to ask after friends/family and maybe want a little back?

[wonderingifiam2013]

Ok - self confessed people pleaser here! Whilst I'm working on being able to say 'no' without feeling as guilty as hell or putting mine/my immediate families needs first and not wondering what the consequences are ... I'm beginning to feel that sometimes people are just damn self centred/rude and there is absolutely nothing I can do to change this.

Is it not normal in a friendship/family relationship to ask how the other is, be told, react and then be asked how you are?

I find myself meeting up with people/speaking on the phone, email etc and one of my first questions is how are things? (and may mention a happy/stressful issue that I know is of importance to them - think wedding planning/pregnancy/house move) to be told all about the situation and maybe asked my opinion/advice on it and then that's it! - no how are you doing? or how is xyz ...

Before anyone asks - no, I'm not the type of person to then offload all my problems, be negative etc ... I would just thank them, tell them briefly the good/bad, ask advice if I genuinely want it and move on.

I consider this not only a two-way friendship/conversation, but also showing consideration and acknowledging what's going on in others lives

So am I BU to want a little back?

YANBU.

After not being asked about yourself, do you then go on to tell them what's going on with you? If not, could it be that they assume you're a fairly private person who doesn't share details about her own life?

Possibly Kinky? - although I wouldn't consider myself to be an overly private person

Maybe they're just wrapped up in the big things going on in their own lives as we do then go on to converse about other things

Guess I may have a bee in my bonnet about it as I've noticed it quite a few times recently

Are you the one usually making contact?
Do you keep asking questions about them to keep the conversation going? And don't really mention stuff that's going on with you?

Apart from a general 'how are you?', don't ask about anything specific and see how the conversation pans out.

I had a few friends like this, that just never asked back or would change the conversation back to themselves as soon as possible.

For a short whilst it was OK. They were going through a hard time so I gave a bit of leeway. When this was still happening moths later I thought, No Way. This is not a friendship. I'm their blooming councillor.

Needless to say we are not friends any more.

My inlaws are like this. You can say your piece and it's as if you haven't spoken, they have serious social communication issues. It was a bit unnerving at first but I know now that that's their deficiency t and their life ia certainly poorer for it.

I was hospitalised for a few days when i was pg with my dd & not one of them called or asked after me. Even if I mentioned it afterwards both my sils shut down and ignored my health updates.

They never ask how we are and they always fob you off with "I am ok" and only call when they want something done. I used to comply but I have kids who are my main priority now, they know where I am.

They are both late 30's and single.....

I;d agree with Kinky. I think you might come across as quite a private person who doesn't volunteer information about your life.

Believe it or not, other people might be as frustrated with you not telling them about your life as you are with them not asking!