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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being totally selfish?

35 replies

CajaDeLaMemoria · 27/09/2013 16:58

We are visiting DP's relatives ATM. We do this every month.

DP and his parents do a hobby. It was a hobby I wanted to do, that they'd never done before. Health-problems made me unable to do it, but they got interested, and started to do it without me. I am a bit resentful of that. I feel left out, and like it's constantly being rubbed in my face that I can't do it, so I may be BU because of that.

We've been here 3 days. I've had to commute into work by train. DP has been off, as have his parents. Today, I took the morning off. We were due to go out somewhere all together, but DP and his parents decided to do that hobby instead. Apart from they didn't actually do it, in the end, and the morning off was wasted. I had to travel to work at lunch, but they went out.

Tomorrow, we were supposed to visit a local attraction for my birthday. My birthday was months ago, but DP had something big going on, and it's closer to here anyway. Apart from now they want to do the hobby instead, and go to the attraction on Sunday, when we were due to go home.

I expressed disappointment that they didn't do the hobby today, when I was busy anyway, and instead my plans were being moved around. I'll now spend hours tomorrow on my own. Is that really selfish?

OP posts:
Brittabot · 27/09/2013 17:02

YANBU. They are postponing your already postponed birthday outing to do something that they could have done today instead? I think I'd say I'd prefer to keep to the original arrangement. Your DH is being selfish here.

Repeatedlydoingthetwist · 27/09/2013 17:02

From what you've said, not at all! It's not your fault they couldn't do it today so they should be sticking with originally plans. How often do they do the hobby and why couldn't they do it today?

WorraLiberty · 27/09/2013 17:03

Why didn't they do the hobby this morning?

littlewhitebag · 27/09/2013 17:03

Gosh that is a bit rubbish. I am assuming it is a hobby which takes a while perhaps involving clubs and a little white ball? What did they say when you said you were disappointed about the plans for tomorrow being changed? DP is being a bit of a selfish arse if you ask me.

CailinDana · 27/09/2013 17:04

No of course not. I used to have a similar issue with PILs and dh - basically they would decide on an activity and the first I'd hear of it would be when everyone would suddenly start putting their coats on. I had a serious word with dh saying that if they were going to act like I didn't exist then I would just go home and leave them to it. He got better although he has needed a stern word about it a couple of times.

Have you tried talking to your dp about it?

MrsWolowitz · 27/09/2013 17:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Snatchoo · 27/09/2013 17:10

YANBU and I would be so upset if my DH did this.

I can't see that he ever would though, how thoughtless.

anon2013 · 27/09/2013 17:14

YANBU at all. Terrible treatment of you. I'd go home on my own or to the day out alone to set an example.

Original poster
CajaDeLaMemoria · 27/09/2013 18:21

Cailin Maybe I need to do that. I don't think he understands how it feels if you are the left out one...he never is.

They do the hobby pretty often. DP's parents did it on Thursday, so its not like its been a while. DP doesn't do it so often, because we live far away now, but for at least a day every weekend we are here.

I'd like to go home. It's a big three-hour drive though, and he'd be stranded here.

I'm glad I'm not being UR, though. I was starting to wonder if I was just stupidly selfish. I'm pretty upset tonight!

OP posts:
wheredidiputit · 27/09/2013 18:40

Well he an adult and get the train like you have to work.

I would stop going every week as well.

It sounds like you are putting more in the relationship then he is at the moment.

YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 27/09/2013 18:41

I can't be the only one who wonders what the hobby is....

pictish · 27/09/2013 18:42

What's the hobby?

CaptainSweatPants · 27/09/2013 18:44

What's with all the cloak & dagger stuff!
Just tell us the hobby ( please Wink )

phantomnamechanger · 27/09/2013 18:45

YANBU, they are all being very inconsiderate, it's as if you aren't there, never mind supposed to be celebrating your birthday.

phantomnamechanger · 27/09/2013 18:46

bellringing? kayaking? ballroom dancing? bungee jumping?

bakingaddict · 27/09/2013 18:48

Is it dogging? (runs away)

LindyHemming · 27/09/2013 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OnTheBottomWithAWomansWeekly · 27/09/2013 18:48

LARPing dressed up as comic book characters?

Playing knick knack on neighbour's doors?

Pretending to be superheros and running round the neighbourhood?

YouTheCat · 27/09/2013 18:49

He expects you to commute to work so he can see his parents once a month?

Tell him to get a bus/train in future. If they aren't making you feel at all welcome then don't visit them.

What is the hobby?

RobotLover68 · 27/09/2013 18:49

geocaching?

AnyFucker · 27/09/2013 18:53

Fgs tell us what the hobby is

BillyBanter · 27/09/2013 18:59

Do you mean that you have an ongoing health problem that prevents you taking part in the hobby or that you were ill when they started the hobby and now can't join?

Either way they are not being very considerate.

MavisGrind · 27/09/2013 19:03

YANBU.

All this talk of "The Hobby" and references such as "They did the hobby on Thursday" is making it sound like it's something rude.

However, I am very shallow and easily moved to hearing implied rudery

DontmindifIdo · 27/09/2013 19:07

Tell him if you aren't having your birthday outing tomorrow you'll go home, he can sort his own way home on Sunday. Explain there will not be enough time to do your outing on Sunday and get home and everything sorted for next week, so is he really cancelling your day out?

Also, I'd not go too for trips to his parents if they will be doing the mystery "hobby" all the time. Again, he's a grown up, I'm sure he could get to/from his parents without you.

ohmymimi · 27/09/2013 19:07

Are they furbies? That could explain your allergy.
Seriously though, they sound totally inconsiderate and selfish. Find a hobby that does not include them.