To think meanness is the most unattractive trait ever

[HelpTheresPooballsInMyBed]

I was once on a night out with a bloke who I was potentially interested in (we were friends first) as part of a group. He persistently round dodged all night and on every subsequent night out I've been on with him, even on the ones where it was just me and him. AIBU to have found this so off putting that I binned him off?

And before anyone mentions it, he certainly wasn't skint!

It's not just meanness, though, is it? Drinking water in the pub and opting out of rounds is one thing. Taking a drink when it is someone else's round then dodging your own is selfish. I would consider a bloke who never bought a round nor took a drink when it was someone else's. I wouldn't consider one happy to take but not happy to give.

Going to embarrassing lengths time in, time out to avoid paying your share speaks volumes about a person.

Swerve, swerve, swerve.

Yes, very unattractive.
"Um, you actually owe £2.10 more than me as your wine was dearer than my drink."
Sexy!!

I hate meanness, such an unattractive trait.
It has nothing to do with how well off you are either imo.
I'm not well off, never have been, but I'll happily share what I do have.

totally agree. hate it.

I hate meanness, to the extent that I often go overboard trying to ensure I am not be viewed as such. However, I am aware that persistently refusing to accept drinks/insisting on paying for multiple rounds is pretty graceless in itself...

It would be a deal breaker for me.

Totally agree. It's not about the money either but the mindset. They would rather embarrass themselves than pay their way. I don't get it.

yanbu. run for the hills, hardly a man to be proud of when you go out. Imagine going out to dinner to introduce him to your parents..."but you had the side order of chips mrshelptherespooballsinmybed...so that's er an extra £3.50" and I bet he wont tip either. what a charmer, a total catch NOT.

YANBU.

Tight people always have other flaws.

Hate stingy men. I dumped a bloke because he took me on a date and then claimed to have 'lost' his money.
My mother told me to make sure that I did not marry a stingy man. I took her advice

YABU. Whilst meanness is very unattractive, the most unattractive trait IMO is being a gossip. Who wants to be friends with someone who is constantly talking about other people behind their backs?

Not a man, but I had a friend who was beyond mean, we'd go out for coffee/lunch sometimes, and she'd always work out exactly how much everything cost, and if mine cost even a penny more, she'd make sure she got it.

Which is fair enough really, but I often paid the entire bill, she never offered once to return the favour. She was always happy for me to pay however!

She was mean about everything and it wore me down.

Worst trait ever!!!

and greed is a horrible trait.
I really dislike greedy people.

I've never met a mean person who was delightful in every other way. As well as being a no thanks in its own right, it's a reliable marker for a lot of other, often serious, character flaws.

Meanness is much more unappealing than being a gossip, IMO. Do you think mean people learned it from their parents? Are there whole mean dynasties out there? Maybe some women would think, oh how admirable, he's very careful about spending money, and find it a positive trait, and so a new mean couple is spawned.

Oh I hate people being mean. I too go out of my way to appear not mean.
I have even , once, gone so far to even highlight it, when one person did it , again:
"no I think it's your round, you're so mean aren't you" smile, smile.

Agree that meanness is horrible. Much worse than gossiping.

I don't understand why we let them get away with it. I mean, I would definitely give a potential partner a serious bodyswerve if they turned out to be mean, but we all know mean people in our social circles. We should call them on their bullshit.

I have special spite reserved for the people who will put in for their exact share of the meal - down to the penny - but never a penny of the tip.

I wonder too about calling people on meanness, HeadsDown. Years ago, I gave a colleague a lift to another colleague's ordination service, a journey of about 50 miles. So 100 miles round trip. He didn't offer me any petrol money, which was fine, because I would have refused on the basis that I was going anyway - but when we stopped at a service station for coffee, it turned out he'd come out without any cash and I ended up buying his coffee too! I've never forgiven him, but perhaps instead of inwardly fuming, I should have said, "off you pop to the cashpoint then, there's a dear" and made him buy the coffees?

I think that Oblomov has the right attitude. Call people out, very directly, but in an unaggressive yet unapologetic way.

The old 'forgotten my cash' ruse is classic. I guess it could be a one off, and you always want to give people the benefit of the doubt, but a pattern usually emerges pretty quickly.

I've sat there seething as a friend announced, in a pub, that they deliberately only came out with £5 so that they couldn't buy more than one drink, and then happily sit and accept drinks from other people. That's not being frugal, it's just taking the piss. If people want to be careful with their money, that's fine, but when it impinges on you, time and time again, it really grates.

I hate being taken advantage of in this way, and they know that they are putting you in a tortuous position because you value being reasonable and kind.

I think they do learn it from their parents. At least as far as I've seen.