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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am prepared to be told I am being precious but AIBU?

38 replies

ShadeofViolet · 26/09/2013 18:32

Background - I am a SAHM, DH is SE and works away from home sometimes, but is home for this week (and the next 5 weeks if that makes any difference). We have DD age 4 and DS2 and 6 (DS1 is 12)

This morning I have a very upset DS (he has ASD and is a school refuser) and an upset DD (just started school and having a bit of a wobble). i aSKED DH if he could help me walk them to school - I have to carry DS most of the way when he is school refusing. dh says he cant, because he wants to get to the barbers and have his hair cut, and if he waits then he will be in a queue. SO i walk the mile to school, carrying a heavy DS while trying to console them both. DD goes into school sobbing and DS is shouting. Once they have gone in I stand in the playground and cry.

Would this upset you? On the one hand I know I am a SAHM and this is my 'job', but I am so fucked off at his attitude and leaving me to struggle alone, and it is a struggle some days. He is off on a boys golfing weekend this week and I feel like changing the locks (I wont, but still!)

OP posts:
ClementineKelandra · 26/09/2013 18:33

You're DP is acom

ClementineKelandra · 26/09/2013 18:34

Your dp is a complete arse!!

PeteCampbellsRecedingHairline · 26/09/2013 18:34

YADNBU. Is he normally so incredible selfish?

I'd give him an interesting haircut tonight when he's sleeping to serve him right for being such a bellend.

PeteCampbellsRecedingHairline · 26/09/2013 18:35

*incredibly.

I am Angry for you!

HandMini · 26/09/2013 18:35

You are bit being unreasonable. If his working hours allow him to help with this very difficult part of your day, then he should.

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/09/2013 18:35

Your DP, for example, is a twunt.

Even if you are a SAHM, being a parent is BOTH of your jobs.

DumSpiroSpero · 26/09/2013 18:35

YANBU - he is being a prat.

My DH sometimes is at home when I'm still working (both term time only but he works at a private school so had longer hols) - on those occasions he does the school run and pretty much all the housework bar cooking.

We have one 9yo who loves school - you DH has no excuse, even more so if he's off on a jolly this weekend.

HandMini · 26/09/2013 18:35

Sorry, sorry that should have read you are not being unreasonable.

Buzzardbird · 26/09/2013 18:36

Your Dh sounds like a selfish git who doesn't care about you or your DC's :(

jacks365 · 26/09/2013 18:36

You are neither being precious or unreasonable. Tell him he has to do it tomorrow because you are having a well deserved day off.

Binkyridesagain · 26/09/2013 18:37

YANBU, if he is at home then he helps raise the DCs. When did you last have some time to yourself?

Custardo · 26/09/2013 18:39

sommat else must be going on for you to accept that in the first place

if dh had said that to me, i'd have told him to get off his fucking arse

expatinscotland · 26/09/2013 18:39

He is being a twat.

Yama · 26/09/2013 18:41

How uncaring. Think you are going to get a unanimous YANBU ShadeOfViolet. I couldn't respect such a selfish uncaring man.

christinarossetti · 26/09/2013 18:41

How often does he do the school run? I ask because it sounds like he doesn't do it much and doesn't understand how difficult it is for you.

I think sometimes work or the like is used as an excuse to avoid difficult situations with children and people need to be called on it

StuntGirl · 26/09/2013 18:43

I'd have given this face Hmm to that response from my partner.

Does he have an exceptionally busy day today that meant he had to go to the barber's that exact moment?

YoniMatopoeia · 26/09/2013 18:44

Let him do the school run for the next 5 weeks while you get your hair/nails/face done.

Original poster
ShadeofViolet · 26/09/2013 18:46

How often does he do the school run?

He has done it once :(. We had an disagreement about it because he drove them in the car, even though I said it as a bad idea, DS kicked off and got really upset. School called me after an hour because they just couldn't calm him down.

I normally like doing it, so its not normally an issue. Its just with the start of a new year DS is unhappy, and DD is just a bit nervous, with a little bit of copying her brother tbh.

OP posts:
StuntGirl · 26/09/2013 18:48

Why is he off work for 6 weeks?

How much time off do you get?

How much parenting is he going to be doing over the next 6 weeks?

Squitten · 26/09/2013 18:50

Does he fully appreciate your son's requirements? Why does he willfully do things that provoke him, e.g. the car?

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 26/09/2013 18:50

That's the shittest excuse I've heard. I thought you were going to say he had to get to work and I'd be riled about that, so YANBU

It is not your job. Your job was carrying them, giving birth and feeding (if you ebf). When he is there he should be sharing in parenting them.

Continue to feel fucked off. It's very easy, as a SAHM to slip into the idea that you are always there for the crap parts and the difficult decisions and to be the default thinker and carer.

Original poster
ShadeofViolet · 26/09/2013 18:50

He isn't off work for 6 weeks, he is working from home.

OP posts:
JamieandtheMagicTorch · 26/09/2013 18:52

... Can you tell I've had a bad couple of days ? (and I work now, but was a SAHM for a long time) Grin

Original poster
ShadeofViolet · 26/09/2013 18:53

Does he fully appreciate your son's requirements? Why does he willfully do things that provoke him, e.g. the car?

I honestly think it was a bad judgment on his part. I dont think he does understand DS's issues. Its very hard, especially as DS is like a velcro kid, so he automatically refers to me, and I can calm him down, understand him etc, which DH struggles with.

OP posts:
JamieandtheMagicTorch · 26/09/2013 18:54

What happens at the weekends/evenings?