To have not invited everyone?

[CoolaSchmoola]

Last year we threw a massive family party for DD's birthday. We had just moved back from living overseas and many people hadn't seen her for a long time. It cost quite a lot of money.

This year our financial situation is a little tighter, so rather than do a massive party we've booked a children's party at a farm.

Because of the location and distance family are travelling the adults are staying.

In addition to the parents of the children I have also invited my Aunt and Uncle because they are very close to my DD and it is also the first party their only grandchild has been to (and first time said grandchild has seen farm animals up close - so it's a memory maker) and another aunt and uncle are coming as my cousin doesn't drive so her and her son need a lift.

Everyone who is coming has either a child or grandchild coming too.

I've been told today that my cousin's partner is upset that they haven't been invited (they came last year) and I feel AWFUL.

Looking at it from their point of view my Aunt and Uncle, other cousin, his wife and their baby are invited, so yes it looks bad.

But from my point of view it's a children's party and everyone coming either has a child or grandchild coming. I never even thought about inviting them or any other members of our large extended family.

I think I'm going to contact them, explain that I didn't invite them because it's a kids party, so I didn't even think about it, and say if they want to come they are more than welcome. I do love them both to bits.

Was IBU not to invite them in the first place?

You were being totally reasonable to invite who ever you want. However if you explain it to them as you have on here (you were thinking about the children) they will understand perfectly. I think its lovely that they want to be involved and you are obviously close so you will all have a lovely day out. I imagine your child is very young (2?) and they don't have any children which makes your dd more of a focus for them. They want to share in her joy discovering these animals. As your dd grows up they will probably pull back from parties as they become less about immediate family and more about child's circle of friends. If its driven by the cost of the activity I think you are right to limit it to children, especially if more and more of the extended family want to be involved. You have to reign it in somewhere. Your cut off was it's a children's party not a family gathering.

Yes - just tell them what you've told us. Stress that it's a children's party, and the adults coming are there because of the children they're bringing.

I think they'll be fine about it.

And if they're not, that's not exactly your problem.