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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am being AIBU - but dont know how to fix it

20 replies

frizzcat · 27/09/2013 11:28

First post on AIBU - here goes
Every morning for years now I wake up angry. Whilst showering and getting dressed I will play ridiculous petty matters over in my head, replaying what I would like to say to the other person I'm thinking about. It doesn't even have to be a recent thing, it can be something that happened years ago.
Sometimes I catch myself in mid-anger thought and sometimes manage to give myself a metaphorical kick up the arse, reminding myself I am an angry-head in the morning and I'll feel better in a bit.

The AIBU bit happens when I barely speak to dh or start being snappy/shouty/shitty mum with my dc. This tends to happen when I can't get past the anger or the crappy feelings in my head - and seriously some of this stuff is so irrelevant it's ridiculous!

This morning my dd was going to pre-school and ds is home sick, I took ds with me to drop dd off. He didn't come when I called him twice, once we were in the nursery, he didn't come as was looking at something and wasn't listening. I didn't shout but I did the "look" and in a loud stern voice said "frizzkitten, now". The whole r

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Original poster
frizzcat · 27/09/2013 11:32

Posted too quick grrrrrrr

The whole room went quiet and it wasn't that big of a deal ffs, the room was busy I wasn't in a rush

I know I'm be completely AIBU but can't seem to get a handle on this. Is anyone else like this? Has anyone manage to sort out their angry head? I don't want to be shitty mum/wife in the morning.

Also sorry grammar/spelling and rambling on first post, accidentally posted before I checked it

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 27/09/2013 11:33

I'm not sure if YABU or not. It's OK to get annoyed and it's OK to express yourself. If you're keeping quite and simmering rather than tackling things head-on then you'll find you're exploding irrationally from time to time. It comes down to communication and feeling entitled to both speak and be heard.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 27/09/2013 11:35

BTW.... angry mornings and mood-swings can be a result of low blood-sugars or mild hypoglycaemia. Could be worth having a check-up with your GP and giving your diet the once-over. Have your breakfast as soon as you get up... get the blood-sugars up again... and you might benefit.

ICameOnTheJitney · 27/09/2013 11:35

I think you sound like you've got some issues. Have you had a traumatic event in your past? Perhaps counselling will help you to deal with unresolved anger.

JammieCodger · 27/09/2013 11:39

I'm sorry if this sounds really patronising, but do you eat breakfast? My daughter gets particularly angry in the mornings, but it's down to low blood sugar and when she's been persuaded to east something she turns into her usual sunny self.

I know it's probably not that easy though. I've realised I've recently been getting unreasonably anxious and angry about things and that it might be affecting the way people perceive me, so am looking for ways to minimize it myself, but for me it's random.

LookingThroughTheFog · 27/09/2013 11:39

It is absolutely OK to get annoyed, but if you've not enjoying feeling like this, there are options.

Assuming you're confident that there isn't anything medical going on that needs intervention (depression, sleep disorder...) a good start is to have a go at mindfulness. There's a good book out called 'the mindful way through depression' mindfulness which I've seen recommended a lot, and was recommended to me by my counsellor (note me cagily suggesting that I haven't actually read it yet.)

This is another thing that I know has worked for a couple of my friends, buddism for mothers

It is usually something that you can get a handle on for yourself, though it needs a lot of practice, and sometimes a little intervention (I couldn't get a handle on mindfulness until I started taking anti-psychotics).

Good luck!

pianodoodle · 27/09/2013 11:41

Interesting cogito I have mild hypoglycemia and don't speak to anyone for ten minutes after I get out of bed. Never thought there was a link!

I'm not especially "angry" but I need ten minutes to come round properly. Before then it's just grunts :)

I usually get up and take the dog straight into the garden and sit there for a few minutes in quiet before I go back in to speak to everyone.

pianodoodle · 27/09/2013 11:43

May be worth a trip to the doc if it's affecting you and the family too negatively.

Original poster
frizzcat · 27/09/2013 11:46

I do eat breakfast, I wake up shower, get dressed, make breakfast and sit with the dc and eat it. I get up in plenty of time, but don't always get to bed early. I'm a sahm, so I like it when dc and dh have gone to bed and I'm on my own for a bit.
I have many past issues but surely I would feel rubbish all day rather than the first couple of hours in the morning

looking I will have a look at that book

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Original poster
frizzcat · 27/09/2013 11:48

Oh and I was exactly the same angry head when I was working too

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LookingThroughTheFog · 27/09/2013 11:53

I have many past issues but surely I would feel rubbish all day rather than the first couple of hours in the morning

Not necessarily. Hormones can change and sway throughout the day, and Depressives often feel worst first thing in the morning. I personally feel more and more hellish as the day goes on, though I don't exactly start out a sunny joy, until I'm a gibbering mess in the evenings (well, I was pre-medication anyhow).

CogitoErgoSometimes · 27/09/2013 12:19

"I wake up shower, get dressed, make breakfast and sit with the dc and eat it."

Try having something to eat before your shower. Keep plain biscuits or crispbreads in a box by the bed and have a couple as soon as you wake up.

Original poster
frizzcat · 27/09/2013 12:31

Never looked at it that way looking. Maybe I'm just more affected in the morning.

About 5yrs ago I did go to my GP and asked for counselling, I realised when ds was 3yrs that I probably had depression as a result of not realising I had PND. I naively thought that because I was so bonded with ds that I couldn't have it. But the overwhelming feeling that ds was so perfect and I that didn't deserve him and that something bad would happen to take him away was not in any way normal or healthy. After ds birth I thought it was everyone else being rude and thoughtless when, in actual fact I was fairly irrational.

When I went to the GP he said they didn't have a counsellor at the moment and told me to go to the mental health centre and take a ticket and wait to see someone. I wasn't up for that at the time, I think when you realise you have any sort of MH issues you want a more softly softly approach, if only to get your own head around it. I wanted a nice quiet room with the same councillor each week, not to sit in a type of common room and talk whilst lots of other people talked to their councillors.

Anyway I was prescribed a mild AD, which I stayed on for 18mths and worked through my headspace myself.

Maybe I should try the GP again and see if I can get something better this time

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Original poster
frizzcat · 27/09/2013 12:33

Yes going to try that too Cogito

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Ledkr · 27/09/2013 12:38

I get this if I take a sleepng pill (so don't) or if I'm tired cos up in night or had a late night.
Maybe you need more kip.

Beechview · 27/09/2013 12:42

I was going to suggest getting up a bit earlier and having some breakfast and tea/coffee by yourself and really try to switch those thoughts of. Maybe by planning on the day ahead, looking through the diary, make plans for the weekend and generally think of good things.

LookingThroughTheFog · 27/09/2013 12:46

In my experience, though it varies from authority to authority, the waiting lists for counselling are very long, and they're regularly restricted to 6 CBT sessions. I'm not knocking CBT at all (and there are loads of CBT books out there if that works for you), but if that's all there is, then that's all there is, and you might find that there's nothing better to offer you.

Like I say, lots of this will depend on where you are; you might get very lucky.

There are other places that might be able to offer you low-cost counselling though; lots of places do it.

How long have you been off the Antidepressants?

SunshineMMum · 27/09/2013 12:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
frizzcat · 27/09/2013 14:16

Been off AD for about 4yrs prob less by a few months.

I know services are limited and if I'm honest I feel like a bit of moaning Minnie asking for it so I think it will be my last port of call, ultimately any past traumas happened a while ago and are toxic family related. I'm either minimal or no contact with them now.

I like the idea of maybe sitting by myself with a coffee and planning the day. Just spoke to dh about it and he was shocked but made me laugh too. Hopefully now I've said it I can do thinks to change it or help it
Thanks ladies

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Original poster
frizzcat · 27/09/2013 14:45

*things - things to change it

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