Can't trust husband

[yvette7]

My 6 week old DD had been waking up at 1hr-2hr intervals all night. At 5.30am DH said he would put her down in her cot in the other room and leave her to cry. I wasn’t happy with this so went to get her after a few minutes. I found that he had left her with a duvet over her head covering her face. When I confronted him about this he said it was fine to do that because he could sleep ok under a duvet so why couldn’t she? Tried telling him about SIDS risk with what he had done and he called me a retard and said I was wrong. AIBU to think it is not ok to leave baby with a blanket over their head?

This is horrific ~ without sounding alarmist, if you hadn't gone to get your precious baby, he could have killed her with his thoughtless actions. She is tiny and helpless and needs you day and night. On top of this, he speaks to you in such a disrespectful manner .

I feel for you as life is tiring and a steep learning curve with a new born. Speak to your HV and please don't leave your DD alone with DH until he understands how vulnerable she is and the care she needs.....

You see, I wouldn't put that down to stupidity because no-one is that stupid. And take that duvet out of the crib, it should be either a blanket tucked under the end of the mattress or a sleeping bag. Keep him away from your child, he is either beyond stupid or highly dangerous...possibly both.

There are two very separate issues here:

1. your DH either doesn't know, doesn't understand or doesn't believe the SIDS risk. You are right not to trust him until this is corrected. You need to work out which of the above is the issue.

2. the way he spoke to you and the reacted was dreadful. You're most likely both having a tough time getting used to life with a newborn. You need to be pulling together as a team right now.

Congratulations on your newborn by the way.

What others have said re SIDS risk.

Shocking that he spoke to you that way BUT sleep exhaustion is horrendous for parents with 6wo babies, and hits some worse than others. Is there any way that he could get a night off to get a good sleep, and then try again to address the SIDS issue?

Do not leave him alone with your baby! Absolutely no way can a 6 week old survive with head under duvet or blanket for long. Very dangerous.

Not sure what is up with your H. Try to get him to talk about it. Perhaps he is finding fatherhood overwhelming. Some do.

Get sids leaflet from hv or Internet and show him.

Any family members you can get to come and stay with you? It would be good if you can get some help as you need to look after both your new baby and DH.

This is really horrifying.

The least worst option is that your husband has zero understanding of how to look after a baby safely, and cannot be trusted- especially given the way he spoke to you afterwards.

The more worrying concern is that he tried to deliberately harm her, or do whatever it took to 'shut her up'.

HV should be your first port of call, to talk to him, in the hope that it is genuine stupidity and ignorance. But if he deliberately harms your baby it needs to be the police.

Get rid of the duvet (under 1yo shouldn't have them anyway) and blankets, and put DD in a baby sleeping bag.

I'm sorry this has happened, but please do trust your instincts about exactly how dangerous your husband's actions were.

Is he just overtired and not understanding the problem, or is he actually an abusive twat. Because ifthis is just him, I don't think he will take you "telling tales" to the hv very well :(

It is him who is acting like the retard, not you! He is at best clueless, and at worst a danger to your baby.

Is he usually that disrespectful?

How does he feel about being a father and how does he interact with her when she's not crying?

Does he know about not shaking or dropping a baby, which might be something to ...err... mention while you're having your talk?

TBH he's either wildly impulsive or he did this to shut her up. Don't leave her alone with him ATM

Topseyt - it is generally thought to be very shitty to use that word!

Did he mistakenly put the duvet over baby's face? As in, just a little bit or was it tucked in? tight over her? If it was just flipped over, maybe she had moved?? Could he have just been being defensive as you were questioning him? No excuse for what he said to you but could it be that he was just being a bit hapless and tired?

Otherwise you have a serious problem on your hands

seriously worried for both of you here. you should think very carefully about your whole relationship and if you both are safe/ trust him.

he sounds horrible to be honest.

me and dh were both in our knees tired with our babies at your dds age but to act like this is just unbelievable.

God, I certainly wouldn't be leaving my baby with somebody who did that. Really scary stuff. I'm sitting here cuddling my 3 month old DD and am horrified on your behalf. :-/

read the riot act to him and tell him to behave.he sounds like a right nutter i'd be very careful if i was you

Hope you are ok, he wouldn't get near my baby again.

topseyt, you are no better than the DH. yes her DH is in the wrong but that does not make it alright to use that term about him.

Awful
He also shouldn't be leaving a 6 week old to cry. I'm in favour of that technique but 6 weeks is WAY too young.