I don't know if this is a problem due to different views/ culture / individual choice.
Mil died last week. Im devastated. I was her Carer for 3 years. We had a quirky, caring & respectful relationship.
Dp & Sil really didn't give a shit. Mil wasn't a good mum but for last 10 years she'd really tried to make amends. She was an excellent grandmother.
Dp & Sil have scrimped on the funeral. There's only a hearse. I've offered to pay for a limo but Sil said no. Dp & Sil are both tight gits but this takes the piss. There's no wake organised- again i offered to organise & pay for it but Sil said she'd do it but hasn't. Theres no order of service. Cheap flowers off the internet... That sort of thing.
I see it as a lack of thought & respect for their mother. They are blaming each other & winding each other up. No one is actually doing anything. Dp i& Sil took what they wanted out of Mil house. I've cleared it. Even pulling up carpets etc- Im 23 weeks pregnant.
I must point out neither would have to pay for anything as once everything is sorted all costs will be covered.
So AIBU?? Im angry at both of them. I have distanced myself from all funeral arrangments as so embarressing. Do i need to step back as she wasn't my mum & accept my background means a funeral is considered as equal to a wedding. Dp i& Sil are entitled to organise or not organise their mothers funeral any way they like. Cultures have very different views on funerals but i feel they are just Lazy, disorganised & mean...!