To wonder about the advice from my HV?

[ElleBelly]

Health visitor came round yesterday as DS nearly 18 weeks recently had a spell in hospital which had completely buggered his routine up. Prior to that he was self settling in cot, and feeding once a night,however now he's feeding constantly at night,it's like having a newborn again, up every hour and a half.
Her advice is to move him to his own room, let DP settle him at night, and not feed him at all when he wakes, as she thinks he is waking out of habit. That's all very well but am not going to be using CC or any variation of, and DP isn't a lot of help at night at the best of times. Also want him in with us for at least 6 months if possible for obvious reasons.
Surely at just 4 months its not unreasonable for him to still need to feed once a night? He's on 91st centile so a big boy, and does seem hungry a lot. She's also suggested trying him on solids once a day to see if that has any effect. So having been told repeatedly not to start solids until 6months, and having looked into some of the evidence behind this I'm now a bit confused.
So AIBU to ignore some of her advice? Thing is I am so shattered i would be very tempted to try solids and see if it makes a difference, and she's the expert surely? Sorry for long waffle post!

I would ignore all of it, he is too young to be on his own and too young to wean. I think you should talk to another HV from your local HV team and get their opinions on what she has said.

Do what feels right for you from all of the advice offered, HV or otherwise.

I fed DD2 in the night with milk until she was over 2 years old. Then she stopped waking of her own accord. I'm sure HV wouldn't approve. She was 18 months before she only woke once and 2.5 before she slept through the night to give you one version of 'normal' sleeping behaviour.

I would tend to listen to the advice about a baby being in your room for at least 6 months (SIDS risk, not to be taken lightly by a HV IMO) and wean when he's interested. Maybe offer weaning type foods but without any pressure on him to actually eat. Milk should be all he needs for several more months but maybe he would like to try more.

While I have respect for some HV's please remember that they are just specifically trained nurses. As a nurse I can tell you that not all nurses are sensible and offer correct, rational or researched advice, which is a shame. YANBU to ignore advice from her, or anyone, that sounds stupid or not right for your parenting style.

"and she's the expert surely?"

Not necessarily. Many (not all) HV are not up to date with current advice (as you have discovered) and there is no requirement to have actually had children to be a HV, so in some cases, their advice is purely by "the book" (albeit a very old and out of date book!)

No yanbu. She sounds mad especially about the early weaning. If he's been a good sleeper before then he'll get there again. 4 months is classic sleep regression time anyway.

Can you move with him to another room ? So you can feed/co-sleep a bit but also do some gentle shushing when he wakes every 90 mins? He should start to self settle again once he's been reassured.

Do you do a dream feed? I did one with my DD2 until she was rising 9 months. If you've got a 4 month old that will sleep for 12 hours without a feed then brilliant but it is totally not the norm.

It's awful. You're shattered. Your priority is to get some sleep - is there any way DP could take at least one night and just bring DS to you for a feed - if bf, if DS isn't bf then could DP do the whole night? I don't think it is unreasonable for DS to still feed overnight. Wrt the solids, like anything else if you're unsure see your GP. For what it's worth I wouldn't be happy to put a four month old in their own room. The HV has given advice, and that's what it is advice, not law. Do only what you feel comfortable with and ignore what you aren't.

4 months is a classic time for sleep regression and growth spurt. Chances are he'd have deviated from his routine anyway at this time, regardless of his stint in hospital.

Do what you feel is right. If you're happy having him in with you, keep him in with you. If you're exhausted by his getting up so often at night, tell your DP to step up - him "not being a lot of help at the best of times" is an utterly useless excuse for not doing his share.

She is contradicting two very important pieces of advice, regarding both where babies sleep and what age to introduce solids. Milk is the supposed to be the sole source of baby nutrition to 6 months, and the main to 12 months. First weaning foods are for taste and texture only and not designed to provide the essential nutrients. Solids would therefore be most unlikely to have any impact on appetite at this age.

It could be nothing more than a growth spurt. Let him set the pace for milk - it's exhausting but it's not forever.

YANBU do what is right for you, you are the one who knows your child! Do what you feel comfortable with

Thankyou all, will be following mummy instincts and keeping the little fatty in our room. DP works long hours so thinks of the nights as my domain, particularly as bfing. I'm going to try to talk him into helping on weekends, just with nappies would be a start!
Have tried dream feeding but it didn't affect how long he would go til next feed, he would still be up by midnight wanting feeding! Have got into the habit of feeding every time he is up, mostly because I'm so shattered its just easier.

agree that you should pick and choose which advice to take. But since when was it 'mad' to start weaning at 18 weeks oscarwilde? For a number of reasons I started weaning my ds at 19 weeks and he is thriving (now 8mnths).

My health visitor is worse than useless. I cannot believe some of the things she comes out with such as 'you should do baby's last feed at 11 not 10 or he will never sleep through the night'. What difference does it make as i go to bed after the feed, regardless of what time it is, and im fairly certain my 6 week old can not tell the time!

Id say just nod along and then do what you think is best. Advice changes re weaning ages and im sure very few babies die if they go in their own room before 6 months, but its your baby so your choice. You know your baby better than anyone.

Does he have a dummy?

YANBU!

If he's been in hospital you don't want to start moving him even further away from you to another room! If you want to settle him without CC Google 'gradual retreat' - which is a planned return, reassurance, and fast exit from the room - repeated every couple of minutes initially - then as child is reassured you are there you can leave longer.

Don't assume she knows best, and adding solids into the mix is goign to confuse things even more. He sounds like he needs consistency and not a whole load of new things to deal with.

good luck

Sorry to hear your baby has been unwell. Glad they he is now back at home with you. You are the expert on your baby. You see him from day to day and know better than any doc/HV what is normal for your child. Yes; listen to all the advice out there but you ultimately have to make the decision as to what to do for the best. It is possible that he was woken up constantly in hospital during the night with all the beeps and pings coming from machinery, and staff talking. I think at least one night feed is necessary at 4 months (particularly if he has a good appetite). He is sleeping a well for a young 'un. If he has been in the impersonal surroundings of the hospital he may also need to be close to you both for extra bonding for a time. I would keep him in your room a little longer (as per your wish) and if he wakes remind him that it's nice and quiet, sleepy time. Weaning at 4 months is sometimes recommended with larger babies to give the parents a bit of a break. Usually they begin to show you during the day that milk only satisfies for a short time, may become more restless due to hunger etc. There is no set time for this to happen. Good Luck

None of my 3 dropped stopped night feeds till they were 9months. It took a good few weeks of weaning to fill them up enough during the day, and a few weeks after that to slowly cut down on the amount of milk in their tummies overnight.

Just stick with a decent sleep routine and use it for all sleep and nap times and you'll get there.

The bit about the night times sounds nuts. It would be great to get DP more involved but if this is not happening, her saying it won't making him do it.

I would have thought that leaving an 18 week old child who has just come out of hospital on his own when he wakes at night would not be a good idea, because he probably has been confused by it and needs reassurance. You could try giving him water when he wakes rather than milk as sometimes this puts them off waking up as it isn't worth it.

You could put him in his own room but this is up to you and would inevitably necessitate you having to get up and down more in the night.

I don't think giving solids at this stage is necessarily wrong. If you feel that he needs it then I would give it a go. The whole business of not giving solids til 6 months is very recent and as I understand it is based on ensuring they get enough iron. I have heard that they sleep better once they start solids, so this might be worth a try. I know my friend's big baby did well on solids at 5 months.

Weaning made DS start waking at night, don't assume it will improve matters. Plus sleep regression age and a spell in hospital and all you can do is ride it out. This too will pass.

DS is now 15 months old and can't go to sleep if he knows I'm still in his room (but sings to himself for a minute then drops off peacefully if left alone) and reliably sleeps 8-7. At times I never thought we'd get here, but we did without any sleep training, he just grew up enough to manage it.

I think it is very common to get a sleep regression at this age. I suspect growth spurts make for a leap in appetite, so I don't think it's unreasonable to give a feed in the night.

FWIW we tried to sleep train ours at 4.5 months disastrously. We tried again (pick up put down method - works for some, not for others) at 7.5 months which worked much better.

One thing that did seem to help though we ried to keep him awake (jiggling him, tickling his ears) during his bedtime feed. It seems he would be so tired that he'd fall asleep before his tummy was full, so he'd be after a top up after 2 or 3 hours. By keeping him awake and at the boob for longer he would fill up more. Does yours get sleepy quickly when feeding at night?

Oh and sleep training is not essential, CC or otherwise. They really do just get it eventually... somehow. Ours started to sleep 9-5 from 7.5 months and then straight through from 10 months, self-settling at 11 months. He was a nightmare sleeper before then, but it doesn't last forever.

HV is talking tripe. Use your instincts (and the research on SIDS, and advice on weaning).

No dummy, has always refused it. My gut instinct is that he needs more comfort and security as he was quite unwell. Bit baffled how advice from HV and research seems to contradict each other! Kind of hoping he'll find his way back to his old routine on his own (lazy mother).Thankyou all for advice.

And yes, I struggle to keep him awake for last feed despite tickling and jiggling!

I thought the night Weaning etc advice was pretty sound until I realised it was 18 weeks not months! 5 months is classic growth spurt/sleep regression time. Feed through it and you will get your happy sleeper back once the phase passes. Big oodles of sympathy - sleep deprivation is rubbish

The advice about dh doing bits is good. But maybe in ur room with u not there.

So say u move to the spare room, baby wakes dh settles but baby is contented as still ur room/bed etc. Maybe every other or third wake you come through and feed if u feel neccessary. If bf otherwise dh do it.

Many babies wean early, especially bigger ones. Only on here do ppl seem to stick so closesly to 6 months. And by solids she probably mean the tip of a teaspoon of solids. My mum swears it was hunger waking my brother and this helped him. Literally a tiny bit.

I find it odd that a HV visitor would give two pieces of advice that are at odds with current guidelines (whether they are 'right' or 'wrong' on the weaning which has very mixed evidence... No need to wean but doesn't mean adding a bit of food does any harm, as long as its additional)... Very naughty.

Do what you feel is best for your baby.

Your HV sounds like a total loon. Yanbu to ignore her advice.

I found that despite best efforts, sometimes whatever you do, you can't stop a baby waking up. Yes there are things you can do to help them self settle etc etc, however sometimes it is easier to change you rather than the baby. I found minimal housework, lazy mornings on sofa (in pj's), easy meals and roping in as much help as you can from anyone will help when you are feeling so shattered. It will pass, it will pass! Eventually your baby will sleep better. In the meantime, be a slattern!! (And get your dh to do a bit more).