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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have been pissed of with not getting a long lie this morning?

25 replies

ThoseArentSpiritFingers · 27/09/2013 10:13

Stayed at dps, his dd was at his for the weekend. Because I've been working early mornings the last few days I asked him if it was ok if I got a l

OP posts:

ShakeRattleNRoll · 27/09/2013 10:14

*off

Original poster

ThoseArentSpiritFingers · 27/09/2013 10:19

Long lie, he said it was. Cue 7.30am DSD gets up and comes into the room, DP goes with her back to her room. About 10 minutes later she gets up again with her cousin and they play for the rest of the morning in the hall outside the bedroom door. Not quiet playing, instruments, singing, whistles etc. remember DP has gone down the hall away from the noise and is fast asleep in DSD's bed. At 10am I finally snap and go through and say he's been really unfair, and that I had asked for one long lie when I normally get up with them, and he goes mental at me for having a go at him in front of his daughter, (she was in te living room and couldn't hear me) and that if I wanted a long lie then I should have gone home. I know that's true but that's the reason. I asked him last night and he said it was ok so I assumed it would be.

So I've stormed out and am on my way back to mine, which I feel really bad about to have done that cos the kids would have been aware.

So WIBU to have expected a long lie? I haven't got back to sleep since 7.30 whereas DP slept till I woke him up at 10.

OP posts:

ilovepowerhoop · 27/09/2013 10:40

7.30am is a long lie! I think you are being a bit unreasonable as it is hard to keep children quiet when they are awake in the morning

bundaberg · 27/09/2013 10:42

no yanbu

if he agreed you could have a lie in then he should have taken the kids and entertained them for a while

Original poster

ThoseArentSpiritFingers · 27/09/2013 10:50

I know that once they're up they're up, and I wouldn't have dreamt of telling them to be quiet, it's their house and it was a reasonable time for them to be up. It's not even the fact that I didn't get a long lie, it's the fact that he did. And when I raised it with him, there was no apology or anything about it. Say if his response was 'I'm sorry I fell back asleep didn't mean to' etc it would have been fine, I don't think he did it on purpose. But his attitude was completely defensive and basically asking what the big deal was.

OP posts:

nonmifairidere · 27/09/2013 11:16

I dunno, kids eh. Playing and having fun before 10am. What next?

Latara · 27/09/2013 11:41

YANBU. But maybe earplugs would be a good idea next time you stay at his.

FlapJackFlossie · 27/09/2013 11:43

He should have taken them away from where you were sleeping. Can't believe he got into DSDs bed and went back to sleep

Original poster

ThoseArentSpiritFingers · 27/09/2013 11:44

I'm feeling really bad about this because I shouldn't have left. I was getting upset about it and didn't want them to see but I should have said bye to them, that really wasn't fair. Shit I'm an awful person.

OP posts:

RinseAndRepeat · 27/09/2013 11:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

ThoseArentSpiritFingers · 27/09/2013 11:49

They are 5 and 3. I know I should have stayed at mine, next time I will.

But I now have DP 'so annoyed with me he can't talk to me just now so will speak to me later'

This always happens whenever we argue. Even if I have a valid point or stance, he turns it around and I end up apologising because I hate arguing. It's really bringing me down because I end up questioning myself. Was I being unreasonable to have been a bit snippy with him this morning?

OP posts:

RinseAndRepeat · 27/09/2013 11:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

ThoseArentSpiritFingers · 27/09/2013 11:54

It's the fact that he thinks he doesn't have to apologise because he didn't do it on purpose. He accidentally fell back asleep, but you still apologise for an accident if you've put someone else out don't you?

OP posts:

RinseAndRepeat · 27/09/2013 11:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kinkyfuckery · 27/09/2013 11:57

You were unreasonable for being snippy at not being able to lie in bed til 10.
He is being unreasonable for the way he is treating you now. You say he is always reacting like that? How long have you been together?

Original poster

ThoseArentSpiritFingers · 27/09/2013 11:58

He fell back asleep because he went into her bed with her to try and get her to go back to sleep.

OP posts:

DoJo · 27/09/2013 12:34

it is hard to keep children quiet when they are awake in the morning

Yes it is, particularly if you are asleep in their bed and making no effort to shush them at all! YANBU OP, but it sounds like this issue is just symptomatic of the way he treats you rather than necessarily being a big deal in and of itself.

ENormaSnob · 27/09/2013 13:03

He sounds like a nob.

But, i find it odd you wouldnt just sleep at home if the lie in was so important.

Lj8893 · 27/09/2013 13:16

Yanbu. Yes children make noise, but since he had said said to you that of course you could have a lie in, then he should have got up with the kids and taken them out, or supervised them so they at least were making noise further away from the room you were in.

My xp had 2 dds and at the time I was working all sorts of funny shifts, one weekend we had them and I got home at 5am from work, and had been awake longer than 24hours! And when the girls got up my xp did exactly the same as what yours has done! So i feel your pain!

Aniseeda · 27/09/2013 13:34

Yanbu to be upset. It's not easy to keep them quiet at that age but, if he'd got up and taken them downstairs, stuck a DVD on and given them paper and crayons, you might have had a fighting chance of some more kip. They might have gone on the rampage but at least you'd have known he tried!

However, you could have gone and woken him up earlier or stuck your head out the door and told the girls to go and wake him.

The not backing down ever would be a red flag for me though.

Is he quite young? Just asking because my DH did have a bit of a problem with apologising when we were first together and would always go on the defensive but once I started sticking to my guns and not apologising if I knew I was in the right he did learn!

(I was determined to teach my kids that an honest apology goes a long way in life )

lottiegarbanzo · 27/09/2013 13:57

I think you need to sit it out until he comes to you and apologises.

The only way you were going to get a lie in was if he's entertained the children downstairs. He needed to make an effort to ensure he did this, not get into bed and allow himself to fall asleep. Even if that was utterly unexpected and accidental, he did it, it affected you, he should apologise.

It sounds as though you always hope for the best, against the evidence of past experience (so chose to believe he was in a position to offer you a lie in, despite the chidren and his apparent carelessness and couldn't care less attitude, which you've presumably encountered before). Stop doing that, work with actual experience, then consider whether he really cares about you, or that's just an idea you've constructed from a hope.

Original poster

ThoseArentSpiritFingers · 28/09/2013 11:05

This morning he got up with DSD, and sorted breakfast and went to the living room with her, and I got a lovely long lie and a cup of tea brought to me.

He's not the best at actually apologising (but we did sort it out last night and managed to explain why I was upset) but is good at makin amends. It's something I'll keep an eye on but am happy with how this has been resolved.

OP posts:

PeppiNephrine · 28/09/2013 11:08

Stay at your own house if you don't want the noise of children then. Your boyfriend sounds like a twat.
And why call her DSD?

FrightRider · 28/09/2013 11:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Snatchoo · 28/09/2013 12:09

YANBU, why are there so many snarky bints around this morning?

7.30 is no where near a lie in, unless you are a farmer or baker used to very early starts. There is nothing that annoys me more than being woken early when it's MY lie in day!

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