Should DSD be allowed to choose?

9 replies

Gossipmonster · 27/09/2013 17:28

If she visits her dad or not - she's 6.

Last 2 weekends we have had them DSD2 has been pretty naughty and been told off accordingly (in an appropriate maner "punishment" fitting "crime" etc). We do not have loads of rules just "normal" ones like no jumping on furniture etc.

OH has a long drive to collect/ drop them off and is away for months on end with work.

This weekend she has chosen not to come (DSD1, 8 is coming) and is instead staying with her mum and been promised a weekend of trips/general spoiling.

OH is incredibally upset about this - Mum is quite possessive over the girls and has expected him to to accept it even though it will mean a whole month without seeing DD2.

AIBU to think DSD2 is kind if being "rewarded" for not coming to see her dad (and possibly choosing not to come because we have rules which ALL our children must follow) and also at 6 (unless there is a massive issue) she should not be given the option/pandered to by her mum?

OP posts:

rainbow26 · 27/09/2013 17:35

I think her mother should be encouraging her daughter to spend time with her dad not as you say 'rewarding' her for not going to see him.By the sounds of it she is using the fact that her daughter doesn't want to come to you to her advantage which is quite selfish in my opinion because I don't think you should use children against the other parent as it's ultimately the children who end up hurt in the end.

NatashaBee · 27/09/2013 17:37

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Gossipmonster · 27/09/2013 17:38

If anything he is much harsher with my kids than with his own (source of constant strife to me!).

OP posts:

OneStepCloser · 27/09/2013 17:57

No its not fair, if its his weekend its his weekend.

Turniptwirl · 27/09/2013 18:07

A child of 6 should not be able to opt out of seeing a parent (obv exception in abuse cases etc).

If she was adamant she wouldn't come then she should be made to have a very boring weekend at mums while her sis is having fun at dads. But this would obv need mums support which you don't have sadly

NicknameIncomplete · 27/09/2013 18:17

I think she should be able to decide if she wants to come or not however I dont think the mum should be treating her. It almost comes across as mum saying 'what a good girl for not going to see your dad' and that is wrong.

crazykat · 27/09/2013 18:17

While I don't think she should be forced to go if she really doesn't want to, she shouldn't be spoiled by her mum either.

DSD was the same when she was told off at ours, usually taking our DD's toys off her or because we didnt constantly take her out (spend cash we don't have). She started not wanting to come to ours. Her mum wasn't very supportive but In the end DH told her if she didn't want to be part of the family day-to-day then when it washer birthday she needn't expect a big day out just a present. It was hard and some don't agree with it but it worked, she realised that we weren't just here to take her places and buy her things, we're a family.

Sindarella · 27/09/2013 18:19

My ds is 6, an if he told me he didn't want to go to his dads, i'd tell him tough. But, if he got upset at the thought of going to his dads i wouldn't force him.
I'd suggest his father came for the day, took ds out somewhere nice and bought him home.

How long has the arrangement been going on? If its new maybe its scary for dsd to be in someone else's house, without her usual things, with other children she's not used to?

Original poster

Gossipmonster · 27/09/2013 19:19

4 years it's been in place

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