummy · 29/09/2013 14:09

Oops

LindaMcCartneySausage · 29/09/2013 14:10

Don't draw attention to it by saying anything. Just get rid of stuff. Nothing very sentimental though. I'm always having secret clear outs. If i ask DH to go through things and declutter, I just end up with the same stuff of his in different cupboards or protests. After 12 years of living with DH he has yet to notice or miss anything that's been sent to the charity shop or council dump in one of my secret clear outs.

LindaMcCartneySausage · 29/09/2013 14:11

Oh, and I love getting rid of stuff. Very mentally cleansing. I'm a minimalist see. ;-)

Imnotaslimjim · 29/09/2013 14:18

yanbu at all! my DH is a hoarder too, I'm always slipping studded into the bin and new yet to notice

GemmaTeller · 29/09/2013 14:21

Yes to secret decluttering, I do it all the time

redcaryellowcar · 29/09/2013 14:21

I am bad at throwing things out, but no where near as bad as your dp! I am frustrated as my dh says I have too much clutter but the. Refuses to throw anything away himself. I would crack on with a sort out now as pregnancy sickness may strike soon and then you wont feel like rummaging in musty cupboards at all.
I think I would take the bath toys approach, things which are actually dirty should go, that includes old duvets and pillows, which after a while are rife with dustmites. You could sell to your dp as a pre baby clear out as little babies are more prone to eczema and asthma if house idea dusty.

nextphase · 29/09/2013 14:33

DH gets about a weeks notice I'm about to blitz a room, and to sort out anything that he wants to keep.
Then everything comes out, I put back in what I want to keep, and things I know he uses. Second pile for stuff I think he'll want, and third pile for out. He has to make a pretty good argument for bin stuff to stay, but he gets to glance over before it goes.
There is NO WAY this house is turning into his parents clutter central.

Original poster

fackinell · 29/09/2013 14:40

Some great ideas! Luckily I work from home and DP doesn't. I will feel very guilty about the things of DSD's he wants to keep. ExW left with her when she was 8. I think that's where the attachment to her childhood things comes from. I don't see the point in having her plastic cup and bowl present in the kitchen cupboards though; I think we can trust her with glass now
I will put things like that in her Bratz storage for the attic but I'm not negotiating on the ancient bedding. We don't even have single beds now!!

Starfish, is that three mice infestations? Best chuck it all then!

OP posts:

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful · 29/09/2013 15:05

Congrats op. My dh is a serious hoarder, thankfully he is never really sure what stuff he has as he is seriously disorganised. I do chuck things away when I can but it is an ongoing battle to keep the hoard in his attic room under control.

Top tips are

Bin stuff gradually so he is less likely to notice
invite people over, if he hates people seeing all the mess it might spur him into getting rid of stuff
blame your pregnancy so you can have a massive clear out - say your hormones are going wild and your nesting instinct has gone into overdrive, obviously this doesn't have to actually be true. (The nesting one has been the best one for me).

Best of luck

Original poster

fackinell · 29/09/2013 15:20

I think my nesting has kicked in early but i also know it'll take the 7&1/2 mths to get the house up to scratch. Our bedroom has been awaiting wardrobe doors for a year now before we can move back in. Baby's room (our temp one ATM) has all the crap in the cupboards that I want gone. I'd like to give it a good clean too as the cupboards have been untouched for years. I shall borrow DM's car this week and get cracking while he's at work.

Poor DSD was sleeping on a mattress that stank after 3 different kids sleeping in it over the years. He wanted to keep it and I was
He always changes her bedding so I never knew. It was minging! I skipped it.

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PatchworkPerson · 29/09/2013 15:31

I lived in a ridiculous amount of clutter for years. Eventually I bought 3 sheds! Yes 3! For the garden. I gradually moved stuff out of the house into the sheds. Last year (a decade on) I turned it into a joke and told OH he could keep anything that he could list without actually looking in the sheds. We now have 2 and a half empty sheds

Original poster

fackinell · 29/09/2013 15:42

That's brilliant, Patchwork
I haven't even ventured into our shed yet, we do have 5 ex Christmas trees in the back garden though...

OP posts:

Weeantwee · 29/09/2013 15:52

I always have secret clear outs and DH never notices. As long as it's nothing personal, old photos etc and you never see him using/wearing it, then go ahead.

Im always throwing out holey socks. He still manages to have a full sock drawer though!

starfishmummy · 29/09/2013 16:07

Fackin they say there is never just one mouse

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