I want information, not fucking counselling.

[SolidGoldBrass]

And apparently it's a legal requirement that I have counselling before I get the information? WTF? I am a grown up and I do not want to have to sit in front of some tissue-wielding muppet for hours who might refuse to give me the information anyway.

Yes it's late at night and I am feeling grumpy and thwarted, because I decided I would go and have a look for the info and the internet won't give it to me.

It's adoption record tracing. Anyone know any back-doors or dubious sites that will just hand over the info?

I think you might actually find it useful to have someone to talk you through the files. Having been through the adoption process from the other side (as an adoptive parent) I found that social worker code sometimes diverges from plain English. There may be things written on your file that appear to be 'facts' but are actually either opinions of the social worker who wrote it or a euphemism for some else.

I hope it goes well for you.

So, do you only have to have the counselling if you we're adopted before 1975? Or have I got the wrong end of the stick?

I was under the impression you wrote to the adoption agency & they passed the letter on. I'm not sure I'd want someone just giving out my details either!

I meant to add, I thought a copy of my file would be just sent to me too, so was quite surprised to discover that I had to have a counselling session beforehand.

I'm no expert on adoption laws, Kate. But I guess that any birth parent whose child was adopted before 1975 would have been told they would have total anonymity - but after 1975 (when, presumably, the law changed) birth parents would be told that their information would be passed on to the adoptive parents?

Sorry, I've expressed myself badly. I guess any birth parent of a pre-1975 adoptee would have thought they'd have anonymity - but that changed when the law changed in 1975. Hence to need for counselling, amongst other things to explain the ramifications.

yabu. You have the wrong idea.

I did this, SGB (also pre 1975) - the woman basically wanted to check I wasn't drifting into the office going "my mother's going to be so pleased to see me; we're going to be a big happy family, just like we should have been, and there will be cake and diamonds for everyone".

I said I would take my chances with her being dead/not interested/unpleasant, and that was that. Box ticked.

They just want to know that you have thought about it. What if someone is the product of rape? Or incest? Some people are very blase about this and don't think about why someone could have made the decision.