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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want my dd to dress as a boy?

101 replies

Hithere123 · 26/09/2013 18:54

Don't know if I'm being mean or not. This is a long standing problem with dd (5) wanting to dress as a boy. She has older brothers and baby brother. She loves her babies and barbies but that's as girly as she gets. Her favourite outfit is trackies and trainers. I don't see a problem with this at all and within reason I let her wear what makes her happy unless we are going to a party and she needs a nice dress and she does without much fuss. Her friend is having a fancy dress party and she wants to go as...Ron weasley. She had the gryffindor cloak this after a trip to Harry potter. My thoughts were to buy the a tesco school skirt and she could be ginny (she chose the ginny want there too) but she insists she wants to be Ron. Should I buy her grey school trousers (I really don't want to) and leave her be or insist she goes as a girl.

OP posts:

HearMyRoar · 26/09/2013 21:14

I wanted to be a boy when I was that age. When my mum asked me why I told her it was so I could wee standing up like my brothers :o

PeriodFeatures · 26/09/2013 21:18

Sorry op. Ive just seen that you have already let mumsnet do it's work and eaten the biscuits etc...:)

I'm sure dd will be a fab ron weasley and it'll just be a phase...!

cory · 26/09/2013 21:54

Hithere123 Thu 26-Sep-13 19:15:58
"I know your all right. I love her so much whatever she wants. I suppose it makes me a little sad that she's not like me!"

Are you my mother?

She always dreamed of a girlie little girl and completely managed to ignore the fact that I look like a pig in pink

I'm a jeans and muddy walking boots person, me.

Funnily enough, my own dd is very, very feminine, has done her own clothes shopping from an early age, knows instinctively what goes together and what she looks good in. But I rather enjoy having a daughter who is different from me: I find it makes life interesting.

My mother (who is a more insecure person anyway) is a little inclined to take my difference as a criticism of her way of life. I just don't see it that way.

bababababoom · 26/09/2013 21:58

YAB TOTALLY U.

chocolatespiders · 26/09/2013 22:02

This is my dd now 10 and I have never put pressure on her even when we have been to weddings etc as I dont want her to feel uncomfortable.
We shop in 'boys' sections of shops and she chooses what she would like

Wish she would wear something a little girlie but it isnt going to happen. School she wears boys trousers and shorts in the summer.

Idespair · 26/09/2013 22:06

It's fine, just get the trousers. You can use them for school for her younger brother so will be useful anyway. You do not need dresses for parties. Jeans or leggings perfectly fine for a little girl to go to party in. Dresses are crap anyway, your dd has the right idea being practical and comfortable.

FixItUpChappie · 26/09/2013 22:07

Just a quick thank you to everyone for stopping me in my witch mum tracks...she is great! Thanks x

Ahhhhh....this makes me so happy OP. I was in my head trying to come up with a stunning post to convince you to leave it be and enjoy who your DD is - I'm so glad you've already seen the light

....now...back to the thread about the gender divided party.....

BangOn · 26/09/2013 22:09

so basically this entirely fake, social construction known as 'femininity' is of more importancr to you than your daughter's wishes. that's so sad.

BangOn · 26/09/2013 22:12

oops! apologies op x

Turniptwirl · 26/09/2013 22:14

FFS it's just clothes! Let her wear what she wants! Yabvvu

Turniptwirl · 26/09/2013 22:15

Well done OP for seeing the light!

MrsMongoose · 26/09/2013 22:17

Tbf, Ron is much cooler than Ginny.

workwhatwork · 26/09/2013 22:19

Coming onto this late, but I agree, leave her be.

When I was 5 I used to wish and pray I'd be a cat. I grew out of it.

pamish · 26/09/2013 22:22

Encouraging to read the overall MN consensus that this 5-y-old is not on the verge of transitioning and needing hormone treatment ASAP. There's a terrifying trend now (only in the US?) to diagnose any non-gender-conforming behaviour as GID and send off for treatment, instead of challenging the whole gender stereotype constraints. According to those conventions, I would have been sent off for reprogramming and would be a man by now, judging by the way I used to dress and behave. Thank goddess I was born before this new fashion.

IrisWildthyme · 26/09/2013 22:22

Let her dress how she feels comfortable. She isn't dressing "as a boy" she is dressing as HERSELF and if that means trousers that's fine. There are loads of nice presentable non-dress smart clothes that can be worn on more formal occasions. Dressing as Ron Weasley is great and should be encouraged. If you make a big thing of not wanting to do this you'll drive her away from you but not actually change how she feels.

KittensoftPuppydog · 26/09/2013 22:28

Good god! She's 5! I wanted to be a boy until I was at least 13. They seemed to have better fun. Until the hormones kicked in.

Jinsei · 26/09/2013 22:34

OP, my dd is 8, and I don't think she has worn a skirt or dress for around 3 years. She doesn't even have any now. Trousers for school, leggings, shorts or trackie bottoms when she's at home, smart trousers for special occasions. We had to buy "boy's" trainers because we couldn't find any girl's trainers that were acceptable to her. Her favourite colour is blue, and she despises anything pink.

She is entirely happy in her own skin and plays happily with both girls and boys. Quite a few of her female friends seem to share the pink phobia. I think it's just a reaction to all of the stereotypes. No big deal.

Just let her be herself and enjoy. I'm sure she is delightful.

MmeLindor · 26/09/2013 22:34

Aww, this thread makes me really chuffed to be a MNetter. I am glad that the responses helped you, Hithere.

fwiw, my DD is like me in some ways, but very very different in others. Its nice seeing a glimpse of me, but wonderful to see a bright, articulate and funny young woman from that little girl that she was.

comingintomyown · 26/09/2013 22:46

DD a firm boy from 5-11 years old

eg only girl in boys football team, always in her older brother clothes, went as a boy to school Victorian day etc

I miss those days now we have constant hair stress, over plucked eyebrows and so on

Enjoy this time OP

5Foot5 · 26/09/2013 23:01

Another on here who wanted to be a boy until I hit early teenage.

I think this was at least partly fuelled by my childish perception that girls were expected to wear pretty dresses and play with dolls ( yeuch boring!) while boys had more fun and had much more interesting toys. The more my mum tried to insist on me wearing "girls'" clothes and bought me the Tiny Tears doll rather than the Adventure Kit I craved the more this reinforced my view.

When I hit adolescence I had no doubts which gender I was and wanted to be, but by then I had also sorted out that being a girl didn't have to stop me doing the things I wanted to do.

Karoleann · 27/09/2013 00:04

Ds2 favourite fancy dress costume at the moment is angel costume, complete with wings (glittery ones too).
He's year one.
He was eyeing up a mermaid costume at the Disney store the other day.....ds1 was trying to drag him away.
Dd's facourite outfit would be track suit bottoms, a peppa pig top, those hideous plastic shoes and a handbag.
They'll start caring soon what people think - let her wear what she wants until they do,

Monty27 · 27/09/2013 00:10

Dd had lots of girlie clothes and wouldn't wear them. So then I started getting her non girlie clothes, so then she wouldn't wear them either.

she always picked her own clothes. So much stuff I got her with the labels still on went to chardee shops and friends.

She had a mind of her own. And she dresses so beautifully now she takes my breath away. (I love clothes).

Take that dd shopping for her own clothes and let her go with it. :)

Monty27 · 27/09/2013 00:11

DD was 3/4 when this started

StuntGirl · 27/09/2013 00:12

This reminds me of that American woman who blogged about her 5 year old son dressing as Daphne from Scooby Doo...the horrified responses he got were so sad.

Glad you've decided to let her be OP.

Monty27 · 27/09/2013 00:17

She'll feel great wearing her own choices. Let her do it :)

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